A movie just tore me to pieces.
That is all it was, a minute and maybe 30 second scene that just completely hurt me. I had my first miscarriage almost a year and a half ago, and my second will be a year in March. Neither were planned, and I am 18 now and was well very stupid at the time. Although I was smart enough to know I did not want babies right now, but we did not properly protect ourselves. Anyways, I was watching the movie "What to Expect When Your Expecting", and there is a miscarriage scene by my favorite actress. Within moments I was heart broken and was sobbing. I've seen the movie before and I teared up then, but it is like I was finally dealing with everything and getting back on track then BAM! For MONTHS after my miscarriages I did not want sex at all. I love my boyfriend (we have been together for over a year and a half), and I feel absolutely horrible. I cannot feel that connection because I am too afraid that I will get pregnant again and lose it. I do not want a baby until I am done with all of my college and medical schooling, but I do not want to ever experience this again. He understands, it does get tough but he is always there to say that it is okay. I am now 100% educated on everything birthcontrol and such, but my second pregnancy was because the condom broke. Now it is just difficult.
Anyways, things started getting better a month or so ago and I have been really happy ever since. Enjoying what is left of my "teenage" years. Trying to focus on college and all of the wonderful things in life that lie ahead, but this one scene out of a MOVIE, just ripped me apart. I felt like it happened yesterday, and I feel guilty. Guilty for putting myself in that position, guilty as if it is my fault I lost them, and guilty as I am complaining now to you wonderful ladies who a lot of you have this situation far worse than I do. I cannot talk to people my age, because they do not understand. They try, but they cannot. This is why I am here, because at times like this, I just need someone to tell me everything is fine and what happened happened. This scene just wow. Made me realize how harsh life can be. If I cannot watch a simple scene from a movie, how am I going to do what I want to do as a career? I want to be a neonatologist; I want to save new lives that should not be taken so soon. I never want to tell a parent they lost their child, but I do want to save young lives.
Thank you for hearing me rant, I am just unbelievably confused right now and emotional.
I am so sorry for your losses :( I just want you to know that these losses were not your fault. There is no way you could have forseen or most likely prevented either of the losses from happening. It's something that is so hard for many of us, we feel like "if only" we could have done, or should have done...but rationally, this is one we have to surrender control to God and nature.
It's ok to greive, it's ok! Planned or unplanned those babies are a peice of you, they are a peice of your BF, and you love them from the moment you know. Let the tears flow, your babies are worthy of every tear that you shed.
Good luck Hun, with your schooling! You and BF just keep on loving each other, and keep communicating. (((hugs)))
Warning: this might make you laugh! We lost our baby in November, so it's still pretty fresh considering. Last night, my husband was watching old episodes of Swamp Loggers on Netflix. Yes, Swamp Loggers. So there's a scene in one of the episodes where this guy has to take off work early to go meet his wife at the OB because she's pregnant with their third child and was having an ultrasound that day. They showed all of it, the baby on the 2D and 3D ultrasound, all the family in there looking at the baby, I just lost it.Thank you Swamp Loggers.
You are going through one of the hardest things a woman can experience in her life and I am so heartbroken that you had to experience it. It's great that you have goals in place for you and that you are making plans for you life. Keeping busy and thinking positive has helped me through this and I think it will help you too. You are not alone in your feelings, no matter what age we are when we lose babies it's hard to talk to other people who haven't been through a similar experience.
Im sorry :( I had a tought time with that movie too... Just take it one day at a time and focus on your goals!! It will get better ((HUGS)) And there are a lot of emotions you have to deal with and your grief and feelings are normal. We are all here to support you when you need it and good luck with your schooling! :)
I am so sorry for your losses.
Quoting wannabpregnant:
mine was in October. i know the pain. =( I'm sorry
Quoting Angela4boys:I am so sorry for your losses :( I just want you to know that these losses were not your fault. There is no way you could have forseen or most likely prevented either of the losses from happening. It's something that is so hard for many of us, we feel like "if only" we could have done, or should have done...but rationally, this is one we have to surrender control to God and nature.
It's ok to greive, it's ok! Planned or unplanned those babies are a peice of you, they are a peice of your BF, and you love them from the moment you know. Let the tears flow, your babies are worthy of every tear that you shed.
Good luck Hun, with your schooling! You and BF just keep on loving each other, and keep communicating. (((hugs)))
Almost 3 years later
- 02lostloves
on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:55 AM