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Things people say

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:32 AM
  • 9 Replies
Since my miscarriage there have been many times that people who didn't know have said things that were not meant to be at all mean but were actually very hurtful. My boyfriend had only told his parents and sister that I was pregnant. One night just shortly after the mc I was talking to his cousin. He asked me how often Marcus (bf) and I saw each other and I said a lot. He said well what about the baby? It took my a couple of seconds to realize that he meant my son, not the baby Marcus and I were supposed to have. It wasn't a bad comment, it just caught me completely off guard.
A few weeks later we were out with a couple Marcus is friends with. The girl said to Marcus "I haven't seen you in forever. Catch me up on your life. Where are you working now? How many kids do you have?" She was joking but all I could think was if you only knew. You have no idea what you just asked.
This has made me wonder how many times I've made some passing comment like this that has actually been really significant or painful to the person I'm talking to.
Its been almost 2 months since my mc but II think I've actually been worse this past week or so. It seems like its been more painful and I've been more upset and angry about it. Those comments and other things have been on my mind so I just thought I would post it here.
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by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:32 AM
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Replies (1-9):
debbie303
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:06 AM
1 mom liked this

yea, i just had someone say to me " u look good, u lost weight!" im thinking " i just miscarried u stupid f%@#..." then thinking she hasnt seen me in a long time. but i smiled and said thx, as my aunt and sister stood by fully knowing.. i think we just read into.

3xBabylove
by Heather on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:45 AM
1 mom liked this
I hate that.. Monday will be 2 weeks since I mc and I work as a stylist so clients ask me all the time about my kids and the. They say oh you gonna try for that little girl? Or you gonna have anymore..: I just want to punch them..
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iSMILEheCRIES
by Gold Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:55 AM
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 About 2 weeks my loss I was at work and a customer/distant friend came up and said "what!? I thought you were pregnant!?  I told him, I was.  And he's like "you already had the baby?"  He is a young guy, he didn't know what he was saying.  I finally told him I lost the baby and I thought he was gonna throw up on my floor, he turned pale and started lean over while holding the counter.  Then he continued to put his foot in his mouth talking about trying again.  I almost felt sorry for him.  But I know what mean about someone who knows the truth just standing by and not saving you from the pain, 3 of my cashiers were there and no one saved me.

Quoting debbie303:

yea, i just had someone say to me " u look good, u lost weight!" im thinking " i just miscarried u stupid f%@#..." then thinking she hasnt seen me in a long time. but i smiled and said thx, as my aunt and sister stood by fully knowing.. i think we just read into.

 

Motherwannabe12
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 10:04 AM

I know, every time someone asks when DH and I are going to have kids, I want to punch them and then run off screaming like a mad person. We are trying, we just can't get them to stick. We've m/c twice in the 3 yrs we've been married. I've even had some family (whom we no longer speak to or claim as family) say that God is punishing me and that I don't deserve to have children. This still hurts but I know God doesn't do that and the person who said it is just jealous of me because her children have always taken up with me better than their own mother.

Devious103102
by Priscilla on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:08 PM

(((hugs))) I've had a lot of comments like that that have utterly broken my heart into pieces, specifically concering the "oh wow, all girls, when are you gonna have a boy?" comment, but those who say that don't realize I just lost a son (6th loss, 2nd confirmed boy) =0(

momofcrazypants
by Leslie on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:22 PM

I wish there was a good answer for this. I think all of us are going through some sort of "foot in mouth" syndrome. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I think it's even harder when it comes from family. :(

sjenkins8208
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:52 PM
Yeah itnsucks when people ask us when we are going to have more kids or why we haven't. I just want to scream " I'm fucking trying! I had a mc, shut your mouths!" but I can't be hateful to people who don't know. It's just hard
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:01 PM
1 mom liked this

Any other time these would be innocent and normal comments.  But you experienced a loss and hurting.  They are not trying to hurt you and maybe eventually those comments won't hurt you because they are innocent comments with no negativity that would usually be taken wrong.  Sometimes when we experience loss we are super aware of everything that is said around us and the smallest thing can be upsetting.  *Hugs*  I'm sorry for your loss.

yperez0209
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:05 PM

When I lost my baby in August at 15 weeks a friend of mine and my husband said to me, "Well at least now you don't have that burden on your shoulders." He's an older gentleman and I don't think he realized what he was saying or how hurtful it was. But you'll always get people saying things that will hurt. I'm sorry for your loss.

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