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I don't think I can get through this....I feel so alone.

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 7:03 AM
  • 12 Replies

 August 1st is the actual due date for my little Hunter. I feel like I just want to lose my mind! I feel so alone. I'm tired of putting up a front for people, when all I want to do is be a bitch and scream and cry, like I do when I'm alone. People try to comfort me, you know what I tell them? You want to comfort me?....give me my son back! I have pictures of him, I want to put them in a frame, but my husband can't handle it. It drives me nuts that he never cries with me. He keeps everything in. God this sucks! I want another baby, but he don't. And I resent him for it, and yet I understand where he is coming from, but I'll tell you....I want to be selfish, I want another baby. That's just how I feel.  I hate living day to day without my son. And sometimes I think, the nerve of God for doing such a thing to me! Who does he think he is? I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I take care of my children and my husband and my home.....So.......why me? What did I do to deserve this? Anywho...feel a mood swing coming on....

Love you all

by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 7:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 7:05 AM

I don't know what happened but I'm sorry you lost your baby :(

by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 7:13 AM

 Thank you. I was 7.5 months pregnant when Hunter passed away. He was born June 5th 2012. I should have been more specific...I'm sorry

by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 8:10 AM
I'm so sorry
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by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 8:54 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Men grieve differently. I would put if in a frame but keep it in a special spot for you. Pull it out when you need to or want to....until DH is ready. I agree, there really is no comforting a mother who has lost a child.
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by Lisa, Michigan mom on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:37 AM

I am so sorry for your loss!  Your post sounds so much like mine a few years ago!  I am sorry you're going through this and feel so alone.  I wish I could offer you some advice to help you heal and move forward.  I personally feel that we need to go through different stages and for me one was being angry at just about everything.  It's been 3 years since our 1st loss and it hurts but not as much........I remember him in other ways now.  HUGS!!!

by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:48 AM

(((hugs)))  I'm very sorry for the loss of litte Hunter :(

by Desiree-admin on Jul. 29, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Aww I'm sorry.  Its perfectly normal to have anger.  All I can think is don't hold it all in it just makes it worse, I know this from experience.  And one day you'll just explode.  I would have a big heart to heart talk with your husband and tell him how you feel about how he's grieving, what he will and won't let you do for your grief and anything bothering you.  I got to a point that I let it all out with DH and then he finally talked to me about it and we've been better since.  Maybe have you thought of going to Infant/Pregnancy loss groups in your area and/or grief counseling?  Grief counseling can really help.  My counselor brings out the stages of grief almost every session to illustrate what stages you go through in grief and that is normal and fine.  It might be useful to you both because you both are grieving in different way but at the same time you both need support from each other.  *Big Hugs*

by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 3:54 PM
I'm sorry. Maybe you could get a frame and keep it somewhere for you till he is ready. Maybe he is just scared right now to ttc. We lost our son on may 1st my due date is the 2nd of August. Its OK to be angry and hurt. Guys show emotion different he could feel the same as you and he is just afraid to show you how he feels. Maybe you both need to sit and talk about how you are feeling. Communication has helped us to get through this hard time and has brought us closer together. We have decided to try again because we have talked so much about how we feel and what we want. I hope things get easier for you and you get the baby of your dreams.
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by Silver Member on Jul. 29, 2012 at 4:06 PM

 Oh sweetie I am so sorry!!

Give your husband some time... Let him grieve, just be there for him, let him know that you are there for him and ask him if he wants to talk about it, and tell him how you feel. If you both shut yourselfs off of each other you will be in trouble.

Stop puttig up a front... I tell myself if people can't handle my grief I don't need to be around them anyway and if they can't handle it they iwll become scarce and if they do. its their loss. Hugs sweetie, we are here for you.

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by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:25 PM

Im so sorry for your loss! I agree with the oher ladies that maybe a special frame in a place where you can look at it when you need some comfort would be nice or maybe planting something in honor of your LO that wont be as direct as a photo for your dh to have to see but can help you find peace in having a piece of him there with you.  ((HUGS)) Grieve the way you need to and the people who care about you will understand.

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