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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support
I can't imagine just flushing it like a fish. I am 9 weeks and I've heard it will have baby like features. I also can't bury it because I live in a town home with no yard. Me and my fiancé decided that maybe we could get a pot and plant something that we choose together and put our baby in it. My grandma thinks this is really weird and if anything just bury it at a park, she also said it will probably just look like a blood clot. I don't feel she is being very sensitive to my feelings. I don't want our baby at a park with ducks pooping on it and strangers walking on it. Do you ladies think burying it in a pot would be weird?
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by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:25 AM
Replies (11-20):
smurfy88
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:44 AM
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I have heard great things about this group. I wish my fiancé could have a support system to turn to as well, I am trying to help him with his grief but its hard when I'm dealing with my own.

Quoting momofcrazypants:

I too, never thought this would happen to me. I already had two healthy kids, my sister has 5, my SIL has 3...blah blah blah. Miscarriages aren't "common", for lack of a better word, in our family. My mother did have one 30 years ago under the same circumstances that I did and her next conception after that ended up being my twin brothers. It is totally surreal. For me, it was like I was living in some really bad dream that I couldn't wake up from.

I think burying your baby is a nice idea. I wish I had the opportunity to do that. Not to get too descriptive, but we had our remains sent off to pathology and we had to sign paperwork allowing them to medically dispose of whatever was left. It's heartbreaking.

I'm sorry that some of those around you don't really understand what you're going through. I think most of us have run across people like that whether they be in our family or circle of friends or whatever. It's just hard for them to relate to you when they aren't in your shoes. I couldn't talk to most of my friends openly about what I was going through. My loss was almost treated as a "taboo" topic or like a yucky disease they might catch! So, that's when I turned to this group. It's helped me out so very much and I hope you get the same great experience out of it that I did.

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iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:54 AM
2 moms liked this

 I don't think burying the baby in a pot is weird at all.  But I want to give you some "ideas" to consider to make this easier on you in the long run.  I planted a rose bush in a pot for my first loss, and the damn bush died 3 times!!!!  So I had to replant new bushes (that was hard in its self) but I couldn't imagine if I would have been disturbing the dirt around the baby.  Maybe you will feel different.  Maybe put the baby is a wooden box, and then maybe in a plastic dish too so if you ever have to replant or even just add fresh dirt you won't be faced with a box that might have started to fall apart (I feel like that would be tramatic for anyone).  Or maybe put the baby in a box and bury it at the bottom of a bigger pot and then put another pot inside the big pot with the plant in it so if you ever have to repot/replace the plant you will not have to touch the baby's box at all.  I know this all sounds kooky but I have given a lot of thought to accidently disturbing my baby's grave in the ground and just want to help you avoid problems years down the road.  But again, I think this is a wonderful idea, I don't think its weird at all.  And your family will never understand if they haven't been there.  And your grandma was a different generation, they didn't know all that we know about babies in utero, so they don't realize that babies are "real" from about 6 weeks on.  Also depending on your body, your baby might come out inside a blood clot (more like covered in blood) so not to scare you but be careful when you pass big clots.  Me personally, my 9 week baby came out in her sac and the sac was very clean/blood free like a little water balloon.  I had been bleeding for a few days and when I went to the doctor the baby had already passed through my cervix and the placenta was caught in the cervix keeping the baby from "falling out."  I don't want to scare you or worry you more, I just wish someone would have told me what to expect, what to look for, what is okay.  Hang in there honey.

smurfy88
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you it's nice to have a heads up, I've had enough shocks am surprises. That is a good idea to use a little box, I was thinking of planting a cactus since they are low maintenance and I'm a plant killer. A pretty cactus though, the kind with the flower on top.

Quoting iSMILEheCRIES:

 I don't think burying the baby in a pot is weird at all.  But I want to give you some "ideas" to consider to make this easier on you in the long run.  I planted a rose bush in a pot for my first loss, and the damn bush died 3 times!!!!  So I had to replant new bushes (that was hard in its self) but I couldn't imagine if I would have been disturbing the dirt around the baby.  Maybe you will feel different.  Maybe put the baby is a wooden box, and then maybe in a plastic dish too so if you ever have to replant or even just add fresh dirt you won't be faced with a box that might have started to fall apart (I feel like that would be tramatic for anyone).  Or maybe put the baby in a box and bury it at the bottom of a bigger pot and then put another pot inside the big pot with the plant in it so if you ever have to repot/replace the plant you will not have to touch the baby's box at all.  I know this all sounds kooky but I have given a lot of thought to accidently disturbing my baby's grave in the ground and just want to help you avoid problems years down the road.  But again, I think this is a wonderful idea, I don't think its weird at all.  And your family will never understand if they haven't been there.  And your grandma was a different generation, they didn't know all that we know about babies in utero, so they don't realize that babies are "real" from about 6 weeks on.  Also depending on your body, your baby might come out inside a blood clot (more like covered in blood) so not to scare you but be careful when you pass big clots.  Me personally, my 9 week baby came out in her sac and the sac was very clean/blood free like a little water balloon.  I had been bleeding for a few days and when I went to the doctor the baby had already passed through my cervix and the placenta was caught in the cervix keeping the baby from "falling out."  I don't want to scare you or worry you more, I just wish someone would have told me what to expect, what to look for, what is okay.  Hang in there honey.

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Ladybugmama86
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:18 AM

 I dont think it would be weird... I have heard the baby is extremely tiny.

I opted for the dnc. And no it didnt hurt, I bled a little bit for a few days and that was it. I only took 2 of the pain pills they gave me and it was only because I couldnt sleep.

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blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:14 PM

It would not be weird.  Just focus on what you and your DH want.  *hugs*

debbie303
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:33 PM

What ever u choose is the best. ppl should have no opinion on what and how u chose to bury ur baby. sorry for ur lose and lots of (((hugs))) for you

Mommy4Clara
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:36 PM

I think burying your baby in a pot would be a beautiful idea.  I never got to see my baby - I was 12 weeks when its heart stopped beating and I didn't have any signs of miscarriage, so I had to have a D&C, meaning the doc put me out and took the baby... I wish I had the option of keeping my baby's remains. I think you have a perfect idea.

<<<hugs>>>

Herlache
by Jessie on Jan. 2, 2013 at 4:39 PM
I just had a dnc on 12/27/12 I was 9 weeks 3 days.. they put me to sleep when I woke everything was over bleeding and cramps are normal I wish I had the opportunity to bury the baby myself was not offered and never thought everything went so quick do what ur heart says wishing you the best
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Laulaulu321
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 6:48 PM
I'm not sure what it will look like. I was very early with my mc and it was just gooey blood. But yeah I think if you mc on your own you should do something like the plant in a pot idea. I'm sorry you are going through this.
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smurfy88
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:09 PM
Thank you

Quoting Laulaulu321:

I'm not sure what it will look like. I was very early with my mc and it was just gooey blood. But yeah I think if you mc on your own you should do something like the plant in a pot idea. I'm sorry you are going through this.
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