Indescribable Pain .... First Pregnancy First Miscarriage
I need to vent and find support. My husband and I have been TTC for 2 years. We found out we were pregnant on Nov 28th. At just about 6 weeks I had bad cramping and was advised to go to the hospital in case it was appendicitis. They did an ultrasound and confirmed I was pregnant but there was no heartbeat yet. They instructed me to go to my obgyn the following week to confirm heartbeat. It was there. I saw it and heard it and took my three little pictures of my first child home with me. I was elated!!
Off we go to the inlaws for the Christmas holiday and we share our news because everyone had been praying and wishing us well. Plus I wasn't drinking and that tipped everyone off. I feel pregnant the entire time. I have done everything by the book the entire 7 going on 8 weeks. Nothing is amiss. I am happy
Friday was my official 8 week apt and I bring my husband expecting to see that little buddy grow and hear a strong heartbeat and from the minute she starts looking we both knew it was not good. It hadn't grown a bit in the last week. The obgyn advises it probably has been dead for a week. This is the part where I start to lose my mind.....I had no bleeding no cramping no indication at all that I had lost the baby. I have now been carrying this sweet little dead baby for 9 days now. They scheduled my D&C for Wednesday because of the New Year holiday. That will put me at 12 days.
I am so incredibly sad about the loss of my first baby but I cannot explain the sadness I have carrying my baby still in my body. I still feel pregnant .... If they hadn't told me otherwise I would guess I was still pregnant. It has only been two days that I have known that I have miscarried but this pain is unbearable. I keep telling myself it is okay to grieve and that I will get pregnant again but as I am sure you all can understand it is so incredibly painful. So sad. So unfair. So cruel.
We all have our stories and my sadness is no different than yours. It just feels somewhat comforting to know that I am not alone. Thank you in advance for your kind words and advise