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Hurt, angry, confused, and sad, trying to stay positive :/

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:11 AM
  • 12 Replies

I have two children and a step child.  My husband and I have tried for over a year now to get pregnant.  When we finally spoke to the kids and asked if they wanted another baby in the house, they were excited.  My step child went to the biological mother and told her.  The biological became pregnant shortly after (she is crazy- and yes she did it on purpose...lying about her due date several times until she finally became pregnant).  She is not a good mother and is going through a battle (well she isn't putting up a fight...she just doesn't want to go to jail) to keep her children now, even the ones that do not belong to my husband.

I became pregnant in November, and lost our baby in early December.  I found out I was further along than what we thought.  I was sooo hurt.  Everyone around me is pregnant.  It hurts so bad and I do not feel that anyone really understands.  My husbands x found out and gave me a smug look and grin like ha, out did you.  I was floored.  REALLY.  Bringing a child into this world is not a competition. 

I am judged as a step mother who loves her step child.  I have made MANY sacrafices and treat all of our children the same.  I stay out of everything that is not  my business and am just me.  I handle everything by the book.   She copies everything I do, now this.  It is a little much.  I want to scream.  She is insensitive and hurtful.  (before anyone thinks this was a significant relationship of my x and I am just jealous ...cause trust me I've got that one before too...it wasnt, only the fact she had his daughter...they were together for two months when they were teenagers...she is really crazy-undergoing psych evaluation).

I have tons of stress...and now my husband and I realized just recently how long it has been that we have been trying to conceive.  It has been over a year now..  We were advised to see our doctor and have our fertility checked.  I am nervous and scared, and praying there is nothing wrong.  I can ignore his x, but I can't ignore this constant pain of the loss I feel.  I can't help but ask myself why.  I am a great mother.  The only thing that makes me feel better is to think that maybe there was a genetic defect and the baby, if had been born, would have had medical issues that God felt would be too much for the baby to bare.  Trying to stay positive and I do know that this too shall pass, but OMGoodness...this is a lot all at once!!!

 

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chicago1
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:05 AM
1 mom liked this
I know exactly how you feel. Two months after i lost my baby my sister got pregnant. Of course i was happy but there was also that feeling of unfairness, of why me. i still get those sometimes but i think im starting to learn to live with it. Like you the only thing that makes me feel better is thinking that my baby might have suffered and God decided that he shouldn't, i think its a lot better than blaming yourself (which i have done) because that only harms you more. Im so sorry you had to join the group, but its a great group with very loving ladies. Im also sorry you have to put up with such senseless people. I pray you stay strong. I pray you get the peace you and your family need. I pray for the best for you and yours. Stay strong and God bless *hugs*
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MommaBoop922
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:13 AM
1 mom liked this

Im so sorry for your loss and I dont think anyone here will think you are jealous or being mean.  We all understand and the topic of women having children but us losing ours is a big on here.  Im not sure why things happen the way that they do and there is nothing I can say that would make the hurt go away but I really hope you and your dh are able to get your bfp soon and have a healthy and happy pregnancy.  We are all here to support you and just try to take it one day at a time.  As for your husbands ex... the best thing you can do is try to ignore her.  Obviously she has her demons she needs to work out and is in no place to pass judgement or act like she is better than anyone.  You know the truth and that is all that matter.  The less attention you pay to her the better! ((HUGS))

awalter01
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:53 AM

Wow, sounds like a lot of stress indeed.  It sucks when people who are just selfish or don't seam to care are the ones that get pregnant so easy and have no issues.  Blah.  I will say, I know it's been awhile for you to try ttc but stress can be a factor.  Some people who reduce a little stress can really let your body focus more on getting pregnant and hormones and such instead of being in a state of haywire.  Try a walk here and there and see what can destress you.  Wouldn't hurt in any aspect.  Sucks what you are going through, you are not alone on that boat.  :( :( :(  I'll pray for you! Hugs

DaisyLee1
by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:37 PM
2 moms liked this

 You were right.  Once we decided to stop trying to have a baby, I was able to focus on healing from the miscarriage.  We decided to focus on one stressful thing at a time.  That was the most important at the moment, DH's custody battle for SD (she is in a horrible situation).  Also, DH bought me a little dog to help me through the loss of our baby.  The dog doesn't compare, but she came from a bad situation and needed the love I needed to give...and she gave me the comfort I needed.  Sounds crazy, but when the kids are in school and DH works 80 hours a week and you are alone in a house all day long...you tend to get depressed...there is only so much cleaning you can do...then you just sit and think about the loss.  After I healed, stopped focusing on having a baby that DH and I wanted so badly, and realized that BM of SD did a horrible thing for a horrible reason and believed she "won" because of the situation...I felt sorry for her and especially the children.  Not only is SD in a bad situation, but the other two children are as well...and that hurts my hear...no matter how much I dislike BM I could care less about her, but more about the harm she causes.  She didn't "win."  I also just don't care about BM or her reasons for anything.  She will never be me...which she so desperatly tries to be.  I am happy.

...and I am happy to say that after not trying, destressing, and focusing on my family and happiness... we finally have a successful pregnancy... due in November :) :) :)   So happy!!  I still have issues with losing my baby in December.  Not sure I will ever get over the loss.  But we are moving on very successfully and happily :)


 

Quoting awalter01:

Wow, sounds like a lot of stress indeed.  It sucks when people who are just selfish or don't seam to care are the ones that get pregnant so easy and have no issues.  Blah.  I will say, I know it's been awhile for you to try ttc but stress can be a factor.  Some people who reduce a little stress can really let your body focus more on getting pregnant and hormones and such instead of being in a state of haywire.  Try a walk here and there and see what can destress you.  Wouldn't hurt in any aspect.  Sucks what you are going through, you are not alone on that boat.  :( :( :(  I'll pray for you! Hugs


 

Mommy4Clara
by on May. 4, 2013 at 7:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry for all your hurt and frusterations.  I too have been having to have another child for over a year.  I had two children without any problems (ages 5 and 3), but I've had two losses in the last 6 months.  My last pregnancy was a molar, which is very rare and can be cancerous, so I have to wait a minimum of 6-12 months before ttc again.  Everyone I know seems to be pregnant, including those who cannot provide for their babies. It's very discouraging, but I stay optomistic. I beleieve I will have a baby again....

Angela4boys
by on May. 5, 2013 at 7:28 AM
2 moms liked this

Aww, I'm sorry Hun, I'm sorry for your loss, and for such a long try at trying to get your rainbow baby.  I think every single one of us feel like the entire world is pregnant except us...I know it's a common topic of conversation in this group.  I'd try to ignore the X, who the heck cares about her.  This isn't about her...I feel sorry for her baby(s).  She can't out do you, she's a hot mess!  (((hugs)))

mommyofnoah208
by on May. 5, 2013 at 10:42 AM
1 mom liked this
I am so sorry. Thinking of you
patriotgirl
by on May. 6, 2013 at 10:40 AM
So sorry for all the pain and stress in your life and for your loss I to have had mcs its very hard I still think about mine and cry I would not give a thought to that women she is just jealous you have what she wants! You are the bigger person chin up and smile next time you see her that will get her goat!!! Lol! Did I read that you are pregnant again?!? CONGRATS! WELL WOW!!!
Cal2006
by on May. 6, 2013 at 11:13 AM

 I have gone to a fertlity doctor, it was the best decision that I've made during our trying to conceive journey. He helped me to try and determine the cause of my losses as well. He gave me increased confidence...and it worked I got pregnant twice through him. (I lost both, but don't take my experience as the rule. I do believe that I'm the exception). 

As far as your daughters biological mother is concerned...don't let her affect you. Having a child isn't a competition, being a good mother isnt' one either. Just keep on being you and feel flattered that she wants to immulate you so much.  ((hugs))

Sorry sweetie.

Jules_
by on May. 6, 2013 at 9:53 PM

I am so sorry sweetie.  It can be so hurtful when people do that.  Just 5 days after I lost my baby a cousin who doesn't like me announced she was expecting.  She could have waited but she didn't. It was like her ha ha moment to me.  

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