I sent my Angel to Heaven today.....
I would have been 8 weeks 5 days. My second Angel went to Heaven today. I hope my first Angel was there to take this baby to see God.
It never gets any easier. The loss is tremendous. The baby we tried so hard for can't live with us on Earth. I pray Heavenly Father gives me the blessing of someday hearing the sound of my own babies laughs and cries. I pray my day will come.
My husband deploys soon, really soon. If we have enough time we will try again before he goes. If not we will have to wait a while until he comes back.
I want to share this poem I found that explains how I feel in this moment. Some of you may have seen it before:
What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to filll the womb
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start!