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I should be happy but.....

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:07 AM
  • 23 Replies

So, I just found out my SIL is pregnant......I should be happy for her, but I'm not. I'm jealous....in a way. I hate the feeling of jealousy because I've never been this way before. I cried when I found out she was expecting. It's awful to feel this way.

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Happy_Mcboobs
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:15 AM

It's hard. Hugs! You just have to take time to accept it. Hopefully your SIl will understand if you keep your distance but think about her in little ways when you can. Send her a doppler or a baby gift. You know you will love that little niece/nephew no matter what.

I have my own little due date club surrounding me. Each one of us was due this summer from June to July. Each one was finding out gender. Each one was griping and celebrating. And as they all move forward....I am stuck here alone. I buried my baby. I can't face them right now. One of them was expecting me to "show her the ropes of motherhood"--she was expecting me to handle her baby shower....we were exercise buddies & we were going to get back into shape together....I just can't....not now....it's hard.... :( 

Ruffnekwife87
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:40 AM
It is hard. I could not face my cousin after my MC. When I got back home from vacation I did all I could to avoide her u til one day I walked in to my MIL house and she was there with her newborn it killed me I could not even hold the baby I had to leave. After a couple days I was able to come around her and see the baby but it was hard. Just give it time that's all you can do this will not be easy. Just make sure you come here and vent your feelings because for me jealousy turned into angre because I started to think about how its not fair she can keep a baby and I can't.
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mcr2008
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:16 AM

 


Quoting Happy_Mcboobs:

It's hard. Hugs! You just have to take time to accept it. Hopefully your SIl will understand if you keep your distance but think about her in little ways when you can. Send her a doppler or a baby gift. You know you will love that little niece/nephew no matter what.

I have my own little due date club surrounding me. Each one of us was due this summer from June to July. Each one was finding out gender. Each one was griping and celebrating. And as they all move forward....I am stuck here alone. I buried my baby. I can't face them right now. One of them was expecting me to "show her the ropes of motherhood"--she was expecting me to handle her baby shower....we were exercise buddies & we were going to get back into shape together....I just can't....not now....it's hard.... :( 

It will definitely be easy to avoid her because I live in FL and she lives in CA. Of course there will be unconditional love for the little peanut. I guess it's me being upset that my other half doesn't even want to try again. I want to because I think in some way it will help.....not a replacement in any way, just.....idk.

We lost our son in November at 23 weeks. He had trisomy 18 and his heart just stopped. I never got to see him because the doctor had to do a d&c and we didn't have the money for a ceremony. I'm disappointed in myself for it because I feel like we should've done something. My due date is tuesday the 12th....I don't have much support around me in the first place and I play it off like I'm ok, but inside I'm screaming. I have always felt I needed to be strong around others no matter what. IDK. I don't blame you. I can't even go to babyshower's or anything. I dislike my friends on fb who post pregnancy or newborn or baby pics. One thing I am thankful for is this site and this group.

 

mcr2008
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:20 AM

 


Quoting Ruffnekwife87:

It is hard. I could not face my cousin after my MC. When I got back home from vacation I did all I could to avoide her u til one day I walked in to my MIL house and she was there with her newborn it killed me I could not even hold the baby I had to leave. After a couple days I was able to come around her and see the baby but it was hard. Just give it time that's all you can do this will not be easy. Just make sure you come here and vent your feelings because for me jealousy turned into angre because I started to think about how its not fair she can keep a baby and I can't.


 I feel the same way. One of my cousins is pregnant and is due in May. The first time I saw my family after the loss she sat there a bragged non stop about her pregnancy. All I could do was imagine myself jumping across the table....I'm not a violent person either. I ended up avoiding everyone from that point. My other cousin just had her third child.....I babysit for her. She's a single mom with 3 boys. There are some days it's so hard for me to be around the baby, but somehow I get through it. I get angry at times because she will say things kindof giving the impression that she's tired of having 3 boys....I just want to sit there and tell her she's lucky. I would do anything to have my little boy back and healthy and be able to hold him and have sleepless nights, stinky diapers, spit up on days and nights.

dewzer47
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:41 AM
My brothers girlfriend is pregnant. I want to be happy, I am excited to be an aunt, but there's all these other feeling that I hide so they don't feel bad to be around me. Its hard. And it sucks.
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mcr2008
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting dewzer47:

My brothers girlfriend is pregnant. I want to be happy, I am excited to be an aunt, but there's all these other feeling that I hide so they don't feel bad to be around me. Its hard. And it sucks.


 It really does. I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels like this.

ragitty
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:37 PM

I've been there. I found out my sil was pregnant 6 months after my loss and I cried every day for at least a week. I had a really hard time her entire pregnancy, crying almost every time after I saw her and getting extremely angry whenever she complained about the pregnancy (which wasn't really as often as it felt like) and getting annoyed at how excited everyone else was for her. She had her baby a month ago, two weeks before my one year angelversary and it is still hard. I saw my nephew the day he was born and holding him felt great, but I cried once we got home from the hospital and it is still hard for me to see pictures of my nephews together because it makes me feel guilty that I haven't given ds a sibling yet.

I have been praying a lot over it and really don't have any advice to give because I am struggling with it myself, but just know what you are feeling is completely normal and you are not alone. It is hard enough to see other pregnant women after a loss. It is so much harder when that pregnant woman is a close family member

WhoaMommy
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:05 AM

That has to be hard. I know how you feel. I've recently been through a mc and I've been seeing babies all over facebook and friends are actually sending me photos of their kids. This is unusual and feels like a personal assault from the universe or something! I know that they don't mean anything by it (most don't even know what happened) but I am taking it personally. Also, when they complain about not being able to go out because of their new baby or how bored they are at home, I just want to slap somebody!! I told my friend that if I lived closer, I would GLADLY babysit her 2 month old anytime and that she should be greatful to have such a blessing in her life. >:(

Irene1923
by Tina on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:06 AM
I am sorry and know how you feel. My SIL got pregnant a few weeks after our loss and told us when we weren't even two months past our loss. It was so hard to hear and I cried when we got home. I got pregnant the next month and lost that baby too. That made it even worse and I would get so annoyed when she would complain about being pregnant. I couldn't read her Fb posts or look at her pictures. I was truly happy for her but sad for myself. Now I love seeing photos of my niece but it took time not to feel a little pain and jealousy. It will get easier.
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EAzizM
by Erica on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:37 AM
We all feel that Way sometimes. I hate all the pregnant women around me. Lol hugs
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