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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Really touchy subject (Abortion)

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:01 AM
  • 22 Replies

 A friend of mine just told me yesterday that she had an abortion before Christmas( I lost the babt in January). I know this is tearing her up, she has been avoiding me, and she regrets what she has done. I want to be there for her, to help comfort her, and to not judge her, but I am having a really hard time.I know she has been coming to church, and talking with our Pastor, which is part of the reason she told me. I know in my heart that I need to show her love, and let her know that no matter what she may think, God has not left her. However, I am not God and I am really struggling with not being angry right now.

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Namaste09
by Samantha on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:13 AM
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I have found the last couple weeks since this happening that the thought of abortion makes me so mad. It doesn't help I had a couple people try an compare what they went through with there abortion to my miscarriage. Totally different things they choose to do it to there babies we didn't get a choice.
I'm not anti-abortion but it is nothing like a miscarriage.
I would just worry about yourself right now you need to concentrate on you.
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yperez0209
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:46 AM

All you can do is pray for her. And ask God to give you a heart full of understanding and love. Abortion leaves many scars and it's not just a violence done to the unborn but the mother as well. She is suffering a death just like you are. Yes she choose to do it but she regrets it and that guilt is something additional that she is carrying. I want to write more but I always manage to offend half the world when I respond to an abortion post. Hope what I did write is able to help.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Cal2006
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:46 AM
1 mom liked this

 I agree with Namaste, tell your friend that you are a praying for her, but that you are still grieving your loss right now and that you don't have the bandwidth to be there for her the way she (or you) need right now.  I believe in a woman's right to chose, but I also know that as women that have just recently lost babies...that we didn't chose to lose...it would be hard for anyone to be around someone that willing lost theirs. God gives us strength, and he won't put anything in our path that is more than we can handle...but that doesn't mean she is in your path. I would continue to pray for her, but you don't need to be her counselor.  I think we all have our spiritual journeys and she has hers, and you have yours. When you are stronger you might be able to support each other. We are all here for you. :)

mommyofnoah208
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:19 AM
I am sorry. That would be a really hard one for me to comfort someone about.
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Herlache
by Jessie on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:49 AM
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I totally agree!!! Just think of yourself right now. If I write more I would offend alot of people!

Quoting mommyofnoah208:

I am sorry. That would be a really hard one for me to comfort someone about.
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Turtledoves
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:09 AM
3 moms liked this
I also cant stand to talk about abortion since my miscarriage. It angers me so much. I wouldnt be able to be there for her. Im sure she can find someone else to lean on than someone who just lost her baby. Personally I wouldnt be able to even look at her and know what she threw away so I'd make it worse.
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mrsb2005
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:05 AM

I am totally with you!!!!

Quoting RheaF:

 A friend of mine just told me yesterday that she had an abortion before Christmas( I lost the babt in January). I know this is tearing her up, she has been avoiding me, and she regrets what she has done. I want to be there for her, to help comfort her, and to not judge her, but I am having a really hard time.I know she has been coming to church, and talking with our Pastor, which is part of the reason she told me. I know in my heart that I need to show her love, and let her know that no matter what she may think, God has not left her. However, I am not God and I am really struggling with not being angry right now.


~~
Mother of 3: 20, 3, & 7

"Every person faces difficulties throughout their life. Despite our circumstances, and with God's help, we can choose to be better instead of being bitter."
Tawnmarie
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:50 AM
You have a right to be angry because your suffering and know you would give anything to have your baby back, your showing how big your heart is just by being concerned for her even though she chose her choice. BEcause of how strong woman's emotions can be in this situation I would tell her you care for her but for your own well being and your guys friendship you can only be there minimally for her because if your hurt and say something you regret it may hurt her and vise versa I think knowing not to put each other in a situation that could be bad is great friendship is she not getting enough help from the pastor is that why you feel you have to be there for her?
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Angela4boys
by Angela on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:23 PM
3 moms liked this
Just pray for her and with her. I am totally pro-life, abortion makes me angry...but, in no way am I qualified to judge anyone. God is the only one she has to answer to, and Gods word says she is forgiven for sins of past present and future...and thank God, ours our too. We are ALL born sinners and all of Gods love is right there for us, all we need to do is reach out and take it.

Understand that she will bear the burden of decision for a life time. It's a burden I would not want to bear. God grieves that loss with her. He gave her a gift, his heritage, his word tells us that is his greatest gift to us, a child...and yet God loves her no less for what she did. If he loves her, who are we not to.

You may not be strong enough right now to support her, and that is ok. It's ok, you need time to heal. But, just be mindful of Gods words. (((Hugs)))
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iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:47 PM

 I think your best bet is when she brings it up, just tell her you have been praying for peace for her.  And then try to change the subject.  I am personally pro-life but I can imagine that (good) people who chose to have an abortion must feel guilt and be wishy washy wishing they could take it back- I think they go through many of the emotions that a miscarriage survivor does- but sadly the 2 can't comfort each other because the mc mom only sees the choice not the same emotions.  I think the friendship can be saved by keeping it short and sweet- telling her that you will pray, that's all you can do!

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