I don't think I can get through this....I feel so alone.
August 1st is the actual due date for my little Hunter. I feel like I just want to lose my mind! I feel so alone. I'm tired of putting up a front for people, when all I want to do is be a bitch and scream and cry, like I do when I'm alone. People try to comfort me, you know what I tell them? You want to comfort me?....give me my son back! I have pictures of him, I want to put them in a frame, but my husband can't handle it. It drives me nuts that he never cries with me. He keeps everything in. God this sucks! I want another baby, but he don't. And I resent him for it, and yet I understand where he is coming from, but I'll tell you....I want to be selfish, I want another baby. That's just how I feel. I hate living day to day without my son. And sometimes I think, the nerve of God for doing such a thing to me! Who does he think he is? I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I take care of my children and my husband and my home.....So.......why me? What did I do to deserve this? Anywho...feel a mood swing coming on....
Love you all
I am so sorry for your loss! Your post sounds so much like mine a few years ago! I am sorry you're going through this and feel so alone. I wish I could offer you some advice to help you heal and move forward. I personally feel that we need to go through different stages and for me one was being angry at just about everything. It's been 3 years since our 1st loss and it hurts but not as much........I remember him in other ways now. HUGS!!!
Aww I'm sorry. Its perfectly normal to have anger. All I can think is don't hold it all in it just makes it worse, I know this from experience. And one day you'll just explode. I would have a big heart to heart talk with your husband and tell him how you feel about how he's grieving, what he will and won't let you do for your grief and anything bothering you. I got to a point that I let it all out with DH and then he finally talked to me about it and we've been better since. Maybe have you thought of going to Infant/Pregnancy loss groups in your area and/or grief counseling? Grief counseling can really help. My counselor brings out the stages of grief almost every session to illustrate what stages you go through in grief and that is normal and fine. It might be useful to you both because you both are grieving in different way but at the same time you both need support from each other. *Big Hugs*
Oh sweetie I am so sorry!!
Give your husband some time... Let him grieve, just be there for him, let him know that you are there for him and ask him if he wants to talk about it, and tell him how you feel. If you both shut yourselfs off of each other you will be in trouble.
Stop puttig up a front... I tell myself if people can't handle my grief I don't need to be around them anyway and if they can't handle it they iwll become scarce and if they do. its their loss. Hugs sweetie, we are here for you.
Im so sorry for your loss! I agree with the oher ladies that maybe a special frame in a place where you can look at it when you need some comfort would be nice or maybe planting something in honor of your LO that wont be as direct as a photo for your dh to have to see but can help you find peace in having a piece of him there with you. ((HUGS)) Grieve the way you need to and the people who care about you will understand.
How are you today? May 19
- robinparker
on Jul. 29, 2012 at 7:03 AM