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Don't want to talk to/see ANYONE after miscarriage. Common?

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 12:44 PM
  • 14 Replies
Since my miscarriage and d&c a few days ago people have been reaching out to me, including my mother, sister and best friend but I do not want to see anyone or even email anyone. Everyone keeps telling me to call "just to talk" but I have no interest in talking about this with anyone who hasn't gone through it. I know they all mean well and they love me but already through their emails and voicemails I know they are going to say things to try and make me feel better, things like "this is how it was meant to be" and "next time you'll have a healthy baby" and "it's all part of God's plan".. I am not interested in hearing this things right now, I just want to be allowed to be alone and grieve.

Did anyone else feel anger/resentment towards loved ones and only want space?
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by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 12:44 PM
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by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2012 at 1:21 PM

I believe everyone heals differently.  You wanting to be alone is your way to healing and grieving. I had a miscarriae back on august 12th, my church new, but my family didn't. The day tht it was confirmed, i had to be around others, i couldn't be by myself, that is because i would have sat and pondered the what ifs, but that is how i handle things, i need to be around people to keep my mind off of it.  The two days after i found out i was home with my two boys and i was an emotionsl wreck, but was able to heal in my way.

You do what you need to do to over come this, and if that is not being around or talking to others then do it.  Others need to respect your decision on how you decide what you want and how you heal. I will be praying for you. 

by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 1:24 PM
As the previous poster said, everyone deals with it differently. My first one I didn't talk about it at all, didn't really cry, or anything. I went on like nothing had happened. Then I fell apart about a month later. This one I'm currently going through, I find it much more helpful for me to talk about it.
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by Desiree-admin on Sep. 7, 2012 at 1:30 PM

I was the opposite and welcomed the support and questions.  Although none of my family didn't say any of those things but my angel was born sleeping at 38 weeks so maybe thats why they didn't and because we knew for 5 months we would lose her.

I would just send out a mass email/text to everyone saying "I appreicate the support and concern but I ask that everyone give me a week or so to process everything and grieve.  If I need you or need to talk, I will let you know.  Thanks."  

Maybe sending something like that might help them give you space.  Cause they might not know unless you tell them you need space.  A lot of people think in time of grief is when someone needs their support the most.

by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 2:49 PM

I think it's normal for you to need time to yourself to sort through the emotions and to just grieve. 

For the first few weeks after my miscarriage I didn't want to be around anyone. Mostly because people kept being really pushing about "being there" for us. I didn't want to hear people say they were sorry or that the baby just wasn't meant to be. We asked to be given space because I was going to miscarry naturally and instead people kept dropping by the house to try to get us to talk about it. It got so bad that I completely snapped and posted on facebook for people to respect the fact that we were grieving and stay away. It took a year for some people to talk to us again. I don't regret it though... we needed the time alone. It was the only way we could handle it.

by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 3:34 PM
I guess I am the opposite to a degree. I want my physical space, but we posted on Facebook almost the second we found out we were going to have a baby, so we also posted almost immediately after we found out we were losing him/her. I didn't want to see anyone this weekend and have someone say something stupid, because they didn't know. We had our parents here for a couple of hours yesterday, but I think that was only because mine were areound the corner from our house when they called on their way home from the airport. I have had a history of depression mostly resulting from an abusive ex who isolated me, so I feel the need to be very open with everyone now.
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 3:38 PM
I have to also say, when the dr office suggested a local support group I decline the information. I prefer this type better. I have a tough time with the physical aspect, facial expressions, vibrations people give off etc. I am far too sensitive to others pain, and I know everyone who cares about us also lost this baby.
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 3:38 PM
I was like that sweetie. I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I hated everything, lashed out and then some. I'm sorry u had to go threw this. Hugs
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by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 3:50 PM
I was also the same way. Especially with my third miscarriage. I was tired of hearing how "it was God's plan" or "you can always have another". It gets easier as time goes on, but take your time and do what "you" need to do to grieve. My heart goes out to you.
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by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 3:54 PM

I did for a little while and for the most part everyone respected that.  I think its normal but its important not to allow it to go on for too long so it doesnt lead to a massice bout of depression or alienate you to the point where it becomes really excessive.  I always think we need our own time to process everything.  I would just tell them you need your space to grieve right now and when you are feeling more up for it you will let them know and they can be there for you.  The way they can help you now is by giving you that space.  You know what you need to get through this but make sure you are honest and open with your loved ones around you so they can repect that and are less inclined to worry and try to crowd you more. you know we are here for you when you need to talk and I hope you get the space you need.  ((HUGS))

by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 5:19 PM

 Yup. I had no desire to do anything for about a week. I think I just laid in bed and waited for sleep to take over. I couldn't face anyone or talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. The worst feeling was knowing my baby was dead inside me and I had to decide to either let it pass or kill it all over ( I know that sounds crazy, but I felt like doing anything would be like killing it) I just didn't function. SO, don't let anyone tell you how to deal...when you are ready to reach out, you will!

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