Finally allowed myself the "what would have happened" thoughts
I finally allowed myself to think about what would have happened if our baby had lived. I truly know in my heart it was a girl. She would have loved and appreciated that her first diaper was blue. Tomboy from the start. She would have adored her brother and he would have loved her right back. A litte smaller than her brother, she would have been so tiny and perfect in my arms. She would have so many sweet little cousins to love on her and guide her and be her playmates. So beautiful and so precious.
I needed to write this where people would understand. The grief has been almost unbearable today.