A movie just tore me to pieces.

[02lostloves]

That is all it was, a minute and maybe 30 second scene that just completely hurt me. I had my first miscarriage almost a year and a half ago, and my second will be a year in March. Neither were planned, and I am 18 now and was well very stupid at the time. Although I was smart enough to know I did not want babies right now, but we did not properly protect ourselves. Anyways, I was watching the movie "What to Expect When Your Expecting", and there is a miscarriage scene by my favorite actress. Within moments I was heart broken and was sobbing. I've seen the movie before and I teared up then, but it is like I was finally dealing with everything and getting back on track then BAM! For MONTHS after my miscarriages I did not want sex at all. I love my boyfriend (we have been together for over a year and a half), and I feel absolutely horrible. I cannot feel that connection because I am too afraid that I will get pregnant again and lose it. I do not want a baby until I am done with all of my college and medical schooling, but I do not want to ever experience this again. He understands, it does get tough but he is always there to say that it is okay. I am now 100% educated on everything birthcontrol and such, but my second pregnancy was because the condom broke. Now it is just difficult.

Anyways, things started getting better a month or so ago and I have been really happy ever since. Enjoying what is left of my "teenage" years. Trying to focus on college and all of the wonderful things in life that lie ahead, but this one scene out of a MOVIE, just ripped me apart. I felt like it happened yesterday, and I feel guilty. Guilty for putting myself in that position, guilty as if it is my fault I lost them, and guilty as I am complaining now to you wonderful ladies who a lot of you have this situation far worse than I do. I cannot talk to people my age, because they do not understand. They try, but they cannot. This is why I am here, because at times like this, I just need someone to tell me everything is fine and what happened happened. This scene just wow. Made me realize how harsh life can be. If I cannot watch a simple scene from a movie, how am I going to do what I want to do as a career? I want to be a neonatologist; I want to save new lives that should not be taken so soon. I never want to tell a parent they lost their child, but I do want to save young lives.

Thank you for hearing me rant, I am just unbelievably confused right now and emotional.

[02lostloves]

Yeah that is recent, Mean it took me a little over a year to finally be somewhat okay. Everyone is different though. Yours was recent, and I know how you feel. I wish you luck mama.

Quoting gingerprincess:

Its been 5 & a half months. Its gotten a little easier, but its still there, like a wound that's just scabbed over.

Quoting 02lostloves:

I am sorry about that. I hope things are getting better for you. ((hugs))

Quoting gingerprincess:

I broke down over that scene too. When I read the title of your post I pictured that scene.

[AmandaN1]

I made the same mistake. Had no clue that was in the movie. I watched it like 3 days after my loss. :( So sorry for your losses.
Its not your fault, don't feel bad. I hope that when you are ready you have beautiful children for your angels to keep watch over.

[02lostloves]

I am so sorry that happened so soon after your loss. I can only imagine how hard that was. I plan on having happy healthy children in the future, just after I am stable. It does give quite a lesson, and really made me think that I do have this second chance. Best wishes mama and thank you. ((hugs))

Quoting AmandaN1:

I made the same mistake. Had no clue that was in the movie. I watched it like 3 days after my loss. :( So sorry for your losses.

Its not your fault, don't feel bad. I hope that when you are ready you have beautiful children for your angels to keep watch over.

[audreesmama]

This always gets me too. I can't handle it. I find it hard to be happy for others, and part of me wants to try to prepare them for the possibility of loss. I know how crappy that would make me so I don't do it, but I always want to.

Quoting lunarmamma:

I watched Marley and me right after my first miscarriage and the scene where they go for the ultrasound and are told there's no heartbeat... I had to get up and leave the room.

I am so sorry for your losses.