Due date coming up....sigh
Hi, it's me, Katie.....I haven't been on much in the last little bit. So for those of you who aren't familiar with me. I lost my 3rd baby in May of this year and my 4th pregnancy in September....
here's where I am today....emotionally face down in the mud and here's why:
It seems everyone around me is having babies or getting pregnant. I feel like I'm sort of in the shadows, or just peeking out as an observer. I am blessed with 2 boys and should feel that way, but as December approaches I can't stop thinking about what my 8 month body would look like and my how my baby would feel inside me and wonder if this one would be the daughter my heart longs for. I know the baby is in heaven with the one I lost the end of September, but right now all I can think about is why did God hand me this twice, back to back? I know I'm just at a low spot right this minute, but the hurt doesn't go away, you just learn how to deal with it or ignore it. It makes me want to scream because I know I'm the only one who will be thinking of baby Cameron Leigh this Christmas and missing my lost Christmas gift.