So i lost my first and hopefully only baby back in November of 2012. Afterwards I didn't want to try again but in January I thought it might have happened on accident, and I was terrified! I don't know where to go from here. I am so afraid to loose another baby that I am hesitant to try again, but I promised my husband we would try again in June or July. Right now I told him I need to concentrate on me! I know that is hard but we have a two and a half year old and I don't want them to be too far apart but how long can I procrastinate!? I am waiting until June because I don't want a Christmas baby or a January baby, but then what?
So much for the scared part, now for the angry bit. The other day we were at work and we were talking about trying again and I casually mentioned wouldn't it be interesting if I concieved or we found out we were pregnant on July 10th, our lost babies due date, and he was clueless! I got so angry and he had no clue as to why, he kept asking me and I told him if he didn't know I wasn't going to tell him. I was so hurt! When we lost the baby there was this absolute disconnect and no emotion from him, and so when I told him, I told him angrily that is right I forgot ONLY I LOST A CHILD not you! It is a struggle, the baby was only 6 weeks, and his excuse is that he didn't have enough of a chance to get used to the idea let alone bond with a baby he never held. I don't understand how cold he can be, but I am dreading the 10th of July and I am so conflicted. I don't know what to do about any of this I just wanted to vent! Although any feedback is highly appreciated.