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My Story of Heartbreak and Hope (preg mentioned)

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 Hello, ladies.  I am new to the group, though my loss was a long time ago.  I will admit that I have lurked around this group for a very long time without joining.  You ladies are so strong!  I wanted to share my story of loss and the blessings that I have recieved since.

I was super excited to find out in 2002 that I was pregnant. I even scheduled my US for my birthday. I should have been 12w based on when I got my bfp. Instead, I had a 7w fetus with no heartbeat. It broke my heart. It was made all the worse by a dr who told me that it was a miracle that I conceived, it would probably never happen again, and even if I did conceive, I'd never carry to term. It blew my world apart.

So, you can imagine my shock when in 2004 (2.5y after my mc) when I started feeling those weird symptoms. Nausea, exhaustion, etc. I figured why even bother to take a test. I've already been told how this will end. So, I continued to deny the possiblity and wait. I couldn't believe that God could be so cruel as to let me go through this again. Then, it got to the point I could feel the baby moving. Still, I made excuses, gas, etc. I started having really bad pains in my stomach and back on 12/25/04. DH (who always swore I was pregnant, lol) insisted I go to the hospital. Which eventually I did. I was put on a monitor, given an US, and saw my baby girl for the first time. I was told she looked perfect but that I was not in fact in labor. I was told to go have a pregnancy test done the next day and get a dr because my EDD was 12/29. I went to have the test done, and still expected it to be negative! I just couldn't wrap my heart or my mind around what was happening.  S

ix days after my test, and one week after seeing the US, my daughter was born on 1/1/05.  She was perfect and beautiful in every way.  I was amazed.  I knew she was the miracle I had always prayed for.  I spoiled her rotten, knowing she would be the only one I ever had.

Well, God definately had other plans for us.  When DD1 was just 9m old, I got pregnant again.  This time, I tested after only 5m.  In August 2006, DD2 was born, just as perfect as her sister.  She was followed in Dec 2007 by DD3, then DS1 in August 2009, DD4 in June 2011, and we are currently expecting DS2 in March 2013.  I worry the whole way through each and every pregnancy that something will go wrong.  I never take for granted the miracle that each and every one of my children are.  And, though I have my arms and heart full, I never forget that first baby that  I only ever got to hold in my heart.  I often find myself wondering what he or she would be like today.

I know this was long, and I thank anyone who took the time to ready it all.  I guess what I really wanted to share with those who are still waiting on their rainbow baby, never give up hope!  The road can be long and others may be discouraging, but that doesn't mean that there is not a rainbow at the end!

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by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:07 AM
Replies (11-13):
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:36 PM

Your story gives me hope for my DH and I.. Ttc since our second lost but nothing yet.

by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 1:13 PM


Quoting Caligirl586:

Your story gives me hope for my DH and I.. Ttc since our second lost but nothing yet.

That's why I shared my experience.  I know sometimes the road can be long and seem so dark.  But there is light!

by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:03 PM

 So sorry for your loss but that is amazing! Thank you for sharing!

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