less than 1 week sine miscarriage
On July 16, 2012 I went to the emergency room for bleeding. I was worried that my baby wouldn't make it but after many tests and ultrasounds I was assured that my baby was perfectly fine and healthy. I watched my baby flutter with a strong heartbeat of 126 beats per minute. It was disovered I was 6 weeks and 5 days along and to be due on 03/06/2013. I was calm and relieved for possibly the last time in my life. On July 22, 2012 I was watching a disney princess movie and enjoying a snack with my children and the baby's father. I was happy and content and hopeful for the baby that was growing inside me. I had been considering names and thinking about who the baby would look like more my or Mark my boyfriend. We both have children from precious marriages but this was to be the child that tied our family together in one neat little package. While the movie played on and the children danced around pretending to be various characters I began to feel just a small amount of cramping. I went to the restroom and was horrified by what I saw. I knew then my baby had died. I went to the hospital where 5 1/2 hours later my fear was confirmed. I dont know what to do now, I'm at a loss for words. It hursts so badly that I can't help but cry all the time. Seeing my friends with their pregnant bellies growing, and all the moms I know that have just had their own little bundles of joy makes me feel a great sadness in my heart for the baby I will never hold. I've been told how lucky I am to have the children I have been blessed with and though I agree I am blessed to have them I don't see how they are a consolation to my baby that died. Mark doesn't know what to do or say and sometimes when I cry I feel like its a bother to him. We recently ended our relationship and are currently living together until I can find another place to live. Just seeing his face makes me think about the baby and I can't help but break down in tears. I also feel that the hardest part of this loss is never having the closure I need. I don't get a funeral, I don't get a cemetary plot, or a tombstone to place flowers at. I feel like I have nothing left of this baby and all I want is something to hold on to. If anyone has any advice or suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you, Jennifer.