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Feeling Bitter

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:32 PM
  • 12 Replies
Just a bit of a vent, im feeling so bitter and trying not to. Im still grieving for my baby that I lost two months ago. Today I saw my neighbor, who was holding her granddaughter. The mom to the baby is on her third baby daddy, has to live with her parents, intentionally (has told me herself) gets pregnant by these random guys, and then asks me for my little girl's clothing because she cant afford to get clothes for her baby.

I try not to get angry and say why me, but having to see a perfect little newborn girl given to someone like that when right next door is me who's little girl died just hurts. Why can she keep having babies with no problem when I am so careful in pregnancy and do everything right, i plan for my babies with my husband and have to try a full year to get pregnant and I dont get to keep my baby.

I hate feeling bitter. I hate that it hurt so much to look at that baby. I dont want to be an angry person but it creeps in. I tried to skip that stage of grief but i guess i can't. It doesn't help that I was really hoping to get pregnant this month and my period comes early instead. They say you're super fertile after a miscarriage but I don't think my body knows that.
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Herlache
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:32 PM
I'm in the same boat as you. I know of this 17 year old who had a baby 4 months ago and don't know who the daddy is it could be 4 different guys. It's sad we can't have what we so desperately want, but some have no trouble and don't take care of their babies ((hugs))
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busyizzybsmom
by Gold Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry. :( I can't tell you why other women get to keep their babies and we don't. I can tell you though that the best way to fight bitterness is with thankfulness. Bitterness will only eat us alive from the inside out, but cultivating an attitude of thankfulness will help in forcing out those angry and jealous thoughts. Even if you can only find the weather or the fact that you have hot running water to be thankful for, be thankful. Hugs!

Turtledoves
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:09 PM

It's rough, isn't it? I never wanted to be a bitter person who says "Why her and not me?" but it feels like it's being shoved in my face. I knew this girl since we were in middle school. When we worked together when I was 18 and she was 16-17, she kept saying that she was cheating on her boyfriend because she thought it would give her more of a chance to get pregnant and she didn't need the guy anyway, just the baby. Well, she did get her baby, and that baby grew up to be a little boy who is never watched and loves to climb on my porch and jump off onto the concrete, even though I asked his mother to not let him do that for liability reasons. 

She keeps trying to get pregnant, I have no idea why, with guys that she knows won't stay around, and then lets her parents raise them. Her parents are older and definitely don't need a whole housefull of babies, but they can't kick her out either. I just don't understand why babies keep going to her with no problem, but I'm right next door and tried for a year to get pregnant with my angel, and then I lost her. It's already been such a long journey, and with each cycle that ends in a period I feel like I might be waiting a long time again and it hurts. 

Quoting Herlache:

I'm in the same boat as you. I know of this 17 year old who had a baby 4 months ago and don't know who the daddy is it could be 4 different guys. It's sad we can't have what we so desperately want, but some have no trouble and don't take care of their babies ((hugs))


in lovebaby girlpuppy
Babywearing, co-sleeping, exclusively breastfeeding, AP, natural birthing, happily married SAH Mommy to Katherine Isabelle, and mommy to our Angel baby, Elizabeth Rose.

Turtledoves
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:11 PM

Thank you. That's definitely what I've been trying to do. I try to remember that I wasn't supposed to have any fertility at all, and instead I had one perfect little girl and I was able to get pregnant with another, even if she didn't make it. I try to be thankful for my fertility, even when it doesn't work as fast as I want it to or if it doesn't have a happy ending. I try to be thankful for just my little girl and my current family....but some days it's really hard to see past the grief and the yearning. I definitely need to try to refocus again and become more positive and thankful, especially since I'll be seeing a lot of this tiny baby and I don't want to see her and every time think of the baby I lost. 

Quoting busyizzybsmom:

I'm so sorry. :( I can't tell you why other women get to keep their babies and we don't. I can tell you though that the best way to fight bitterness is with thankfulness. Bitterness will only eat us alive from the inside out, but cultivating an attitude of thankfulness will help in forcing out those angry and jealous thoughts. Even if you can only find the weather or the fact that you have hot running water to be thankful for, be thankful. Hugs!


in lovebaby girlpuppy
Babywearing, co-sleeping, exclusively breastfeeding, AP, natural birthing, happily married SAH Mommy to Katherine Isabelle, and mommy to our Angel baby, Elizabeth Rose.

blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:33 PM

*hugs*

TwinkleStars918
by Amanda on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:24 PM

*hugs*. I have a friend with a baby girl and she loves to rub it in my face that she has a magical wonderful little girl and she makes me feel like I am somehow inferior because I have a son. My little girl died. I do have a baby girl, she is just not with me. And I love my son. Its petty to act the way she does, I love all my babies and I don't care what gender they are.

Amigajen
by Jen on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:25 PM

I can relate to feeling bitter..!  My miscarriage was only a week and a half ago and a few days ago I had to go into my OB's office for a follow-up and I was surrounded by pregnant women.  It hurt like hell to have to sit there and think that I am there to make sure my natural miscarriage was over and all the pregnant women around me were so happy sitting there rubbing their bellies.  I was so overwhelmed having to sit there and watch that, I tried hard not to watch them but instead I tried to stare at the ground.  It has been very hard of my mind constantly thinking that this happening to me isn't fair... And the constant thoughts of why me...?  Time is suppose to help heal wounds but sometimes it feels like that is never going to happen...  I wish you peace in your heartache soon.

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:13 PM

 Hugs... those are some of the hardest things to understand.  Hugs again and I am sorry about your daughter.

Herlache
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:15 PM
I feel sorry for her kids!! Just wait we will get our rainbows very soon!!! ((hugs))

Quoting Turtledoves:

It's rough, isn't it? I never wanted to be a bitter person who says "Why her and not me?" but it feels like it's being shoved in my face. I knew this girl since we were in middle school. When we worked together when I was 18 and she was 16-17, she kept saying that she was cheating on her boyfriend because she thought it would give her more of a chance to get pregnant and she didn't need the guy anyway, just the baby. Well, she did get her baby, and that baby grew up to be a little boy who is never watched and loves to climb on my porch and jump off onto the concrete, even though I asked his mother to not let him do that for liability reasons. 

She keeps trying to get pregnant, I have no idea why, with guys that she knows won't stay around, and then lets her parents raise them. Her parents are older and definitely don't need a whole housefull of babies, but they can't kick her out either. I just don't understand why babies keep going to her with no problem, but I'm right next door and tried for a year to get pregnant with my angel, and then I lost her. It's already been such a long journey, and with each cycle that ends in a period I feel like I might be waiting a long time again and it hurts. 

Quoting Herlache:

I'm in the same boat as you. I know of this 17 year old who had a baby 4 months ago and don't know who the daddy is it could be 4 different guys. It's sad we can't have what we so desperately want, but some have no trouble and don't take care of their babies ((hugs))


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momofcrazypants
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM

I'm so sorry. It's hard. I try to take something positive out of this. Like maybe I was supposed to lose this baby and have this experience so I can be there for others who have to go through it. I don't know if that makes sense, but I just try to pull something positive out of it. It's really horrible though, everywhere you look you can find similar situations and they just don't add up in our brains. I'm a good mother, my children are happy, we're excellent providers and we lost our third child. It just doesn't compute sometimes. So, for me right now, just being there for others whenever I can helps me. Or just listening. It can be so difficult not to be bitter and I struggle with that pretty often myself. I think it's normal though. (hugs)

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