Instead of going to the hospital, i went to her grave
Yesterday was my induction date. i was supposed to be heading up to the hospital to have my little girl. right now i should be there, holding her, cuddling her, nursing her. instead i went to visit her grave. i hate this. i hate so much that she was taken away from me. my beautiful little girl. the scene that i cant get out of my head is when the dr. checked her heartbeat and said time of death 9:40am. i would give anything to hold her right now. im so mad! im so upset! it seems like everyone else has gotten over her death but me. in front of everyone i seem fine. but when im alone is when the tears flow. it sucks so bad. i just dont understand why she had to come early. no one knows really why i went into labor (though i say it was from all the stress i was under at the time), and no one understands why she wasnt tolerating the labor. i just wanted to curl up and sleep all day, but i had things to do. and now i cant sleep.