So I wrote a poem for my children, I hope one day to see them again..
I close my eyes, not wanting to be there.
Always consumed by pain an fear.
From the age of ten, Pain lingered on my skin.
That's when it began, my life altered by sin.
He laid hands on me, and the abuse began.
All innocent thoughts scattered, and far away ran.
It happened again... And again.
Each time, I felt more pain.
Tears ran down my face...
Footsteps echo, my heart begins to race.
My heart breaking more each time
My arms, now marked with crimson lines.
A few years have gone by...
Now more than ever, I wanted to die.
My body bruised and battered,
My mind telling me "I don't matter."
I look in the mirror, and all I see.
How can any one, be as broken as me?
Split in two... One side dying,
The other side crying.
I ask the reflection " why do I feel this pain."
Turning away I whisper " what do I have to gain."
Numb, filled with pain and misery,
The sight of my reflection is killing me.
If you listen carefully,
You'll hear my heart breaking.
If you look carefully,
You'll see my smile fading.
If you hug me...
You'll feel my tears against your chest.
If you know me....
You'll know I'm slowly dying.
My heart is hanging by a thread,
Wishing, I were already dead.
I feel like I do nothing right.
I long to be held tight...
Darkness falls over the room,
I silently await my doom.
Frosty winds, cool my burning face,
As your fingers, my body trace.
I feel myself, crashing to the ground.
I feel myself, fading without a sound.
Little did I know, what lived in me.
I would have tried harder, to break free.
A child... A baby, my daughter or son.
If I knew, I would have run.
I am unpure, and labelled unholy.
Of your love, my child, I was unworthy.
Seeing you go, was the hardest part.
The feeling of my heart, savagely, being torn apart.
These tears, that no longer fall.
Your name, my child, the lord had to call.
It's you, whom he had to take home.
And now, I roam this world, completely alone.
Empty, shattered, broken, unknown.
Rejoice in God, they always say.
But everyday, I find it harder to obey.
Without my child, I have no life.
These sharp, stabbing pains, that could only be a knife.
Satan stole my soul, Jesus make me whole.
I want this pain to leave, now.
To you lord, im willing to bow.
Either that or end my life today.
Anything to take this pain away
So March 22nd is coming up... I will be at school that day but i really want to do something for my child, I was thinking A cake and candle? or is that just silly? I don't know how to handle this... I just.. I'm really battling
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds
Have a great day and be blessed.
on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:26 AM