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My angel is flying.

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:52 AM
  • 13 Replies

Hello. So I'm brand new on this and I suppose I'll start off with my name. I'm Mónica and I am currently 17 years old. In December 2012, when i was still 16 i went to a party. It was a chill party, just good friends and we were all gathered around just talking. I hadn't driven and my absolute best friend of 3 years, was giving me a ride home. It's fuzzy and what exactly inspired us to do so, but we ended up doing much more than best friends should do. When I got home... in all honestly I was on cloud 9. I thought wow, i think i am in love with my best friend! the feelings had always been there, just never aroused and once that happened i thought he felt it too. Alas, he proved me wrong and it was just a one night stand. Everything went back to normal, just best friends.

Then... I started getting sick. I was more than physically hurting, it felt as if my body had been a rag doll for an MMA fighter. My emotions were spiraling out of control, like a bipolar persons. I began to bleed so heavily and hurt I couldn't even walk. So I went to the doctor, and they confirmed my biggest fear. 

The weirdest part about the ordeal, is that the hospital called about the test results they ran (to check for the pregnancy hormones) when I was in a class with him. The even STRANGER part is that the night before I got the results, I had a dream. A dream of a beautiful dark skinned little girl, with dark, bouncing curls that flowed to her waist and smile that melted my heart. The little girl's milky white teeth dazed my mind and I could merely gawk at the beauty of this child. She was in her father's arms. He carried her over to me, where I reached out and she fit into my arms as if they were made just to fit the shape of her perfect little body. To love and protect her with everything. Then she opened her eyes and I peered into the deepest green... the only other time I had seen the glorious color was when I looked into her father's eyes. Captivated at her beauty I couldn't even manage a word, and I looked at her father who was smiling with pride at the beautiful creature he had helped produce. She looked up to me and said "hi mommy" in a soprano equivalent to a chorus of bells.

Then I woke up. and she was gone. My little angel, the perfection of my dreams. 

I was... there are no words to describe it. This perfect little creation, so perfect and alive and healthy in my dream was she growing inside me? More importantly... was she dying as i dreamt and that was her farewell before she spread her wings and flew to be with Jesus?

When I got the call, I cried. Cried like a baby. I couldn't handle myself, and when I looked into his eyes because he was the first to ask me what was wrong, i cried even more. Seeing my baby's eyes killed me inside. Kills me every single day that I look into his. Losing a baby was and will probably be the most devestating thing to ever happen to me. To lose a child is... beyond words. The pain is unexplainable and the emptiness in your heart is unfillable. 

I am a devoted Catholic, and I believe that I will see my little girl someday. God took her because He knew I wasn't ready to have a baby... and He also knew that He needed a precious angel to keep him company. I pray to her, God, Jesus, and Mary every night. She is me, and I will count the days until I hold her in my arms again. 

My baby's name would have been Annabelle Marísol. 

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Amanda on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:59 AM

Annabelle Marisol is a beautiful name. I am so sorry for your loss. I was 16 when I lost my daughter at 21 weeks in 2008, even not being ready for a baby, you love that child just the same.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:08 AM
Sorry for your loss. I was 12 when I lost my 1st angel, Gavin Matthew. At 20, I had a beautiful, healthy baby boy named Aidan. At 23, I lost my 2nd angel. Got pregnant 6 weeks later with a beautiful, perfect daughter, Marti-Lynette. When she was 5 months old, I got pregnant with triplets. Jack and Zoe are my 3rd & 4th angel babies. My Lynda lived. In October of last year, I lost my 5th angel. I'm pregnant again due in November.
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:14 AM

Thank you  so much. I feel like the beautiful name matched the beautiful person she would have been. i'm sorry for your loss. ): yes, we love our children with all our hearts regardless of if we get to hold them or if they are waiting for us at Heaven's gate!

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:16 AM

I am so sorry for your losses. ): I am also very happy to hear about the healthy, happy children you were blessed with. I'm sure we will all be reunited with our little angels someday! 

God bless.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:43 PM
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Praying for peace and healing!!  I was 21 when I lost my first angel, Amanda Jeanne - AJ for short.  God Bless You!!!!!

by Desiree-admin on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:24 PM

*hugs*  I'm sorry for your loss.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:36 PM
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Annabelle Marisol is a wonderous and beautiful name for such a sweet angel. I feel your pain, momma, I lost my daughter when I was 3months along at the age of 19. My little Grace Namine is with your little Annabelle Marisol waiting for us to hold them in our arms again. Sending hugs your way..................
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:46 PM
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We named our baby, too-we share similar beliefs and I can tell you for a fact that it has helped us in processing this loss. What a beautiful name; Annabelle Marisol. 

My husband bought me a ring with Maggie's birthstone in it (it was the birthstone for March-the month she passed) and it has also brought me some comfort. We fully intend to tell any future children we may have about their lovely sister. God bless-I hope you find comfort soon.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 3:31 PM
I'm sorry for your loss! ((hugs))
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 7:54 PM
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 ((hugs)) I'm sorry you had to go through this at such a young age an I'm very sorry for your loss. 

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