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Hi and I need some advice

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:05 PM
  • 7 Replies

My name is Jess  I am new to this group and I have been married to my wonderfully devoted husband Matt, for almost a year and a half. During that time, I have had two miscarriages both of them were between the 6-9 week mark.  My husband although being supportive does not understand why my heart is still aching for our babies ( Loss 1 9/28/2011 and Loss 2 1/08/2013). We want to have children desperately, but I am so scared that if I would get pg again that I would loose that one as well. With that said, I have some medical conditions which make it difficult to get pregnant which make the losses even more devestating. Being pregnant requires many sacrifies medically on my part, but I am willing to go thru anything to have a child except go thru another miscarriage.

Have any of you ever been in this situation and if so did you decide to try again. I will probably have to go thru a doctor to get pregnant if we decide to try again due to my medical problems. My heart hurts so much for my babies, and at times I will admit it that it does consume me. I have had so much loss in my life including my Mom when I was 19 years old. I just wish I had someone to lean on who understands as my husbands words of comforting at times make things worse rather than better. Any advice or words of wisdom are appreciated.

by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:05 PM
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Replies (1-7):
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:44 PM
Hugs. Losing a baby is never easy. I saw the heartbeat of mine and passed it the same day. Dh has been supportive but he will never understand the extent of how it affected me. I am the one who lost something growing inside of me. The ladies here have been a great support system. For the times, that dh makes an insensitive comment or doesn't understand, these ladies make up for it. We are in this together, no matter how many times it happens...we are victims of the same circumstances.
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by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 3:03 PM
I am so sorry :( going through losses of babies is lifechanging and devestating. I am also sorry for your trouble concieving. Did they do any testing to see as to why you lost 2? Maybe you can have your levels checked and progesterone. I know of many women that have had multople miscarriages to gi on to have healthy children, so dont loose hope. Good luck
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by Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 3:11 PM
I lost my baby 3 years ago and it still hurts. There are times when I stop and think of how old my baby would be and what he would be like and I cry. DH doesn't understand why I still cry either.
The best thing for you to do is talk about it and cry. Just get it out. That is why I joined this group and they really did help me.
Don't give up hope. DH and I have been trying again for the past year. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm not giving up. We will have our little ones. :)
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by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 5:40 PM
I understand where you are coming from. I would do anything to have a child but I don't know if I can go through another loss. I have had 4 in the last year. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope we both get our rainbows. I know in my heart the day I look at my rainbow baby all the pain will have been worth it.
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by Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 10:29 PM
Hello. I'm so sorry for your losses. I have PCOS, endometriosis (sp?), and severe fibromyalgia. We ttc for 4 years, clomid, tubes cleared etc. No success. We started the process of adoption and I lost 50 lbs. I became pregnant not trying surprisingly and mc. 6 mo later I became pregnant and am now 21.2 weeks. The mc was extremely devastating. I can't describe the pain, I'm sure you know. I thought Id never have another chance. I just leaned on Jesus and am trusting Him. It's all in His hands and when I had no strength, He was strong for me. If you wanna message me, feel free. You are in my prayers.
by Gold Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 10:56 PM
I'm so sorry for your losses. A common quote in here is "you have to want it more than you're afraid of it". That's what it comes down to when TTC after a loss/losses. Sometimes it takes a while to get to that point. Subsequent pregnancies are never going to be "easy", but when successful, they are completely worth it! We're thinking of trying for another and even with successful pregnancies/births, it's still scary to think of the possible complications involved in another pregnancy. But, that first moment of holding your newborn - words just can't describe. Those memories and hopes are what make me want to fight for another.
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by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:43 AM

I'm kinda in your situation now.  I had my first loss last June at 16 weeks, then in January at 9 weeks.  I do have other children, but we want another.  I think losing a baby makes you want another even more so.  Like you, I'm terrified that if I get pregnant, I'll have another loss.  I'm scared that even if it is a viable pregnancy, I'll be stressed the entire pregnancy, I'm just scared!  Thinking about it makes my heart pound, I'm full of anxiety over this.  But I can't get passed wanting another baby!  

My husband is also very supportive and caring, but he knows that he doesn't understand.  I know he has grieved the losses with me, but it's just different when it's your body that is going through this roller coaster.  It takes another mother that has gone through the experience to fully understand what it's like.  You've found a group full of them here (((hugs)))

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