My angel is flying.
Hello. So I'm brand new on this and I suppose I'll start off with my name. I'm Mónica and I am currently 17 years old. In December 2012, when i was still 16 i went to a party. It was a chill party, just good friends and we were all gathered around just talking. I hadn't driven and my absolute best friend of 3 years, was giving me a ride home. It's fuzzy and what exactly inspired us to do so, but we ended up doing much more than best friends should do. When I got home... in all honestly I was on cloud 9. I thought wow, i think i am in love with my best friend! the feelings had always been there, just never aroused and once that happened i thought he felt it too. Alas, he proved me wrong and it was just a one night stand. Everything went back to normal, just best friends.
Then... I started getting sick. I was more than physically hurting, it felt as if my body had been a rag doll for an MMA fighter. My emotions were spiraling out of control, like a bipolar persons. I began to bleed so heavily and hurt I couldn't even walk. So I went to the doctor, and they confirmed my biggest fear.
The weirdest part about the ordeal, is that the hospital called about the test results they ran (to check for the pregnancy hormones) when I was in a class with him. The even STRANGER part is that the night before I got the results, I had a dream. A dream of a beautiful dark skinned little girl, with dark, bouncing curls that flowed to her waist and smile that melted my heart. The little girl's milky white teeth dazed my mind and I could merely gawk at the beauty of this child. She was in her father's arms. He carried her over to me, where I reached out and she fit into my arms as if they were made just to fit the shape of her perfect little body. To love and protect her with everything. Then she opened her eyes and I peered into the deepest green... the only other time I had seen the glorious color was when I looked into her father's eyes. Captivated at her beauty I couldn't even manage a word, and I looked at her father who was smiling with pride at the beautiful creature he had helped produce. She looked up to me and said "hi mommy" in a soprano equivalent to a chorus of bells.
Then I woke up. and she was gone. My little angel, the perfection of my dreams.
I was... there are no words to describe it. This perfect little creation, so perfect and alive and healthy in my dream was she growing inside me? More importantly... was she dying as i dreamt and that was her farewell before she spread her wings and flew to be with Jesus?
When I got the call, I cried. Cried like a baby. I couldn't handle myself, and when I looked into his eyes because he was the first to ask me what was wrong, i cried even more. Seeing my baby's eyes killed me inside. Kills me every single day that I look into his. Losing a baby was and will probably be the most devestating thing to ever happen to me. To lose a child is... beyond words. The pain is unexplainable and the emptiness in your heart is unfillable.
I am a devoted Catholic, and I believe that I will see my little girl someday. God took her because He knew I wasn't ready to have a baby... and He also knew that He needed a precious angel to keep him company. I pray to her, God, Jesus, and Mary every night. She is me, and I will count the days until I hold her in my arms again.
My baby's name would have been Annabelle Marísol.