Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I passed the baby....... now what?

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:11 AM
  • 14 Replies

I passed the baby. I could see head, spine, arm nubs, leg nubs, eye socket, nasal area lips. I couldn't bear to just flush my baby down the toilet. My loss was confirmed at 8 weeks 5 days. I emailed the only funeral home on the island that I could find and asked if they could do a cremation with remains that small. I asked if I added something person to the remains to be cremated with the baby would there possibly be enough ash then? I know some remains of a miscarriage this early cannot be done because of lack of bone. I read online a woman that said she had some special items cremated with the baby and that created enough ash to give them. Ideally I would like to have a cremation done and wear a necklace with the ashes in it so my baby can always be close to my heart. In the event I cannot find a home to cremate the remains I found a website that had miscarriage caskets as small as 'up to 11 weeks'. There were caskets for all trimesters. We won't bury our baby because we are military and will always move and I couldn't bear to leave my baby in Guam and never be able to visit a plot. But the casket comes with a serius of bottle, box inside a box all sealed and glued shut. I pray Heavenly Father finds an option for me to help me in the mourning process. I know my Angel is up in Heaven now and not alone. 

Please, tell me what you did with your Angels. If there are any ideas you have that I haven't thought of I would love to hear. Thank you for being so supportive to me during this time. 

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:11 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:20 AM

I am so sorry for your loss! *hugs and kisses* I just lost my baby at around 7 weeks. I pass it at home and brought it with me to the hospital. I unfortunately live in the city with no back yard, so burrial was out of the question. And being such a surprise as i did not know i was pregnant till i passed the baby out.. we are not in any financial position to think of a cremation. We allowed the hospital to take the baby (well fetus.. but it was a baby to me). Im so sorry you had to go through this. I know how hard it is. My prayers are with you.

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:29 AM
Aww hun, I am glad you finally passed the baby and can start the process of healing. I was so on the fence this time. We cremated Avery, who we lost in June, but he was 16 weeks. I did not allow any testing done on him. This time I didn't know what to do, I had researched cremation, considered burial beneath a plant in a pot or something (ismilehecries suggested putting baby in a box, casket, etc, then inside another container or what not in the bottom of a large pot in case you ever need to re plant or pot... I thought that was a great suggestion). But I decided to have pathology done this time, being that this was my second loss in 6 months, and knowing that I have this lung infection now. I am hoping for some answer, but expecting nothing conclusive. I know that the babies body is just an earthly shell, and his or her spirit is and has been in heaven safe, secure, and loved.

How are you feeling hun? I have been thinking about you ((( hugs)))
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:35 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

For the moment I would put the baby in a container and put him or her in the fridge or freezer to preserve them. You may need to take them to the hospital to get a certificate of death to allow for cremation, I am not sure how that works. I did not cremate my first three losses, but did my 4th. I had to have a certificate of death which I got at the hospital because after I had passed my daughter she was attached to the umbilical cord and the placenta would not come out and caused me to hemhorrage. I refused to leave the hospital without her and I took her home not knowing what to do next. I called the funeral home and the man there called the hospital and was so kind to go there and pick up the death certificate.

I am so sorry you're going through this. :(

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:39 AM

I lost Reese at 10 weeks, and we buried him/her in our backyard, under our favorite tree, and then we planted tulips in the tree bed. We are planning to get a river rock with his/her name on it.

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:55 AM

So sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. I had my loss at 9 weeks and had a D & C and did not inquire at the hospital about keeping the baby. So I'm not much help with that but I hope you get the answers you need and can move forward with the healing process.

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 9:49 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a D&C at 16w and it was sent off to pathology. I think your idea is beautiful, a necklace. (hugs)

by Desiree-admin on Jan. 9, 2013 at 2:29 PM

*hugs*  We cremated Isabelle.  I have heard of people cremating their baby with special blankets and/or stuffed animals.  Even buying two of the same stuffed animals, one to cremate with the baby and one to keep to remember your baby by.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:37 PM

I am sorry for your loss.  With my 9 week loss, the baby came out in her sac at the doctors.  I didn't know I could ask to take her home, so she was "medical waste"  :-(   With my second loss, it was 19 weeks and legally I was able to take her home and bury her on our land.  Since you will be moving a lot, I think cremation is your best bet.  If not I think a sealed casket, or a wooden box inside a sealed (glue the lid on) plastic dish would be ok to bury in a pot.  I have given this a lot of thought- I think I would buy a large pot and bury the baby in the bottom and put a slightly smaller pot in the first pot and put the plant in there- reason is you don't want to be faced with your baby's casket everytime you have to replant something.  Because you are military and overseas, make sure there are no restrictions about moving plants (you know sometimes they quarentin animals and I know my mom was not allowed to bring dried plants used as decoration back from Italy because they could carry diseases).  I just don't want you to ever have to leave your baby.  Hopefully the cremation works out- i think adding items in with the baby would be really sweet- maybe some flowers, an outfit, a stuffed animal, a family photo.  Hugs, and I am sorry you have to even do this... when will you hear back from the funeral home?

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:44 PM
I'm so sorry :-(

I delivered our daughter in the hospital at 16w and had to decide between tests or burying her...I chose test and found out nothing was wrong. I regret not burying her :-(
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:45 PM
With mine 9 weeks 3 days the hospital had a program that the local crematory sp sorry took all the miscarriages and cremated them and put a memorial for them... At the time it was that or the " garbage " according to the nurse if I knew what I know now back then I would have taken my baby home and buried him/her myself
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)