Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Not Sure How I Feel *PREGNANCY MENTIONED*

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:15 PM
  • 11 Replies

Many of you know I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby.  Last night I went to the ER because I was feeling contraction like pains.  Everything with baby is good.  Doctor thinks I might have pulled a muscle.  Well he ordered an ultrasound and the ultrasound tech asked if I knew the sex yet and if I wanted to know.  I said I did. 

The tech looked and her guess was a boy.  But when she first said it she admitted the umbilical cord was close and baby had his hand by his stuff.  She kept looking and saw the baby open it's legs and I could clearly see why she thought boy and she pointed it out. 

I was happy at first but then and now I'm a little sad.  Even in denial a bit.  I have two boys already and lost my only daughter.  DH and I have been wanting a daughter even before we lost Isabelle.  I was so sure this baby was going to be a girl too.  Maybe I was hoping or wanting it too much.  I love this baby so much and I feel guilty that I'm a little sad.

This baby will be our last, DH limit is 3 boys so there is no way he would try again for a chance of getting another boy.  We both will be getting fixed after this baby is born.  So I kind of feel like I will never at this point (we might adopt in the future) get to have a mother/daughter relationship, buy cute dresses and do my daughter's hair.  It was so hard carrying Isabelle knowing I would just lose her and everything I would miss.  Now it feels like I'm losing an oppertunity all over again almost.  Gosh this emotions and feelings are so confusng after a loss.

Our offical ultrasound date is on April 11th so we will know for sure if the tech is right.  I want to hold out hope she was wrong but I kind of know deep down she is probably right.  I feel so bad for feeling like this, I love this baby so much whether boy or girl.  And I am just grateful this baby is healthy.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:15 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
gingerprincess
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:25 PM

I'm sorry :( I have two boys too, well now one, since we lost my son in February. I want a daughter very much, the psychic says I will get a girl. I hope so. I know I'd feel guilty if I was disappointed with the sex of the baby as bad as I want it. I can imagine how you're feeling.

sleepyfaeries4
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:29 PM
1 mom liked this
I felt the same way with my rainbow that was just born Feb 24th. I had mc last February then found out I was pregnant again june. I already had a 3 yr old son. My dr doesn't do anatomy scans til 20 weeks and I didn't want to wait that long so at 16 weeks I got a 3d ultrasound down the technology guessed boy, but admitted that the cord was in the way and his ankles were crossed. I wanted a girl so bad and when I got in the car after that us I cried bc it was another boy then I cried bc I felt so guilty, I had just lost a baby and as long as the baby was healthy it didn't matter what it was. I was already in love with it. I kept my hopes up bc of the cord and his ankles when we went at 20 weeks. It took almost 30 minutes of poking and proving to get baby to corporate but it was finally confirmed another boy I was a little disappointed but not as much since I already had it in my head boy. Now that he's here I couldn't imagine my life without him. I still want to try again for a girl but right now my fiancé says no more kids and everyone else keeps telling me it will just be another boy so why try. I am determined though :-)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momofcrazypants
by Leslie on Apr. 5, 2013 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry mama. I know you're going to love little bean no matter what but I can see wanting a girl and having the experiences you're talking about. Maybe it was just the hand or the cord. Maybe??? Well either way, at least little one is healthy and I'm so glad it was just a pulled muscle. (hugs)

Happy_Mcboobs
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 3:42 PM

This is my biggest fear of trying for a rainbow. Gender disappointment. :( 

I've never been one to care which gender... I was sure #4 was a boy--the tech had told us it was a girl except she did it in such a way she hadn't even bothered to really look, she just saw that we already had three--so she sort of sighed "well, it's a girl, 90% sure"....after that, my baby was breech up until 36 weeks and that point--well, I just wanted to make sure my baby turned to have a normal delivery so when she turned...I went into labor to finally know that it was a girl! I was happy though. 

With #5--I was too afraid to know the gender. I told my husband I'd rather it be a surprise because at the birth I'd have a healthy baby in my arms and I wouldn't care whether boy or girl. I wanted a boy with all my heart and I was secretly doing all those wives tales which were all pointing toward boy. I even felt different...So I had my hopes up....and it was a boy....

Which makes my loss so hard because now I am so afraid I won't ever have another boy! :( I just don't think I could take it to have another girl after losing a boy! :(

mdawn028
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Awww so sweet congrats u are blessed mama. Very sorry for your loss of your baby girl u never know my friend went in they said baby was a boy then she found out she was having a girl the next ultrasound visit now she has a healthy beautiful girl 2 altogether to be exact.Her hubby really wanted a boy it was funnyshe got a girl like she wanted he is a joyful happy daddy now.I would have been pleased for either but I wouldn't mind having a girl since I already have a 21 yr. Old stepson.Maybe when God blesses me with my rainbow baby I will get a girl but either is fine as long as they are healthy congrats to u again.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:12 PM

 Thats how I felt. 

Quoting Happy_Mcboobs:

This is my biggest fear of trying for a rainbow. Gender disappointment. :( 

I've never been one to care which gender... I was sure #4 was a boy--the tech had told us it was a girl except she did it in such a way she hadn't even bothered to really look, she just saw that we already had three--so she sort of sighed "well, it's a girl, 90% sure"....after that, my baby was breech up until 36 weeks and that point--well, I just wanted to make sure my baby turned to have a normal delivery so when she turned...I went into labor to finally know that it was a girl! I was happy though. 

With #5--I was too afraid to know the gender. I told my husband I'd rather it be a surprise because at the birth I'd have a healthy baby in my arms and I wouldn't care whether boy or girl. I wanted a boy with all my heart and I was secretly doing all those wives tales which were all pointing toward boy. I even felt different...So I had my hopes up....and it was a boy....

Which makes my loss so hard because now I am so afraid I won't ever have another boy! :( I just don't think I could take it to have another girl after losing a boy! :(


 

Angela4boys
by Angela on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:07 PM
Congrats! I think boys are wonderful, as are girls :) my only piece of advice is, "don't get fixed!" You aren't broken, nothing to fix. If hubby wants to, that's on him, but I wouldn't be supporting him or holding a bag of peas on is frank and beans.

People change, opinions change, priorities change...don't take away your choices.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Happy_Mcboobs
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:25 PM
1 mom liked this

haha! I love your comments--I find myself quoting them/replying them a lot it seems! I hope I don't look stalkerish? 

"Don't get fixed"----here is my opinion. For women, we will all hit menopause eventually....which means we will lose our fertility eventually....so it makes more sense to me for the guy to get the big snip when the couple is ready to say "no more babies please"....I mean, the women are more likely to hem & haw over it and be all, well, I'm done but babies are so cute & wonderful & yeah....so that's what I tell my hubby anyways. I have a very valid argument in my opinion. Eventually we will be infertile together! My hubby doesn't want to get the big snip....but I know so many moms who have brought their hubbies in for the deed....

I am giving my hubby until I turn 35....my mom actually had my brother at 42, so I am not opposed to having a baby when I'm 40....but...well...I don't know. :) 


Quoting Angela4boys:

Congrats! I think boys are wonderful, as are girls :) my only piece of advice is, "don't get fixed!" You aren't broken, nothing to fix. If hubby wants to, that's on him, but I wouldn't be supporting him or holding a bag of peas on is frank and beans.

People change, opinions change, priorities change...don't take away your choices.



mommyofnoah208
by Melissa on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I understand where you are coming from its hard. Pregnancies and babies bring so many strong emotions and its hard how little we have control over. Its ok to have these typesof feelings. We all know you love and want this baby so much, its not about not being happy for this baby,.its about being upset about a lost type of relationship. Very bittersweet. You never know though..wait til yoir next appt. Also you will have other girls in your life and your sons spouses and their kids...i know its not the same though. Thinking of you and praying for you to feel better with no more scares and that you will either get your girl to raise or your heart will feel peace about it.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
tts
by Tara on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry. I went through a lot of emotions when I had my fourth baby. I was hopeful for a boy, and had a girl. I didn't find out during the pregnancy, thinking then after birth I'd be fine with it either way.  It didn't work out that way for me. I think I struggled for 3 months after I had her.  It was a tough time.  So with baby #5, I decided to find out at 20 weeks so I could prepare my heart. I ended up having my little boy.  And I Never thought we'd have 5, and we left our options open and now he is 17 months, my sweet little miracle boy!  I say, if you can, maybe wait to make the "finilzed" decision.    Gender dissapointment is hard enough, even without a  loss, especially of the gender you were so hopeful for.     (((HUGS))) 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)