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I am a 26 year old mother of 3 beautiful boys.

On December 10th I was told during my 37 week ultrasound that my 4th son didn't have a heart beat. I was taken to the hospital and gave birth to my son December 11th around 4 am. It has been only 3 weeks since I held my baby and said goodbye. I feel horrible. I try not to cry in front of my children because I don't want them to see me cry but every time I am alone or with my husband I start crying. And I know its too soon to heal but I need help. I feel like if I don't have someone to talk to besides my husband I am going to have a mental break down.

I feel like people don't understand. I AM SO TIRED OF HEARING.. "God knows what he does" "Goes does everything for a reason" "Hes in a better place" or the best one was "Hes Gods child not your and he took him back"!! HE WAS MY SON AND HE BELONGS WITH ME! AND IF THERE IS A GOD I THINK ITS A SICK JOKE TO HAVE ME SO EXCITED FOR MY BABY AND TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME AROUND THE TIME I SHOULD OF BEEN TAKING HIM HOME TO MEET HIS BROTHERS.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am lost. I do my daily things but I feel like I am on autodrive.
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:22 PM
Replies (11-15):
gina6239
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel with people saying things like that. My best friend told me she knows God wishes he could wrap his arms around me. It made me so mad. I feel like if there was a god, I would be pretty angry at him for taking my baby away. I was also mad because I am an Atheist, and she knows that. 

I think people just don't know what to say, but they wish so much that they can make you feel better. Of course, there is nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better, but try to appreciate the sentiment behind it, and then you can come here and vent to us about the words they said :) This is an amazing group and they/we are all very supportive. 

ttc1rainbow
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:41 AM
1 mom liked this

 I'm so sorry sweetie!! We all know too well how those "supportive words" truly sting, and can frustrate us even more. You came to the right place. You will find many supporters, we all know the pain you're going thru. We wont judge when you need to vent. I wish I had found this group sooner! However, finding it when I did helped me to be able to heal, and grieve my baby girls...Reaching out to everyone here and chatting with a few specific did wonders. Reach out! We're all here for you!

Jcothrine
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 6:21 AM

i'm sorry for your loss... i was never that far along with any that i lost but i still felt like God was playing a sick joke on me....giving me  a baby that i would instantly fall in love with only to take it away........


i had issues with God for many years...eventually going Buddhist from my Christian roots....... it was pretty much that or continue beating  a dead horse that was driving me insane...


and yes..i found no comfort in the whole idea of God's plans including my loss........ or that it had happened for a reason (like to comfort other women who had been through it..why does any woman have to go through it?)


i'm so sorry.....you might need grief counseling... i did.....


JC

mylilprincesses
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:17 AM

 ((HUGS)) to you! i very sorry for your loss.

i can completely understand what your going through.. thats all my husband would tell me was "God did it for a reason" of course i didn't want to hear that.. it just was not fair for him not be with me.







i created these group for moms who have lost a child.. and need support from other moms who understand. who else is better to rely on than a Angel Mom
Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/AngelMommySupport/
Cafemom: http://www.cafemom.com/group/109635/

debbie303
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:41 PM

Im so sorry for ur loss.

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