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Withdrawing from Society

Posted by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 11:25 AM
  • 11 Replies

I'm thinking about shutting myself away for a couple months. I don't work outside the home anyway so that's not an issue. I'll go out and do the things I need to, go to the store etc. I'll take care of my family as they are always my main priority. I just mean going out and being among friends and socializing. DH says that's not good for me. But how is it good for me to constantly be in pain? Home is my safe place.

Background info: I had two miscarriages in 2011. One at 17 weeks and one at 6 weeks. We've been TTC for two years and have had trouble conceiving, besides the two we lost.

All around me friends are getting pregnant without even having to try and they are on their 3rd or 4th kid. One acts like she pity's me and another just tries to rub it in my face.

I'm so tired of hurting. I just want to be left alone now. I know there are plenty of ladies in this group who understand, but there is nobody in my personal life who understands. Even the people I know who had miscarriages went on to conceive shortly after.

I feel broken. I feel like a failure. I feel like God has forgotten me.

Thanks for listening.

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 11:25 AM
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by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 12:01 PM

God has not forgotten you Hun!  Don't let the Devil get in your head and tell you that!  I just want to encourage you to fight off those thoughts. 

I am so sorry for your losses, losing a baby is a pain like no other.  We are all here for you, we've all gone though this pain, and know what it's are in good company of great women here.  (((hugs)))

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 12:53 PM
Thinking of you
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by Desiree-admin on Aug. 24, 2012 at 6:12 PM

I'm sorry for your losses.  It's hard not to want to shut yourself away but from my experience it makes it worse and can cause depression if not make it worse if you already have it.  My daughter was born sleeping at 38 weeks May 3rd, 2012 and people that it was miraclous that I was out of the house 2 days after she passed.  My first outside trip was to a Farmer's market to pick flowers for my sweet Isabelle to plant in her honor.  The hardest part is just getting out.  If its too much to socialize start small.  Just take you and the kids out to the park by yourselves.  

Have you thought about looking up a local miscarriage and pregnancy loss support group in your area?  I did and the first time it was very hard to go but they have all showed me love and support for the loss of my daughter that I continue to go to every monthly meeting.  It is nice to have people that truly understand my loss and can relate and be sensitive to my loss.  

And God has NOT forgotten about you!  Angela4boys is right it is the Devil planting these thoughts in your mind.  God cannot prevent everything and he really does not want to see his children in pain.  He is there grieving your loss with you.  *Big Hugs*

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 6:19 PM
Im sorry losses. I too shut myself away from the world when I had my 1st mc in Jan 2009 (except for work which i lost my job in may 2009). I thought it was good for me, but in actuality I only sunk deeper into a depression. It took about 6 months for me to get out of it and get back into real life. It was hard but it eloped me to get past my loss. I still remember but now I am able to live with what happened. I had another mc in mar 2012 and didn't grieve at all. Shut it out of my mind, not sure why. I am saying a pray for you and your family.
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by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 7:13 PM
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Hugs! Don't shut yourself out of the world. Some days will be difficult, but life is still worth living
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by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 7:17 PM

Im so sorry you are feeling this way.  I know its hard to face everyday sometimes but I think i have to agree with dh that shutting yourself off from everyone would not be a good idea for you.  Seclusion isnt good especially if someone is depressed.  Now this doesnt mean that you have to go out partying and hanging out all of the time.  But maybe you hav a small handful of people who are not pregnant (so that doesnt make it uncomfortable) and you can trust to just go out to lunch or maybe have over for dinner and a game night or something.  This way you are still working on healing and not doing it alone.  I also think some counseling would help you.  I shut down for a while after my loss and trust me when I say it will catch up to you eventually :(  I hope you can start feeling better soon and find something that works for you.  You are in my thoughts and prayers ((HUGS))

by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 5:46 AM
I understand where your coming from I just delivered my daughter at 21 weeks im overcome with grief my husband and I have a 17 and 15 year old and it seems easier to be at home I think without my kids I would be a definite recluse. It does hurt to see people still pregnant around me maybe in time you and I will heal but we have to do it t our own pace and keep faith I will admit its easier said than done just hang in there sweetie
by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 9:15 PM

When I lost my baby two weeks ago, I would cry out to God, Lord why don't you love me? Why did you give me this child only to take him/her away? What have I done wrong?

And I needed to express this to him. Sometimes in the shower I would just brake down and sit in the tub crying and ask him the same questions till the water ran cold on me.

Sometimes we question God. But he is our father and loves us. We may not understand why he does the things he does. At the end you were open to God's will and allowed him to work and send you this baby. This child has a soul thanks to you. And in heaven you have an angel to defend you and who loves his mommy.

About cutting everyone off, I understand. I should be at church right now with my family but I'm not ready to deal with people. I agree with Angela4boys, the devil does trick us. And I know he's working on me also. Maybe next week I'll find it in me to go to mass. 

I know it's hard, but we need to pray for each other and it does get better. I have good days and bad days.  I'm sorry for your loss. At least we have one guarantee, that one day we will finally be able to meet our babies in heaven.

by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 10:27 PM

God has forgivin you. You made no mistakes in this and you have a  right to feel the way you do. I understand I had my first loss 10 yrs ago and my secound 8 years ago me and my DH took about 5 years off from TTC thinking maybe it just wasn't the right time in God's eyes. Now we have been trying for three years with no success so I understand your feelings of failure. Pray on it and even look into a local group for moms who have lost babies.

by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 11:07 PM
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Thank you. I'm sorry for all your losses. I met with a friend today and confided my feelings to her. It turns out she's been TTC for over a year, and she had a miscarriage years ago. I'm learning that there are more people out there who can relate to my situation, at least partially. It's just that we don't go around talking about it all the time, so you never know what someone has or is going through. I've decided to resist the urge to hide from the world at this time. Thank you for all the encouraging words. They helped a lot.

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