Feels like torture (turned out being long, sorry!)
So leading up to ttc the first time we would talk to ds about having a baby and what that meant, he is now 5. Back then he was NOT having it, the idea of a baby made him angry and made it very clear, he did NOT want a baby in this family. I know he was only four so his opinion obvioously didn't sway us too much but I did worry and feel bad that when we did have a baby he wouldn't like the baby and be miserable. So I get pregnant August, very early so we obviously don't tell him. Fast forward to the end of Sept, I have a miscarriage. Again we don't tell him because it was an early loss, and because he was 4 and just didn't feel it was necessary.
Ok well he obviously over heard me talking to someone about the miscarriage, I always tried not to talk about it around him because it really upsets him when I'm upset. So he asks me about the baby and decide to just tell him the truth and tell him that its okay to be sad and miss the baby but the baby is in heaven with God and is watching over us and will is everyday. He actually seemed to understand. He stills talks about the baby in heaven every once in a while.
Now here's the kicker..The last month and a half or so he has been talking about "the baby we are going to have." Now he wants a baby! Everywhere we go he tells me..oh (pointing to diapers) we have to buy those for the baby we're going to have. "Oh, we should save these baby toys for the new baby." Now it's several times a day everyday that hes's talking about this baby we are going to have. He understands the baby we had is gone and in heaven, he is talking about a new baby. It kills me, it really does. I want another baby more than anytthing but I am not ready to start trying again ANYTIME soon. UGh..my heart is just broken.