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miscarriage @ 16

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:19 AM
  • 9 Replies

Hello All...


When I was 16 I became pregnant and eventually ended up miscarrying. I call it my blessing in diguise because I was not ready for a baby back then. When I got pregnant I didn't tell my parents right away because I was terrified. I went to the doctor first and then they confirmed my pregnancy but didn't tell me how far along I was. I had told my Dad and he had told me that I needed to tell my Mom. So I got up the courage to tell my Mom. She was angry, hurt, and sad. About 2 weeks later I started to bleed at about 7 pm. At around 2:30 am I woke up and when I stood up I felt like there was a suction like feeling coming out of my vagina onto my pad. When I went into the bathroom and pulled down my pants i'm assuming the "sac" fell onto the ground. It moved around like jello and I didn't know what to do. I picked it up and put it in the toilet and flushed it. Up until recently my miscarriage didn't really have an affect on me. That guy and I broke up soon after...I am now 24 and I am now married and have a daughter. I find myself thinking about my miscarriage a lot. I have no idea how far along I was...I wish I would of looked at what had fallen on the ground...and I can't talk about it with my hubby because he just doesn't "get it" im afraid he might get offended it I bring it up. i just dont know why it bothers me so much..I guess its the fact that I never got closure...and I dont even know how to get closure.


by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:19 AM
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Replies (1-9):
cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:54 AM

((hugs)) I am sorry for your loss hun.  I don't think anyone who hasn't been through a loss can truly understand how heartbreaking it can be.  This group is amazing and I hope you are able to find the support that you need here.

Angela4boys
by Angela on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:57 AM

I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))  I'm not sure if it would help you or not, but could you contact the Dr. that you went to at the time and see if you can get copies of your medical records.  They are not required after 8 years to keep them at the office anymore, but they do have to store them.  They may very well be there though.  Your records may give you some insite into how far along you were...if it's something that you really feel the need to know.  If it isn't there, it's not, but at least you tried. 

You know your husband best, but it's very likely he won't "get it." Men tend to handle loss very differently than we do.  Men like to fix stuff, they don't want us upset, and clearly there is nothing that they can fix in this situation, it's out of their control.  They also will never understand the connection a Mom has with their baby in the womb.  Sometimes it comes across to us as uncaring...but I think it's more that they just cant wrap their brains around it.

It's totally normal and natural for you to be bothered by the loss of your baby...it was a part of you, it is your baby.  Some things that may help you is to name your baby.  Even if you don't know the gender, you can go with your Mommy instinct, or a gender neutral name.  You can plant a plant, flowers, tree, etc in memorial of your baby.  You can buy some sort of memorial jewelry to wear, order a hat from Calvins Hats (they are free) and/or a block from Maura Lynns blocks (also free).  You can write letters to your baby, or keep a journal, light a candle on special days or whenever you want to. You can create a special box to keep all these little things in.  You can do all these things and your husband never has to know.  He may know you've planted something, but he doesn't know why...but you do.  Honoring your Angels life will give you some peace and help with closure. The thing is, if it's important to you, that's all that matters, it's important.  Maybe over time, you'll slowly feel more comfortable talking about your Angel. 

I just want you to know that your loss was in no way your fault, you did nothing to cause it to happen, and it's very likely there is nothing that could have been done to prevent it from happening.  I'm not sure if anyone told you that, but you should know.  I'm really glad you have found this group.  You have been through a lot at a very tender age Hun, and I'm sure you didn't get a lot of validation with your feelings, because you were young.  You can feel free to talk about anything you want to here, and there will be no judgment at all, this is a very caring and comforting group. 

Herlache
by Jessie on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:43 AM
I'm sorry for your loss and that you had no one to talk to. You found an awesome group of ladies that get what you went through and will help and support you ((hugs))
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ashtie
by Ashten on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:06 AM
Its tough, i to had my first mc at 16 my second was just after dda first bday so i was 22 It sucks and is hard, unfortunately it never completely goes away
chicago1
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this

so sorry for your loss sweetie. i had my miscarriage at 17 and for a long time i kind of represed it. it wasnt untill maybe two years ago that it started eating at me because no one knew about it. and it wasnt untill the 22nd of last month that i decided i wouldnt hold it in anymore. at first i felt like it was too late for anyone to even care but let me tell you its never late and you came to the right group. i dont know where i would be without these ladies. this is a great place of comfort and understanding. dont be afraid to vent anything you feel no one here judges. what i did to cope with the loss is i named my baby. i miscarried too early to tell the sex of the baby but Angela4boys suggested that i go with my mommy instincts and thats what i did, i named my baby Athan. it has helped immensely. there is also subtle jewelry you can get. i hope you find this group helpful sweetie. hugs and prayers

humblemommy
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this


Your response made me feel a lot better. You said all the things that should have been said back then... When I was pregnant I just had a feeling the baby was a girl and I knew I was going to name her Jordan...so that name has always stuck with me. I just went and ordered her a block. When the weather gets better I am going to also plant something in memory of her.


Thank you for the kind words! I am glad I am in this group :)

Quoting Angela4boys:

I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))  I'm not sure if it would help you or not, but could you contact the Dr. that you went to at the time and see if you can get copies of your medical records.  They are not required after 8 years to keep them at the office anymore, but they do have to store them.  They may very well be there though.  Your records may give you some insite into how far along you were...if it's something that you really feel the need to know.  If it isn't there, it's not, but at least you tried. 

You know your husband best, but it's very likely he won't "get it." Men tend to handle loss very differently than we do.  Men like to fix stuff, they don't want us upset, and clearly there is nothing that they can fix in this situation, it's out of their control.  They also will never understand the connection a Mom has with their baby in the womb.  Sometimes it comes across to us as uncaring...but I think it's more that they just cant wrap their brains around it.

It's totally normal and natural for you to be bothered by the loss of your baby...it was a part of you, it is your baby.  Some things that may help you is to name your baby.  Even if you don't know the gender, you can go with your Mommy instinct, or a gender neutral name.  You can plant a plant, flowers, tree, etc in memorial of your baby.  You can buy some sort of memorial jewelry to wear, order a hat from Calvins Hats (they are free) and/or a block from Maura Lynns blocks (also free).  You can write letters to your baby, or keep a journal, light a candle on special days or whenever you want to. You can create a special box to keep all these little things in.  You can do all these things and your husband never has to know.  He may know you've planted something, but he doesn't know why...but you do.  Honoring your Angels life will give you some peace and help with closure. The thing is, if it's important to you, that's all that matters, it's important.  Maybe over time, you'll slowly feel more comfortable talking about your Angel. 

I just want you to know that your loss was in no way your fault, you did nothing to cause it to happen, and it's very likely there is nothing that could have been done to prevent it from happening.  I'm not sure if anyone told you that, but you should know.  I'm really glad you have found this group.  You have been through a lot at a very tender age Hun, and I'm sure you didn't get a lot of validation with your feelings, because you were young.  You can feel free to talk about anything you want to here, and there will be no judgment at all, this is a very caring and comforting group. 



AngelBay07
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:17 PM

 

I ordered my baby a block too. I just got her name on it with a saying from my fave childerns book on it and then a mini block with the year of her loss. I bought them from a place called baby boards, she does it in memory of her loss.  Its been such a comfort to see her name out in our home. I pray you find peace too.

Quoting humblemommy:

 

 

Your response made me feel a lot better. You said all the things that should have been said back then... When I was pregnant I just had a feeling the baby was a girl and I knew I was going to name her Jordan...so that name has always stuck with me. I just went and ordered her a block. When the weather gets better I am going to also plant something in memory of her.

 

Thank you for the kind words! I am glad I am in this group :)

Quoting Angela4boys:

I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))  I'm not sure if it would help you or not, but could you contact the Dr. that you went to at the time and see if you can get copies of your medical records.  They are not required after 8 years to keep them at the office anymore, but they do have to store them.  They may very well be there though.  Your records may give you some insite into how far along you were...if it's something that you really feel the need to know.  If it isn't there, it's not, but at least you tried. 

You know your husband best, but it's very likely he won't "get it." Men tend to handle loss very differently than we do.  Men like to fix stuff, they don't want us upset, and clearly there is nothing that they can fix in this situation, it's out of their control.  They also will never understand the connection a Mom has with their baby in the womb.  Sometimes it comes across to us as uncaring...but I think it's more that they just cant wrap their brains around it.

It's totally normal and natural for you to be bothered by the loss of your baby...it was a part of you, it is your baby.  Some things that may help you is to name your baby.  Even if you don't know the gender, you can go with your Mommy instinct, or a gender neutral name.  You can plant a plant, flowers, tree, etc in memorial of your baby.  You can buy some sort of memorial jewelry to wear, order a hat from Calvins Hats (they are free) and/or a block from Maura Lynns blocks (also free).  You can write letters to your baby, or keep a journal, light a candle on special days or whenever you want to. You can create a special box to keep all these little things in.  You can do all these things and your husband never has to know.  He may know you've planted something, but he doesn't know why...but you do.  Honoring your Angels life will give you some peace and help with closure. The thing is, if it's important to you, that's all that matters, it's important.  Maybe over time, you'll slowly feel more comfortable talking about your Angel. 

I just want you to know that your loss was in no way your fault, you did nothing to cause it to happen, and it's very likely there is nothing that could have been done to prevent it from happening.  I'm not sure if anyone told you that, but you should know.  I'm really glad you have found this group.  You have been through a lot at a very tender age Hun, and I'm sure you didn't get a lot of validation with your feelings, because you were young.  You can feel free to talk about anything you want to here, and there will be no judgment at all, this is a very caring and comforting group. 

 

 


 

Angela4boys
by Angela on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:46 PM
Very good Hun! Jordan is a beautiful name, thanks for sharing that with us. I am sure her block will turn out beautiful! I am really glad you are here, and have gotten the validation you needed to honor your feelings, and the life if your Angel Baby, Jordan.

Quoting humblemommy:


Your response made me feel a lot better. You said all the things that should have been said back then... When I was pregnant I just had a feeling the baby was a girl and I knew I was going to name her Jordan...so that name has always stuck with me. I just went and ordered her a block. When the weather gets better I am going to also plant something in memory of her.


Thank you for the kind words! I am glad I am in this group :)


Quoting Angela4boys:

I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))  I'm not sure if it would help you or not, but could you contact the Dr. that you went to at the time and see if you can get copies of your medical records.  They are not required after 8 years to keep them at the office anymore, but they do have to store them.  They may very well be there though.  Your records may give you some insite into how far along you were...if it's something that you really feel the need to know.  If it isn't there, it's not, but at least you tried. 

You know your husband best, but it's very likely he won't "get it." Men tend to handle loss very differently than we do.  Men like to fix stuff, they don't want us upset, and clearly there is nothing that they can fix in this situation, it's out of their control.  They also will never understand the connection a Mom has with their baby in the womb.  Sometimes it comes across to us as uncaring...but I think it's more that they just cant wrap their brains around it.

It's totally normal and natural for you to be bothered by the loss of your baby...it was a part of you, it is your baby.  Some things that may help you is to name your baby.  Even if you don't know the gender, you can go with your Mommy instinct, or a gender neutral name.  You can plant a plant, flowers, tree, etc in memorial of your baby.  You can buy some sort of memorial jewelry to wear, order a hat from Calvins Hats (they are free) and/or a block from Maura Lynns blocks (also free).  You can write letters to your baby, or keep a journal, light a candle on special days or whenever you want to. You can create a special box to keep all these little things in.  You can do all these things and your husband never has to know.  He may know you've planted something, but he doesn't know why...but you do.  Honoring your Angels life will give you some peace and help with closure. The thing is, if it's important to you, that's all that matters, it's important.  Maybe over time, you'll slowly feel more comfortable talking about your Angel. 

I just want you to know that your loss was in no way your fault, you did nothing to cause it to happen, and it's very likely there is nothing that could have been done to prevent it from happening.  I'm not sure if anyone told you that, but you should know.  I'm
really glad you have found this group.  You have been through a lot at a
very tender age Hun, and I'm sure you didn't get a lot of validation
with your feelings, because you were young.  You can feel free to talk
about anything you want to here, and there will be no judgment at all,
this is a very caring and comforting group. 




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Ladybugmama86
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:24 PM

 I am so sorry sweetie!

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