Coping with Loss... Hope this helps. It gets me through...
Please add if anyone has other tips.
I really hope others find comfort or some of this helpful. On March 13th, 2013 at 3:47 AM we lost our little girl Savannah - I was 37W3D pregnant.
This has been a horrible time but here are some things that have been helping me get through.
1 - For those who are religious, I believe that my God does not make mistakes and always does what is right. She is with the best Father anyone can ask for in a place where she will never cry or know pain.
2 - When I look in the mirror in the morning I say "good morning" to her. Same before I go to bed. Sometimes I cry like it is happening all over again and sometimes I smile. It's just that she looked like me. The more I recognize and deal with it, the better I get.
3 - I hold her things. Specifically what she wore after she was born. At first I just cried into them. Now I have gotten so use to holding the items that I can hold them and smile, remembering how nice it was to feel her kick or hear her heartbeat.
4 - My DH and I keep to ourselves. No calls to others, just texts. Other people who have not been through this do not understand... PERIOD. They just don't. It's hard to talk about, sometimes even to my DH. Let alone talking to people who have never been through it. I love my Mom, but she makes it about her own mourning and wants me to console her. My Aunt gets upset because my DH and I want to be alone. My Dad came to the hospital the day I delivered and fell asleep which pissed my DH off... and the list goes on.
5 - Taking time to mourn on my schedule. Not at the speed someone else thinks I should be going. This has been really important.
6 - I will keep some things to myself. Everything is not meant to be shared with my DH if I think he will not understand or while trying to help make things worse.
7 - Again, for those who are religious, when praying the first thing I do is thank God for my blessings, including knowing my DD for the time I did. This helps me keep things in perspective and realize that even though I lost her, God is still good to me.
8 - Dreaming! Not sleeping, though I do a lot of that now. My DH and I are planning a nice long vacation. I told him in the hospital "I have got to see a beach." Planning something exciting that does not involved anything baby related has REALLY helped.
9 - We make in memory keepsakes. This hurts while doing it but after a while it feels... good. I have pictures, made a photobook at Walgreens, a star named after her (thanks to a neighbor), some wind chimes (thanks to co-workers), soon a cherry blossom tree, and a keep sake box. This helps. I do not feel like I am discarding her life when I am not crying.
From Happy McBoobs 10-11:
10 - Don't get angry at your husband for not talking about the loss baby/child....Husbands grieve differently than their wives.
11 - Also, grief is a lifelong process. It's scary to think that we will still grieve years from now...but we will, it won't be as hard as it is right now when it's fresh and just beginning but the grief will still be there.
12 - If you need support, go get it. Whether if it is from a support group or people you know.
I have not gotten to a point where I do not think it's not my fault somehow, but every day I get a little closer. I cannot go into her room yet either. Instead I just get a pounding headache.