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When I pass the baby

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:25 AM
  • 20 Replies
I can't imagine just flushing it like a fish. I am 9 weeks and I've heard it will have baby like features. I also can't bury it because I live in a town home with no yard. Me and my fiancé decided that maybe we could get a pot and plant something that we choose together and put our baby in it. My grandma thinks this is really weird and if anything just bury it at a park, she also said it will probably just look like a blood clot. I don't feel she is being very sensitive to my feelings. I don't want our baby at a park with ducks pooping on it and strangers walking on it. Do you ladies think burying it in a pot would be weird?
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by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momofcrazypants
by Leslie on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:35 AM

I don't know what would be normal for you to expect. I didn't lose my baby naturally, I had to have a D&C. I don't think that any of your issues are weird or strange, it's all about your comfort level and how you want to honor your little one. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that some of the other ladies on here can help you out a little more with what to expect in the process. (hugs)

smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:37 AM
Thank you, does a D&C hurt? I've been concerned about that if I have to have one.

Quoting momofcrazypants:

I don't know what would be normal for you to expect. I didn't lose my baby naturally, I had to have a D&C. I don't think that any of your issues are weird or strange, it's all about your comfort level and how you want to honor your little one. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that some of the other ladies on here can help you out a little more with what to expect in the process. (hugs)

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momofcrazypants
by Leslie on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:41 AM

I was a little further along than you. I should have been close to 17w but they think the baby potentially passed away maybe 2w before that. They put me completely under for it. That part was a little scary, because I've never been put to sleep. When I woke up, it was uncomfortable but they give you pain meds to help with the cramping. I also bled alot. I would say in a few days my body felt better, but the bleeding and on and off cramping was probably close to 2 weeks. The cramping was most intense for the first day or two, after they were pretty random and probably close to menstrual cramps on the pain scale.

Quoting smurfy88:

Thank you, does a D&C hurt? I've been concerned about that if I have to have one.

Quoting momofcrazypants:

I don't know what would be normal for you to expect. I didn't lose my baby naturally, I had to have a D&C. I don't think that any of your issues are weird or strange, it's all about your comfort level and how you want to honor your little one. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that some of the other ladies on here can help you out a little more with what to expect in the process. (hugs)


smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:46 AM
I'm sorry for your loss, do you know if its typical to be put completely under for that procedure?

Quoting momofcrazypants:

I was a little further along than you. I should have been close to 17w but they think the baby potentially passed away maybe 2w before that. They put me completely under for it. That part was a little scary, because I've never been put to sleep. When I woke up, it was uncomfortable but they give you pain meds to help with the cramping. I also bled alot. I would say in a few days my body felt better, but the bleeding and on and off cramping was probably close to 2 weeks. The cramping was most intense for the first day or two, after they were pretty random and probably close to menstrual cramps on the pain scale.


Quoting smurfy88:

Thank you, does a D&C hurt? I've been concerned about that if I have to have one.



Quoting momofcrazypants:

I don't know what would be normal for you to expect. I didn't lose my baby naturally, I had to have a D&C. I don't think that any of your issues are weird or strange, it's all about your comfort level and how you want to honor your little one. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that some of the other ladies on here can help you out a little more with what to expect in the process. (hugs)


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momofcrazypants
by Leslie on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:54 AM

I think it's a case by case basis. I was further along, and honestly they had a hard time getting my bleeding under control and almost had to transfuse me. I tend to bleed alot, I don't have clotting disorders but it's just something that has happened before. I've heard of other women who weren't as far along who didn't have to be put under. I will say this much, it's such an emotionally traumatic experience. In my case, I was glad that they did because that would be just another horrible memory to remember and I already had too many. In the beginning, you're in shock. At least I was. I was bawling the entire day and a half up to the D&C, bawling before they put me under and bawling when they were trying to pull me out of the anesthesia. I guess what I'm trying to say is that they can do local or monitored anesthesia, if you have to end up going this route, talk it over with your doctor. Let him or her know what you're concerns are and how you'd like to proceed.

It's so very hard. I'm so sorry. Friday will be 7 weeks since we lost our baby.

Quoting smurfy88:

I'm sorry for your loss, do you know if its typical to be put completely under for that procedure?

Quoting momofcrazypants:

I was a little further along than you. I should have been close to 17w but they think the baby potentially passed away maybe 2w before that. They put me completely under for it. That part was a little scary, because I've never been put to sleep. When I woke up, it was uncomfortable but they give you pain meds to help with the cramping. I also bled alot. I would say in a few days my body felt better, but the bleeding and on and off cramping was probably close to 2 weeks. The cramping was most intense for the first day or two, after they were pretty random and probably close to menstrual cramps on the pain scale.


Quoting smurfy88:

Thank you, does a D&C hurt? I've been concerned about that if I have to have one.



Quoting momofcrazypants:

I don't know what would be normal for you to expect. I didn't lose my baby naturally, I had to have a D&C. I don't think that any of your issues are weird or strange, it's all about your comfort level and how you want to honor your little one. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that some of the other ladies on here can help you out a little more with what to expect in the process. (hugs)



smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:58 AM
Okay, thank you. You always think it won't happen to you and then when it does it seems so unreal.

Quoting momofcrazypants:

I think it's a case by case basis. I was further along, and honestly they had a hard time getting my bleeding under control and almost had to transfuse me. I tend to bleed alot, I don't have clotting disorders but it's just something that has happened before. I've heard of other women who weren't as far along who didn't have to be put under. I will say this much, it's such an emotionally traumatic experience. In my case, I was glad that they did because that would be just another horrible memory to remember and I already had too many. In the beginning, you're in shock. At least I was. I was bawling the entire day and a half up to the D&C, bawling before they put me under and bawling when they were trying to pull me out of the anesthesia. I guess what I'm trying to say is that they can do local or monitored anesthesia, if you have to end up going this route, talk it over with your doctor. Let him or her know what you're concerns are and how you'd like to proceed.

It's so very hard. I'm so sorry. Friday will be 7 weeks since we lost our baby.


Quoting smurfy88:

I'm sorry for your loss, do you know if its typical to be put completely under for that procedure?



Quoting momofcrazypants:

I was a little further along than you. I should have been close to 17w but they think the baby potentially passed away maybe 2w before that. They put me completely under for it. That part was a little scary, because I've never been put to sleep. When I woke up, it was uncomfortable but they give you pain meds to help with the cramping. I also bled alot. I would say in a few days my body felt better, but the bleeding and on and off cramping was probably close to 2 weeks. The cramping was most intense for the first day or two, after they were pretty random and probably close to menstrual cramps on the pain scale.



Quoting smurfy88:

Thank you, does a D&C hurt? I've been concerned about that if I have to have one.





Quoting momofcrazypants:

I don't know what would be normal for you to expect. I didn't lose my baby naturally, I had to have a D&C. I don't think that any of your issues are weird or strange, it's all about your comfort level and how you want to honor your little one. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that some of the other ladies on here can help you out a little more with what to expect in the process. (hugs)



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Angela4boys
by Angela on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:05 AM
I have a friend that recently lost a baby, and they buried their baby under a plant they picked out and planted in a pot. You could also chose cremation. You may not get any ashes back, but you may feel at peace that the remains of your baby were handled respectfully. We had our 16 week baby cremated, and got about a quarter cup if ashes back. You could call around and check prices. It cost us 75 dollars, but I know there are places that will do it free. The first place I called quoted $250, the second place $75... We just went with that.



If you want to bury your baby, you don't need to worry what grandma thinks, this is your baby, and it's a decision you need to be comfortable with.
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smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:29 AM
Thank you, I think if we pass it at home then I am going to bury it in a pot. I am just so frustrated because my family is acting like since I'm only 9 weeks it's not as big of a deal, but it is to me.

Quoting Angela4boys:

I have a friend that recently lost a baby, and they buried their baby under a plant they picked out and planted in a pot. You could also chose cremation. You may not get any ashes back, but you may feel at peace that the remains of your baby were handled respectfully. We had our 16 week baby cremated, and got about a quarter cup if ashes back. You could call around and check prices. It cost us 75 dollars, but I know there are places that will do it free. The first place I called quoted $250, the second place $75... We just went with that.





If you want to bury your baby, you don't need to worry what grandma thinks, this is your baby, and it's a decision you need to be comfortable with.
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Angela4boys
by Angela on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this
It is a big deal, it's your baby, that's a very big deal. Sorry you aren't getting their support.

Quoting smurfy88:

Thank you, I think if we pass it at home then I am going to bury it in a pot. I am just so frustrated because my family is acting like since I'm only 9 weeks it's not as big of a deal, but it is to me.



Quoting Angela4boys:

I have a friend that recently lost a baby, and they buried their baby under a plant they picked out and planted in a pot. You could also chose cremation. You may not get any ashes back, but you may feel at peace that the remains of your baby were handled respectfully. We had our 16 week baby cremated, and got about a quarter cup if ashes back. You could call around and check prices. It cost us 75 dollars, but I know there are places that will do it free. The first place I called quoted $250, the second place $75... We just went with that.







If you want to bury your baby, you don't need to worry what grandma thinks, this is your baby, and it's a decision you need to be comfortable with.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momofcrazypants
by Leslie on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:41 AM

I too, never thought this would happen to me. I already had two healthy kids, my sister has 5, my SIL has 3...blah blah blah. Miscarriages aren't "common", for lack of a better word, in our family. My mother did have one 30 years ago under the same circumstances that I did and her next conception after that ended up being my twin brothers. It is totally surreal. For me, it was like I was living in some really bad dream that I couldn't wake up from.

I think burying your baby is a nice idea. I wish I had the opportunity to do that. Not to get too descriptive, but we had our remains sent off to pathology and we had to sign paperwork allowing them to medically dispose of whatever was left. It's heartbreaking.

I'm sorry that some of those around you don't really understand what you're going through. I think most of us have run across people like that whether they be in our family or circle of friends or whatever. It's just hard for them to relate to you when they aren't in your shoes. I couldn't talk to most of my friends openly about what I was going through. My loss was almost treated as a "taboo" topic or like a yucky disease they might catch! So, that's when I turned to this group. It's helped me out so very much and I hope you get the same great experience out of it that I did.

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