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I would have been 8 weeks 5 days. My second Angel went to Heaven today. I hope my first Angel was there to take this baby to see God. 

It never gets any easier. The loss is tremendous. The baby we tried so hard for can't live with us on Earth. I pray Heavenly Father gives me the blessing of someday hearing the sound of my own babies laughs and cries. I pray my day will come. 

My husband deploys soon, really soon. If we have enough time we will try again before he goes. If not we will have to wait a while until he comes back. 

I want to share this poem I found that explains how I feel in this moment. Some of you may have seen it before:

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to filll the womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start!

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:23 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Desiree-admin on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:22 PM

*hugs*  I'm so sorry for your 2nd loss.  I hope the year gets brighter for you and you can get pregnant with a sticky healthy rainbow baby.

Are you going to see if the doctors will do any testing for you?

by Amy on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:26 PM

((hugs)) i'm so sorry hun. 

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:11 AM
I love that poem, it still makes me cry no matter how many times I read it. I am so sorry for your loss.
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by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:06 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you so much for sharing this poem. It brought me to tears. I believe our babies are watching over us. We will be with our babies again.
I'm so sorry your baby became an angel today and you ain't have him or her here with you physically. Hugs to you.
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:59 AM
im so sorry for your losses. they are now together playing at the lords feet, watching over you till they can see you again. i had several m/cs before finally getting my children so dont give up hope
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by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 5:26 AM
I'm so sorry
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by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 6:34 AM
I am so sorry for your loss:( such heartbreaking news :(
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by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 6:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Reading your post and the touching poem you posted , made me cry openly. i hope with all my heat and soul that you conceive before your DH deploys , but should you not , and you need someone to talk to please feel free to reach out to me. i lost my twin girls on DEC 20th this year. though i can't even fathom the loss you feel , though ,i can relate, and hopefully through each interaction with other mothers who have been through the same you can begin to heal. my heart goes out to you .   Katherine

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:32 AM

I'm so sorry for your losses. I have seen the poem before and it makes me cry every time I read it! I was active duty Air Force many years ago (I got out in 2002), so I know how hard deployments are. Wishing you guys the very best with his upcoming deployment and with you ttc again. If there's anything we can do, please let us know! (hugs)

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:05 PM
Im so sorry gor your loss :( That's how far along I am supposed to be, if I pass the baby do you know what it looks like? I think I might have already but I'm not sure
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