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I would have been 8 weeks 5 days. My second Angel went to Heaven today. I hope my first Angel was there to take this baby to see God. 

It never gets any easier. The loss is tremendous. The baby we tried so hard for can't live with us on Earth. I pray Heavenly Father gives me the blessing of someday hearing the sound of my own babies laughs and cries. I pray my day will come. 

My husband deploys soon, really soon. If we have enough time we will try again before he goes. If not we will have to wait a while until he comes back. 

I want to share this poem I found that explains how I feel in this moment. Some of you may have seen it before:

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to filll the womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start!

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:23 PM
Replies (21-24):
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:41 PM

wow, made me cry :'(

im so sorry that we all have to go through this, hugs to u 

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:01 PM

I don't. I have only had one bleed and just brown discharge since the 27th. I haven't passed any tissue or any heavy bleeding yet but I will let you know as soon as I do. 

Quoting Ducky.anj:

Im so sorry gor your loss :( That's how far along I am supposed to be, if I pass the baby do you know what it looks like? I think I might have already but I'm not sure

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:33 PM

I am so sorry for your losses. I too suffered multiple losses. It has been many years but I still think about the 13 angels in heaven waiting for me, and what they would have been like had they survived. 12 of them had been back to back between our oldest and our second, the other was before I had my oldest. I can tell you that we did not give up, and when I became pregnant with our second child, my first reaction was "here we go again" I found a miscarriage support group, and they really helped as I am sure I could not have gotten to the point I did and then had another premiee without those wonderful women! 2 years later I found myself pregnant again (a surprise this time) and went on to have another premiee and he also survived. At that point we chose to get my tubes tied as I was in and out of the hospital with the pregnancy and spent 10 weeks in premature labor in the hospital. I could not handle another pregnancy or another loss.

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:52 PM

This poem does many things to me, for me and with me...I know that sounds weird. It makes me question the who,e, "G-D has a plan" concept, it makes me worry that G-D for whatever reason chooses who can be a mother and when, then it makes me think in reality and realize everything is a body issue. Women, after the man completes his part, are the sole entities that make the pregnancy carry to term or not. And that is what makes me so sad. I was blessed with one miracle when I was 24, had this amazing little girl whose now six and challenges me as a person and a mother everyday, but now at 31 I have suffered two loses and feel like asking, "why when we are actually planning to add to our family, is G-D playing this game with us?" I understood the message from the first loss, I needed to relinquish control and realize I can't control everything, most things and I have to let o a little and relax. But the second loss, has not yielded anything positive for me. I am currently ting medication to get my body back in order. My dr did a test and said my egg quality is good, but my ovaries are not dropping their eggs and my lining is not thickening up like it should, etc. so I am taking two different fertility meds to kick start my body back into action...and I am trying to put my faith in the medical field as well as G-D and pray that he feels I have learned my lessons and that he will help complete our family, that truly feels incomplete. My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it must be with your husband over seas and your timing has to be just right!!! I know it will happen for you both. Good things eventually happen to good people,right??? Hugs to you!!!

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