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Hello. So I'm brand new on this and I suppose I'll start off with my name. I'm Mónica and I am currently 17 years old. In December 2012, when i was still 16 i went to a party. It was a chill party, just good friends and we were all gathered around just talking. I hadn't driven and my absolute best friend of 3 years, was giving me a ride home. It's fuzzy and what exactly inspired us to do so, but we ended up doing much more than best friends should do. When I got home... in all honestly I was on cloud 9. I thought wow, i think i am in love with my best friend! the feelings had always been there, just never aroused and once that happened i thought he felt it too. Alas, he proved me wrong and it was just a one night stand. Everything went back to normal, just best friends.

Then... I started getting sick. I was more than physically hurting, it felt as if my body had been a rag doll for an MMA fighter. My emotions were spiraling out of control, like a bipolar persons. I began to bleed so heavily and hurt I couldn't even walk. So I went to the doctor, and they confirmed my biggest fear. 

The weirdest part about the ordeal, is that the hospital called about the test results they ran (to check for the pregnancy hormones) when I was in a class with him. The even STRANGER part is that the night before I got the results, I had a dream. A dream of a beautiful dark skinned little girl, with dark, bouncing curls that flowed to her waist and smile that melted my heart. The little girl's milky white teeth dazed my mind and I could merely gawk at the beauty of this child. She was in her father's arms. He carried her over to me, where I reached out and she fit into my arms as if they were made just to fit the shape of her perfect little body. To love and protect her with everything. Then she opened her eyes and I peered into the deepest green... the only other time I had seen the glorious color was when I looked into her father's eyes. Captivated at her beauty I couldn't even manage a word, and I looked at her father who was smiling with pride at the beautiful creature he had helped produce. She looked up to me and said "hi mommy" in a soprano equivalent to a chorus of bells.

Then I woke up. and she was gone. My little angel, the perfection of my dreams. 

I was... there are no words to describe it. This perfect little creation, so perfect and alive and healthy in my dream was she growing inside me? More importantly... was she dying as i dreamt and that was her farewell before she spread her wings and flew to be with Jesus?

When I got the call, I cried. Cried like a baby. I couldn't handle myself, and when I looked into his eyes because he was the first to ask me what was wrong, i cried even more. Seeing my baby's eyes killed me inside. Kills me every single day that I look into his. Losing a baby was and will probably be the most devestating thing to ever happen to me. To lose a child is... beyond words. The pain is unexplainable and the emptiness in your heart is unfillable. 

I am a devoted Catholic, and I believe that I will see my little girl someday. God took her because He knew I wasn't ready to have a baby... and He also knew that He needed a precious angel to keep him company. I pray to her, God, Jesus, and Mary every night. She is me, and I will count the days until I hold her in my arms again. 

My baby's name would have been Annabelle Marísol. 

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:52 AM
Replies (11-13):
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:42 PM
1 mom liked this
I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry u had to go through this at such a young age. My heart goes out to u.I lost my baby July 28th 2012 only 8 weeks along. My due date would have been March 5,2013. I didn't know the sex of my baby but I felt she was a girl. I named her Heaven Lynn cause she went to heaven to be with the Lord. Annabelle Marisol is a beautiful name so pretty for a pretty baby girl very fitting and unique.It is a really pretty name. I love all of the mom's baby names they are all beautiful and unique. I am sorry for all of your losses. We are all moms who loved our babies a lot and we will always love our sweet precious babies. We will love always forever in our minds and in our hearts. My heart goes out to all of u God bless all the moms here. I am thankful to get to respond to u all. I truly am blessed to have come across this site I am blessed to be able to get to know all of u sweet moms who love so much as I do and who keep loving even when our hearts hurt because we all know what it is like to have lost and loved and we keep on loving even through all we have gone through. I thank all moms all of us for caring loving and having compassion for others even when we are hurting inside we keep on going loving caring and having compassion all of u are wonderful. I am so blessed by all moms thank u all. Sincerely, Dawna
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry for your loss!

by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 8:49 PM

Thank you everyone for the kind words. It means more to me than I could ever say! God Bless you all and the blessed children we will all get to see again someday!

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