Just lost my baby and my heart is broken ***UPDATE*** 3/29
I was 9wks and 1 day pregnant and Thursday night (6pm) into Friday morning (10am ) I lost what would have been my 4th baby. My heart is just broken. I have 3 little girls and I love them so so so much but I just can't help but feel like our family needs one more little person to be complete. The pain of this miscarriage is unbearable, both physically and emotionally. Wednesday was my oldest daughter's 6th birthday. We couldn't have her big picnic party that she wanted b/c I was on bed-rest. Well at lot of good that did me because Thursday night the bleeding & cramping started and now I feel like I ruined her party and it wasn't even like it was for the good of her future sibling. We told quite a few close family and friends about the baby and now I dread having to see them or even talk to them. Telling my 2 older daughters (6&4) & my 2 brothers (12&9) about what happened was devastating enough and now I have to have the same torturous conversation at least 20 more times. I looked pregnant so even people that weren't on our insider's list know from giving me the "omg are you pregnant" gesture so there's all those people to contend with. Not to mention all the pregnancy emails waiting for me in my inbox. To top it off my mom surprised me with a little girls day out shopping trip to get some new fun maternity clothes. I wanted this baby so badly and now he or she is just gone. And to add insult to injury the doctor I had my follow-up with this afternoon said to me " oh well this happens all the time, you'll be fine in a few days, just shrug it off and take some motrin" Thank God the ER doc I had actually cared and listened to me as I wailed and sat doubled over in pain for over 12 hours. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm terrified at thought of ever trying again for fear of losing another baby but I feel like our family needs one more person to make it complete. I'm so sad and lost. I wish the world would just open up and swallow me whole. I miss the little person I was making. I miss the little person we nicknamed the tiny crumb. I miss what that baby could have been.