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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Confessions of a Grieving Mother

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 4:45 PM
  • 20 Replies
1 mom liked this

Ok, so I saw this done in another loss group that I found on facebook...

They have a special post just for "confessions"...It is pretty sad, heartwarming, emotional to read...interesting....

Everyone has a different story for their grief. Basically the confessions are apologies to our unborn babies for feeling like we didn't love them enough, deserve them enough, etc....or not apologies--but just things we woud like to say to our babies....things we may say at their urns or graves or anywhere when we think of them that no one else around hears....

I thought it would be "fun" to have a post for  that here. :) If anyone wants too....


by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 4:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Happy_Mcboobs
by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 4:48 PM

I am sorry Henry for that moment of weakness one night that I questioned whether I could survive another prengancy....I was having trouble sleeping....I was feeling anxious & afraid. I remembered those anxious feelings & how awful it was to be depressed during such a joyous time during your sister's pregnancy...I was afraid....I fear that God heard me & whisked you away. I know that isn't true but I can't help but think that in my grief. I'm so sorry...you were always wanted...and I would have suffered thru the anxious emotnions for a thousand years just to hold you in my arms! 

Cal2006
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 4:57 PM
2 moms liked this

 Callie, I'm sorry that I couldn't hold on to you. I'm sorry that I couldn't see your body after you passed on to heaven. But I know that you know that I love you and that I very much wanted to see you grow in this world.  For my other angels, I don't want you to think that because we didn't give you a name that we didn't love you. I am sure that Jesus is taking good care of you, and has given you a name that fits you better than your father or I could have. For all my angels...I can't wait to meet you one day. Hopefully you can guide me from heaven, as I would have guided you in this life. I miss you.

lfcmommy
by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 6:29 PM

To my dearest Monday,

Im sorry i didn't try to fight more to get better care for us, Im sorry that i just threw in the towel.  I just didn't see how i could change anything, and in reality it probablly would not have made a difference.  That one night when i was just so overwhelmingly emotional and I told your daddy i didn't want to be pregnant anymore, its not cause i didn't want you, i wanted and still want you more than anything.  I just didn't know pregnancy was so hard.  I know you died somewhere around the time i said that, and im sure you didn't die because of that, but it weighs heavily on my heart! I love you and wish you were still in my belly.  Im sorry if it was my fault you died, i didnt know..I can't wait to meet you, give my saviour Jesus a big hug for me!

uriahadel
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 7:33 PM
To my precious baby,

I never got a chance to name you. Your life ended as soon as it began. I knew only two days before losing you and I blame myself. I tried sooo hard to have you but then when I thought the test was negative, I was so frustrated and told myself I was going to take a break from trying to have a baby, and not knowing you were really in there I started taking one of my prescription pills again, and although I just took it one time that day until I realized the test was positive and you were in there, but by then I feel like it was too late. I don't know what caused me to lose you but I feel that it is my fault and that I killed you. I am so sorry! If I could change my actions and bring you back, I would in a heartbeat. My heart is hurting for you. I love you soooo much even though I never met you! You will always be my baby and you will always be in my heart! I love you my sweet baby and I miss you like crazy!!!!
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mommyofnoah208
by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 8:00 PM
To Luke, I am sorry that my body allowed this to happen to you and I wasn't able to protect you. I wanted you and love you more than life itself and miss you at every moment. I am sorry I was so selfish and unknowing when I delivered you and didn't spend precious time holding you, my heart was shattered and my mind could not comprehend how this could be happening..i regret that everyday and you deserved to have that. Just know that you will always be my son, our family and our missing piece. You are forever part of me and part of me is always with you. I love and miss you.
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Mommytoaangel
by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 8:09 PM
To my little dudes Joe an ethan mommy is sorry ur not here i feel if i fought harder u would be here god gave us a double blessing an then u were gone at 16wks 05dys i miss u soo much say hi to ur older sibling my heart aches each day cause i feel like mommy could have maybe did more to keep u in till mommy got to 28wks an they could have put u in the nicu an saved u my little gaters an mommys heart will never be the same my 3 little angels till we meet again my angels later gaters mommy an daddy an grandpa an grandma an ur uncles n auntie miss u soo much an we luv u 4 ever
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chicaespana2003
by Steph on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:10 AM

Gabriel/Gabriella,

I'm sorry I didn't know you were there. I had no idea I was carrying you. My focus was caring for your big sister. My energy was being used for her, and you- but it seems that your sister demanded more. If I had known you were there earlier, I would have tried to make the changes I needed to do so that you could have survived. I'm sorry I had no emotions for you when I found out you were no longer there. I'm sorry I felt like a heartless person with no emotions. I didn't know how to feel. I wish I could have known who you were. I feel horrible that I flushed you down the toliet- but I didn't know what to do. You deserve a better grave than the watery one you were given.

Claude/Claudia,

I tried, I tried so hard to save you as soon as I found out you were there. I want to blame the birth control I was on, or someone/something else during the switch. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, it wasn't your fault, mommy had other things going on at the same time that was much more serious. I feel so bad that I couldn't save you, that I couldn't get to know who you were. I'm sorry they had to take you away from me. Daddy needed me to be here to care for your big sis. Daddy would have gone nuts if something were to have happened to mommy. I'm sorry... that all I can say, I'm sorry. I would have welcomed you with open arms. I know that keeping you would have made my own survival compromized. Please play nicely with "G" and watch over us all.

My babies, I know that you are in better hands and that you are with my grandparents, Mutti, Granddad, Grandma and Grandpa. I love you all, and I wish I could have been and had done better for you all. Frances Madelene is your cousin and she will love having her cousins with her.

Mommy misses both of you very much, and I love you both. I can never forget you angels. I'm sorry my babies that I didn't know.

All my love!

Happy_Mcboobs
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 9:29 AM

Hugs! My mom told me the details of her miscarraige before me when I had my loss...she was shopping in JCPenney and was only 6 weeks along when it happened---she had no other choice but to flush the baby down the toilet there in a public bathroom. It was quite sad to hear & sadder still to think of, but I think that happens all too often with miscarraige....some don't even know....and than those who do.... it's all to normal in circumstances such as these. Doesn't make it any easier....hugs! :) 


Quoting chicaespana2003:

Gabriel/Gabriella,

I'm sorry I didn't know you were there. I had no idea I was carrying you. My focus was caring for your big sister. My energy was being used for her, and you- but it seems that your sister demanded more. If I had known you were there earlier, I would have tried to make the changes I needed to do so that you could have survived. I'm sorry I had no emotions for you when I found out you were no longer there. I'm sorry I felt like a heartless person with no emotions. I didn't know how to feel. I wish I could have known who you were. I feel horrible that I flushed you down the toliet- but I didn't know what to do. You deserve a better grave than the watery one you were given.


DancerGirlie
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 10:56 AM

To my precious baby Caleb,

I never got a change to feel you move. I never got a chance to rub my growing belly that held you inside. Your life ended so soon.  I really don't know why I lost you, but most of the time I can't help but feel like it was my fault.  I want you to know that I love you so much and want you down here with me more than anything.  You will always have a special place in my heart. You will always be your daddy and I's first son, our first member of our little family, and you will always, always be a missing piece. There will never be a day where I don't think about you, and wonder what you would have been like. I know Jesus is taking good care of you in heaven. Watch over me my little guardian angel. I can't wait to meet you one day. You were simply too perfect for this world. 

I love you with all my heart!

~Mommy

KaTrina8187
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 11:10 AM

To my littlest Peanut...

I'm so sorry that you're gone, and I'm so sorry I didn't know that I needed a shot because our incompatible blood types... I'm also so sorry that I've told your little brother "You're my most favorite little baby ever".. I caught myself. You're gone but not fogotten.  The thing I'm most sorry for?  I'm so sorry that I delivered you in a toilet, that I didn't know what to do, that I saw your little body, and screamed and cried, and that I freaked out so bad and had no idea how to react, that mommy and daddy flushed you.  If I could take just one thing back, it would be that.  I would have picked you up, and I would have laid you to rest in a much better place.  I'm so so very sorry baby... I miss you so very much, and I love you a million times more than what I could ever express...

Love,

Mommy

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