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What am I supposed to do?! *UPDATE* I am so mad/sad/hurt right now! I'm a mess....

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:06 PM
  • 32 Replies

My gf just sent me a pic of her positive pregnancy test. She has a ds that will be two in feb and she does NOT want to be pregnant. I'm the only person she feels she can go to with this but I just don't know what to say to her. She knows I miscarried in sept and for the most part I am okay talking about it with her. I just don't know how to console someone with an unwanted pregnancy when I desperately wish every day that I was still pregnant. I just am speechless, I want to help her but just can't find the words.


**UPDATE**

I haven't been responding to her texts today and she just keeps sending them. The last one is that she did the chinese calendar for ds and it always said boy so when she did it for this pregnancy it says girl so she is going to go through with the pregnancy. She knows how bad dh and I were wanting a girl, why would she send this to me? Is she really that dumb that she doesn't realize how bad that hurts me. So now suddenly because some bs gender thing says you're going to have a girl NOW you decide to keep the baby. I just want to drive to her house and punch her right now. :(


**UPDATE 2**

I've had some time to get over the initial shock and am feeling much better. I don't blame her for coming to me and I know she wasn't trying to hurt me. I am the only person she feels she can come to with this and I appreciate that. I know my time will come. If she does decide to go through with the pregnancy, I know it will be hard for me but I'll be okay. I may have bad days and feel angry that it's her, who didn't even want a baby, and not me who wants one so desperately. She just has a lot going through her head right now as I do but I can put my feelings aside and be there for her. 

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommyofnoah208
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:19 PM
I would just be honest with her for the most part. Tell her you care for her and are sorry, but also that you are still hurting and that her baby is a blessing, that its hard for you to console her when she has what was take from you. Its a hard situation. Thinking of you
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michellej428
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:28 PM
Thank you. I tried telling her that but she is a very over emotional and irrational person and she's just not even seeing that right now. Her bf is a pos, they rent two bedrooms in a four bedroom house with two of our other male friends, they are having a hard enough time right now financially that I can't even imagine how they would be able to find another place to live and bring another child into this world. The world is so unfair sometimes. She's talking about abortion..what?!? And she's asking my opinion, if that would make her a horrible person. I don't even know what to say. I am usually pro choice but right now, in this situation, I really just want to scream at her. UGH!

Quoting mommyofnoah208:

I would just be honest with her for the most part. Tell her you care for her and are sorry, but also that you are still hurting and that her baby is a blessing, that its hard for you to console her when she has what was take from you. Its a hard situation. Thinking of you
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Mommy4Clara
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:02 AM

I agree with this, but I also know, from experience, that an unplanned pregnancy can be a shock at first, but then is an amazing blessing.  When I found out I was pregnant with my son, my daughter was only 19 months and I was not ready for another baby.  However, after a few months, I got use to the idea, and of course, the second I held him, I was IN LOVE! I have a friend who had the same thing happen to her - she got pregnant when her baby was only 6 months old and she was terrified to have another baby.  She went through 9 months of saying she didn't want the baby. Once that baby was born, she was instantly bonded and now that he's a year old, he is a big time mommy's boy. 

Now that I've lost a baby (a planned pregnancy), I cannot imagine ever not wanting another pregnancy - even an unplanned one.... She'll come around!

Quoting mommyofnoah208:

I would just be honest with her for the most part. Tell her you care for her and are sorry, but also that you are still hurting and that her baby is a blessing, that its hard for you to console her when she has what was take from you. Its a hard situation. Thinking of you


cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Dec. 19, 2012 at 1:37 AM

I agree and i'm sorry your in this situation hun because I know its' a tough one to bei n ((hugs))

Quoting mommyofnoah208:

I would just be honest with her for the most part. Tell her you care for her and are sorry, but also that you are still hurting and that her baby is a blessing, that its hard for you to console her when she has what was take from you. Its a hard situation. Thinking of you


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Angela4boys
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 6:34 AM
Yes. This. I think having experienced what a loss feels like, makes you appreciate life more. Hopefully she never has to understand.

Quoting mommyofnoah208:

I would just be honest with her for the most part. Tell her you care for her and are sorry, but also that you are still hurting and that her baby is a blessing, that its hard for you to console her when she has what was take from you. Its a hard situation. Thinking of you
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Dani41780
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 7:24 AM

I think that she should be more sensitive to your feelings (with you just having a loss). I think your amazing friend for being there for her, but I personally would have to tell her that you are here for her but right now you cant really support her decision?

blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on Dec. 19, 2012 at 9:31 AM

*hugs*  I'm sorry.  If she was a friend she would realize she put you in a hard position.  If its too hard for you just tell her.  

blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on Dec. 19, 2012 at 9:33 AM
1 mom liked this

Honestly I would tell her that her coming to you is selfish and you can't handle it right now and then I would ignore her if she continues.  That is definitely something you don't need to hear.

Quoting michellej428:

Thank you. I tried telling her that but she is a very over emotional and irrational person and she's just not even seeing that right now. Her bf is a pos, they rent two bedrooms in a four bedroom house with two of our other male friends, they are having a hard enough time right now financially that I can't even imagine how they would be able to find another place to live and bring another child into this world. The world is so unfair sometimes. She's talking about abortion..what?!? And she's asking my opinion, if that would make her a horrible person. I don't even know what to say. I am usually pro choice but right now, in this situation, I really just want to scream at her. UGH!

Quoting mommyofnoah208:

I would just be honest with her for the most part. Tell her you care for her and are sorry, but also that you are still hurting and that her baby is a blessing, that its hard for you to console her when she has what was take from you. Its a hard situation. Thinking of you


momofcrazypants
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 9:46 AM

I am so sorry  you are having to go through this right now, it's got to be extremely difficult. Especially after what you've recently been through yourself. I agree that she's being selfish, but you said she's emotional and irrational at times so if you bring up your feelings to her she may not understand what you're saying or even listen because she's too preoccupied with herself at the moment. I'm prochoice (not that this is about our feelings on the topic at the moment), but being a mom myself, I couldn't use abortion as a method of birth control. I agree with what the other moms say about unplanned pregnancies being a blessing, I had my DD when I was very young and her birth father wasn't a very good person. He ended up leaving the picture and we haven't seen him since. I was only 21 at the time and on active duty in the Air Force. I had her, was instantly in love and have never regretted my decision for a minute. No matter how hard things were, we always found a way and she is now almost 13. But, this is a decision that she will have to make and it is insensitive that she is trying to pull you in on it. You may have to walk away for a little while, just to protect yourself.

jacksmom3707
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:01 AM

This. I don't know if sending you a picture of her positive pregnancy test was very kind considering your circumstances. Be there if you can but if not, maybe she's someone you need to distance yourself from for now until you have time to heal. You need to worry about you and how you are doing first and foremost and if dealing with her issues upsets you, it's best to back off a bit. Hopefully your friend will never have to know the pain of losing a pregnancy.

Quoting Dani41780:

I think that she should be more sensitive to your feelings (with you just having a loss). I think your amazing friend for being there for her, but I personally would have to tell her that you are here for her but right now you cant really support her decision?

 

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