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I would have been close now

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:22 AM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this

 If everything had gone right I would be having my baby at the end of this month. I would feel him or her moving around in my belly right now. Instead I feel a kind of emptiness still.

It has been about 7 months since this has happened to me. I never thought I could get pregnant in the first place. I came to accept the fact that I couldnt. But I did and now I want it more than anything.

People tell me it takes time to get over this. I dont think I will ever get over it. I go on with my days. Sometimes I dont think about it for a few days, but it always comes back into my mind. I may not think about it for a while but I will always remember and I will always be hurt.

I hate when I go to the dr and they ask the question about how many children you have and how many pregnancies. My answer used to be the same for both. No brainer. Now its 1 child and 2 pregnancies. This makes me feel worse.

Everyone tells me to be thankful I do have a child. I am very thankful. I love him more than he will ever know. The people who are telling me this, had as many children as they wanted and chose to stop. They do not know how I feel at all. I know there is always someone who has it worse than me. I just feel we should all have a chance to choose. I know in the real world it doesnt work that way.

I dont even want a lot of kids. All I want is 1 more. I never wanted my son to grow up being an only child. Not that its a bad thing. I had 3 sisters and I could not imagine life without them growing up. Not to mention my Df doesnt have children of his own. He treats ds like he is his own, but I want him to have his own child, made from him. He tells me all the time it is ok if we dont. But I was the one who saw him so happy when I got that bfp and so crushed when I lost it.

Miscarriage and pregnancy loss never used to mean anything to me. I have never had to think about it. My family is full of very fertile woman who have never lost a pregnancy. I never really thought it would happen to me until I found out I had PCOS after my son was born. Its been all down hill from there.

You ladies are some of the strongest people I have ever talked to. For those of you who believe in God, I am praying for your days to get easier and for that bfp that some of you still want. For those who dont I am sending happy thoughts your way.

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:22 AM
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by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:11 AM

Hugs. This group is an amazing group of women! I wish I could get everyone together in real life! I need this kind of group in real life! 

I feel like your post will be this summer. In my own words of course but sort of the same. I can't live my life the way it was, not now. Not until after this summer when I was due. Not ever probably. There is so much grief in my heart right now and forever! 

I have a new understanding for infant loss & the grief that goes along with. I am sort of thankful that I understand now. and I hate that I didn't understand before. I wish I didn't understand but I am glad I do. 

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:14 PM

 I am so sorry for your loss. Special dates are hard and it's hard to imagine what should be. Good luck and praying you will get a sibling for your son. It is hard when people say oh you should be thankful...yes of course you are thankful, but that doesn't mean you don't also grieve the loss of your baby and that is completely ok. You can be thankful/happy and also grieve and be sad. Feel how you need to feel. Thinking of you

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:37 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss ): I lost my baby in Aug if I were still preg with that baby I would have been giving birth any day ): BUT after 6 months of trying and several doctors telling me that I would never get pregnant again and I should just go ahead with my hysterectomy we are starting over I'm 10w5d! But this is one of the scariest things ever because I don't want them to be right I want to prove to them that I can and will have this baby… but as of now only time will tell.
I wish you all the luck in the world that you get your BFP and that its a sticky bean with a H&H 9!!
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:15 AM

It is so hard but try to be strong. We would have been due in may and I tend to break down thinking about it. I agree with you on the feeling of emptiness. We have two daughters but I don't feel our family is complete yet. You do gain more compassion once you have been thru a loss of your own. I hope you are able to have another healthy full term pregnancy. Good luck with everything:)

by Tina on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:58 AM
I am so sorry for your loss and hope you get your second child soon. Due dates and milestones are always hard. Remember its ok to be thankful for what you have but still be sad for what you have lost. I wish you the best of luck.
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:33 AM
Hugs. I am so sorry for your loss. I keep having the same thoughts...that i should be 24 weeks and feeling my baby inside of me...the pain will never be gone but I have accepted that everything happens for a reason. Hugs!!!
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by Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:10 PM

im so sorry for your loss. I have had people tell me that i would get over it but you dont ever get over it. You will always have in your mind that you have another baby that isnt here with you any more. I had my MC is feb of last year and he or she would be 6 months now. I recently foudn out im pregnant again but it scares me because i was almost 10 wks when i MC and im now 6 weeks. These group of women are evry helpful and dotn judge you with what your feeling. I love this group because they are so supportive especially when you have family or friends that are not.

by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 1:30 PM
The great thing about this group is its full of women who understand exactly how we feel. I lost a baby that would have been due this month as well and one that was due in August. My daughters birthday was this month and while it was a happy occasion it has crossed my mind that I should be huge pregnant and im not :( I dont know the answer to why I lost my babies or why women who want babies so desperately can't have them while those who dont get pregnant so easily. I may never know the answer. But I am definitely blessed to have two healthy babies and four angel babies in heaven :) I find peace in the fact that God is all knowing and my babies are safe and happy in such a beautiful place playing with their brothers and sisters with my grandmother watching over them. They are very much loved and missed everyday but one day I WILL see them again. Hugs and prayers coming your way :)
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by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 9:24 AM

I'm so sorry. Big dates are hard. My due date is creeping up on me already. Next month. I can't believe that's it's all happened this fast. It so very hard. I hope you and your DF get your rainbow baby soon. (hugs)

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