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Posted by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:16 PM
  • 8 Replies

As I've already posted, I lost a baby 11 days ago at 15 weeks. Today is my neice's babyshower which I organized. Since losing our baby, her grandmother took over the party. But I can't help feeling guilty about not going. She wants me to go and has expressed that to me. I'm afraid of being an emotial wreck and crying at the shower. I have moments that I'm ok and then I cry out of any little reminder of what happened. Should I just go? Am I wrong for wanting to pass? What would you do?

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:16 PM
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by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:22 PM

I don't think you are being unreasonable to pass on your niece's shower.  Your loss is so fresh and new.  I hope you can come to a decision soon and have peace about it.  I am sorry for your loss. :(  HUGS!

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:25 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss and am sending you hugs! I wish I could answer that question. Honestly it's such a difficult thing. I myself, lost a baby at 15 weeks, one month ago and I know I would be having trouble with going to a babyshower at this point. There is no right or's all about how you feel. It is still so fresh, I don't think anyone would begrudge you not going. Really it's up to you, but no matter what you decide don't feel guilty. There is no right or wrongs with grief.

by Angela on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:28 PM

I would only go if you think you can manage...if not, then don't.  Hopefully your neice never has to understand what it's like to experience a loss...but hopefully she'd be understanding of your decision and your emotional state right now. 

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:36 PM

I think that it is normal to feel this way especially since it has been such a short time since you lost your LO.  It may be hard for everyone to understand but you know that you may not be able to handle it and its also nice that you are acknowledging that so you arent crying for the entire event.  Maybe later you can take your niece to lunch or dinner and give her the gift and just explain where you are coming from so she knows its no personal and that you love her but you just couldnt go.  ((HUGS))  Im sorry for your loss 

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 2:36 PM
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Thank you for responding. She is young and I don't know if she'll understand but this is one time I have to do what is right for me. And staying home sounds like the right thing. I'm not ready. Thank you for helping me see it's ok not to go.

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 2:48 PM

I"m glad you did what felt right for you. Treat yourself gently as you recover.

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 5:29 PM

 I think it is completely ok for you not to go. I know she wants you there, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do and it isn't fair for you to be so upset there. She will understand. Tell her you still care and love her but it is just way to hard right now, and you will spend some time with her soon.

by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:10 AM
Please do not feel bad at all for missing the shower!!! My first loss was two years ago and ive had two more losses since....I haven't been to a shower since. My theroy on it is there is no reason for you to give yourself more pain and suffering and if the person truly cares they will understand. I sat down with my sis in law and explained she was totally understanding. What I do is buy gifts online and ship them. Praying for you
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