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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

When you are not trying or waiting to try in the future- how do you feel?

Posted by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:19 AM
  • 6 Replies

Starting with my miscarriage last year, I had been worried about getting pregnant because we were not ready to have 2 very young children "running around." Then when I had my ectopic pregnancy in November, I've gone on complete "high alert" of my body.

DH and I are not trying until at least the end of the year- just so that we can try and build up our finances.

In the meantime, despite being on the pill and using extra protection, I am worried about becoming pregnant. I have to be aware of my body now, because I am now high risk. With the ep they took a little more than half my left tube- and who knows if it is open or sealed from the cauterization.

Everytime that AF comes for a visit I am relieved, but only for a moment, and then I go back on high alert.

by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:19 AM
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Replies (1-6):
mommyofnoah208
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:29 AM
I was like this as well, especially in the beginning. I think we just become so worried and scared to go through it all again that it is on our minds constantly. Thinking of you. So sorry for your loss. Good luck in the future and hoping you find calmness and peace
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Happy_Mcboobs
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:37 AM

I am afraid of getting pregnant again. I am definitely on "high alert" myself....We're not trying...because well, it's early for us...we're only one month out...and I really want my summer baby....if we were to try now, I'd have another winter baby and something says ok, those have all been healthy...but I was looking forward to a summer baby...I had dreams of a summer baby....getting pregnant to have a summer baby was good...I want to know my body can give birth to a healthy summer baby so I'm waiting to "try"....but than again....would it heal me if I were pregnant during my due date? It's hard to be intimate when I cry afterwards out of fear....we needed that closeness...daily--really--I sort of crave being that close....but yet, I'm so afraid....maybe I shouldn't even try again....I have 4 wins....I almost died... :( 

I think of Gwyneth Paltrow and how she said she almost died...I haven't read any details to her loss of her 3rd except that she almost died...and I feel that way too....I'm not invincible. I need to be here. Risk?

mdawn028
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:14 PM
I am sorry for your loss never give up hope and pray pray pray it is the only thing that gets me through. You never know I am always being told if God wants you to have children he will bless you. I have my good and bad days as everyone else. I pray when you are ready to try again if you are able that God will bless you.
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chicaespana2003
by Steph on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:31 PM

I was thinking about "how cool/nice it would be if we had a baby that was born the same month i or hubby were born in. Now I don't know how cool it would be anymore. The mc was in March- days after my hubby's b-day, and the ep pregnancy was discovered 2 days before my b-day, and removed (after finding out it was ep) 2 days after my b-day. I don't want to have another July baby- July is just too busy with other family b-day's, or anni's. I'd be okay with an October baby, but not concieve in October. I'd be ok with a Feb baby, but not really concieve in Feb (depending on timing).

WHEN we are ready to try again, I would like to have maybe 2 more kids running around the house. I really want to try and give my hubby a little boy. While I do have twins running in my family (somewhere), I don't think I would be ready for that scenario.

Until then, I'm focused on how many times I go to the bathroom, especially when i'm going frequently; i focus on breast tenderness/darkening- but understand that they can get tender before AF appears; I've noticed that when I'm typing/talking that I can't get my words/thoughts together (do I have baby-brain?); sometimes I fall asleep while watching tv with dh- before 9pm (other nights I'm up til we go to bed 10-10:30, and with hubby gone I'm up til 11 or so); I check my weight as I'm trying to loose weight and i'm at a plateau (I hit plateaus both times).

I must be crazy :(

Quoting Happy_Mcboobs:

I am afraid of getting pregnant again. I am definitely on "high alert" myself....We're not trying...because well, it's early for us...we're only one month out...and I really want my summer baby....if we were to try now, I'd have another winter baby and something says ok, those have all been healthy...but I was looking forward to a summer baby...I had dreams of a summer baby....getting pregnant to have a summer baby was good...I want to know my body can give birth to a healthy summer baby so I'm waiting to "try"....but than again....would it heal me if I were pregnant during my due date? It's hard to be intimate when I cry afterwards out of fear....we needed that closeness...daily--really--I sort of crave being that close....but yet, I'm so afraid....maybe I shouldn't even try again....I have 4 wins....I almost died... :( 

I think of Gwyneth Paltrow and how she said she almost died...I haven't read any details to her loss of her 3rd except that she almost died...and I feel that way too....I'm not invincible. I need to be here. Risk?



egal105
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:29 PM

I feel like I am going crazy too.  I cannot finish a thought sometimes.  I will be in the middle of something and completely forget what I am doing. I can't formulate sentences sometimes, I can't think of the right word...

Any way, I am really not in a place to try again.  It's only been a month and a half since my loss.  My due date is(was) next month and I am really afraid of how I am going to deal with that. 


That being said, I feel incomplete now that we won't have our baby, so I want to try again.  It is so scary.  My ob kind of waved off the idea that I'd be "high-risk", so I don't know what that will mean if I am pregnant again.  The idea that this could happen again is so scary to me, but I don't know if it's scary enough not to try.  I want to be monitored more closely.  I want to have a doppler so that I can monitor the heartbeat myself. In what situations do they do that?  I will ask when we decide to try again, but then again, why am I even worried about these things when I am not even trying to get pregnant.  I basically go round and round in a circle in my head.  And to top it all off, my husband isn't even sure that HE wants to try again.  He'll come around, but that is another thing that I wrestle around with.

So conflicting.


Quoting chicaespana2003:

I was thinking about "how cool/nice it would be if we had a baby that was born the same month i or hubby were born in. Now I don't know how cool it would be anymore. The mc was in March- days after my hubby's b-day, and the ep pregnancy was discovered 2 days before my b-day, and removed (after finding out it was ep) 2 days after my b-day. I don't want to have another July baby- July is just too busy with other family b-day's, or anni's. I'd be okay with an October baby, but not concieve in October. I'd be ok with a Feb baby, but not really concieve in Feb (depending on timing).

WHEN we are ready to try again, I would like to have maybe 2 more kids running around the house. I really want to try and give my hubby a little boy. While I do have twins running in my family (somewhere), I don't think I would be ready for that scenario.

Until then, I'm focused on how many times I go to the bathroom, especially when i'm going frequently; i focus on breast tenderness/darkening- but understand that they can get tender before AF appears; I've noticed that when I'm typing/talking that I can't get my words/thoughts together (do I have baby-brain?); sometimes I fall asleep while watching tv with dh- before 9pm (other nights I'm up til we go to bed 10-10:30, and with hubby gone I'm up til 11 or so); I check my weight as I'm trying to loose weight and i'm at a plateau (I hit plateaus both times).

I must be crazy :(

Quoting Happy_Mcboobs:

I am afraid of getting pregnant again. I am definitely on "high alert" myself....We're not trying...because well, it's early for us...we're only one month out...and I really want my summer baby....if we were to try now, I'd have another winter baby and something says ok, those have all been healthy...but I was looking forward to a summer baby...I had dreams of a summer baby....getting pregnant to have a summer baby was good...I want to know my body can give birth to a healthy summer baby so I'm waiting to "try"....but than again....would it heal me if I were pregnant during my due date? It's hard to be intimate when I cry afterwards out of fear....we needed that closeness...daily--really--I sort of crave being that close....but yet, I'm so afraid....maybe I shouldn't even try again....I have 4 wins....I almost died... :( 

I think of Gwyneth Paltrow and how she said she almost died...I haven't read any details to her loss of her 3rd except that she almost died...and I feel that way too....I'm not invincible. I need to be here. Risk?





Happy_Mcboobs
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 4:14 PM

I get that. I have a circle in my head about it. My DH is already on board to try again for another baby. I don't know how he is already on board but I guess he knows how much I wanted that baby to begin with! How I was so sure about having that baby so he is with me....he knows that I'm afraid and that the fear is keeping me from wanting another baby. 

He'd go for it now (which I think it's too early) and well, we haven't prevented but I think it was too early to really "do anything" anyways....or at least I hope so....I probably need to test at the end of April if I haven't gotten my period back! 

He also says waiting is fine because he knows I'm so emotionally spent! 

There was some stress from both sets of grandparents....so i want to make sure I'm in my "calm element" and that I know how to remain calm!

The baby overrides my fear in the end but it's still scary! :(  


Quoting egal105:

I feel like I am going crazy too.  I cannot finish a thought sometimes.  I will be in the middle of something and completely forget what I am doing. I can't formulate sentences sometimes, I can't think of the right word...

Any way, I am really not in a place to try again.  It's only been a month and a half since my loss.  My due date is(was) next month and I am really afraid of how I am going to deal with that. 


That being said, I feel incomplete now that we won't have our baby, so I want to try again.  It is so scary.  My ob kind of waved off the idea that I'd be "high-risk", so I don't know what that will mean if I am pregnant again.  The idea that this could happen again is so scary to me, but I don't know if it's scary enough not to try.  I want to be monitored more closely.  I want to have a doppler so that I can monitor the heartbeat myself. In what situations do they do that?  I will ask when we decide to try again, but then again, why am I even worried about these things when I am not even trying to get pregnant.  I basically go round and round in a circle in my head.  And to top it all off, my husband isn't even sure that HE wants to try again.  He'll come around, but that is another thing that I wrestle around with.

So conflicting.



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