its been three years since my miscarriage and even though i still struggle with the pain i want to have a baby so bad. having kids has really always been important to me, some women get excited about planning their wedding and what not ive always been the type to get excited on planning a family. after i lost my baby i didnt want to sleep with my then boyfriend in fear that i would go through that again, but now and for a while really ive been wanting to try for another one. im also so scared that i might be infertile. for some reason that has always been my fear. part of it i guess is cause the whole time i was with my ex we never used protection. in two years the only time i got pregnant i lost my baby. maybe its just me over reacting cause then i again i was pretty young maybe my body wasnt prepared for that, buuut then again there are 14 year old mothers. i dont know i just know that infertility is a huuuuge fear of mine. another thing is that i am not in a relationship, but i want a baby! lol i know that im not in the best place to be wanting a baby because im the only one in my family working so money wise i am struggling so i am aware that a baby right now wouldnt be "smart". today my coworker asked me how i would feel if i had a baby, it kinda felt like someone dropped me because i was so close to that. i dont want a baby to replace the one i lost, my Angel will always be my first baby, but like many mothers i want more than one child. i feel like having a baby will make me feel complete. first i have to find me a man! lol sorry if this was kinda all over the place just needed to vent!