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never felt so hurt like it all was my falt

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:09 AM
  • 11 Replies

i miscarried for the first time this would make my second one. i kinda new it was going to happen i went to the e.r twice both times there was bleeding in my kidney.i would ask if i was still pregnant both times the er said yes but i knew something wasnt rite.but went on like everything was fine and made a o.b appointment where she couldnt see a baby she said she seen where it was supposed to be.i balled my eyes out.the ob didnt tell me what to expect but did give me a blood test saying this will tell me if you have a baby in thier or not.she didnt even tell me what kinda signs to look for.but she did tel me it was not my falt if i did miscarry.i get home wasnt here but an hour or a little more started having contractions never felt that kinda pain before.i called my best friend to come take me to the er where i had to get another sample of pee and what was in that cup made my world kinda shatter i cryed and kept saying what did i do why is it gone.i was only 9 weeks even though they say a short term really isnt anything to me that was someone he or she was my baby i wanted it so badly.i had someone when i went to go get my meds it was a family memeber she came up and said there wasnt any use of crying over it  the baby didnt even have a body for someone to say that is just cold.but what i really wanted to say to all the moms out thier that has been threw this im so very very sorry i wish thier was better words to say but thier isnt any to make the pain stop.some say i will get over it.but i really dont think you can i used to say to my friends im sorry time will heal things will get better.then it happend to me.she may have told me it wasnt my falt but i keep thinking i did something and wondering what i did.


i have edited this just to say thank you all for your kind words your prayers and thoughts threw this hard time i was not just writing about me i was also saying im so sorry for the mothers that have been their.even to the mothers that has ever lost a baby being born.i have wanted to go back to school just didnt know what for i think i do now.i wanna try going for a councillor for mothers that have lost a baby.im still giving it some thought.but i went to church tonight and a older lady pulled me to the side of course im still upset and she seen i was i wasnt going to say anything because it was kids night.she had told me that no matter what people say your still going to feel hurt and what im about to tell you will do the same.maybe god took your baby for reason he might have seen that somthing was wrong with it and didnt want him or her to suffer.well anyways i just wanted to tell all mom.s im so sorry and i wish thier was better words is all  and thank you again i feel some better

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommy4Clara
by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:48 AM

So sorry for your loss and for the painful words you faced.  People never know what to say to us and they think things like "it didn't have a body yet" is suppose to make us feel better. =(  Losing a baby is one of the most difficult things a woman has to go through.

Hugs to you!

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:26 AM

((hugs)) i'm so sorry for your loss hun.

jeniemarie
by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:04 AM
im so sorry for your loss. it was NOT your fault. these things happen and your body knew something was wrong. unfortantly you never "get over" loosing a child but i promise it will get a bit easier. im also sorry for the harsh words you had to hear. people who havent been where we have just cant not understand how it hurts. sending you prayers of comfort tonight. know we are always here if you need to talk we all understand
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awalter01
by Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:49 AM

Some people get what you are going through and some people don't.  You just have to surround yourself with the ones who do.  I've had two miscarriages now too and I keep thinking to myself what should I have done different.  Was there a test I didn't take, meds I did or did not take.  Better foods to eat, better whatever.  In all reality our body sometimes knows what babies we are meant to hold and which ones we are just supposed to cherish and love in just our hearts.  Your babies are still your babies.  They are still your lovies.  It's ok to be a complex person and have so many different feelings and thoughts at the same time.  Just know, you are a strong woman inside and truely you can do this.  You can feel sad and hurt all at the same time but fill yourself also with that much more love.  Let that guide you.  Love you girl.

jacksmom3707
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:04 AM

I'm very sorry for your loss and for the traumatic experience you went through and the harsh words you faced. Losing a baby no matter when it happens is the hardest thing on a woman and nobody knows anything about it unless they have been through it first hand. Hang in there and just know that you are not alone in the way that you feel and you will get through this.

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:10 AM
Aww hun, I am just so sorry for your loss :(. It was not your fault, nothing you did caused it, and more likely than not, there is nothing that could have been done to prevent it.

Whoever told you no use crying, or that it wasn't a baby.... They are just stupid to say that. Some of the most well meaning people can say the stupidest most hurtful things.

You are a grieving mother, you just lost a baby that you loved, and you have every right to cry all you want! Losing a baby hurts like nothing else and your baby is worth every year you shed (((( hugs))))
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Herlache
by Jessie on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:12 AM
Sorry for your loss. The women on here are great! We all have been there. Again sorry you went through it with someone who hasn't been there
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momofcrazypants
by Leslie on Jan. 9, 2013 at 9:52 AM

I'm so sorry. :(

gabeybaby07
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 11:03 AM

im so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. I am dealing with the same emotions. "if id have known i could have prevented it" I hope things get better. *hugs and kisses mami*

blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jan. 9, 2013 at 2:26 PM

*hugs*  I'm sorry for your loss.  Its true that not a lot of people know what to say or how to say it more sensitively until it happens to them.

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