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kinda long..think i just had a melt down...or something..

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:39 AM
  • 10 Replies
Tomorrow makes 5 weeks since our loss. I was around 6 weeks. My SO was away working and had left 4 days before i found out we were expecting our first baby together After 6 years of trying. (We have an almost 3 yo son, not his biological son, that's a whole different story. He's an awesome dad to him.) Anyway,I told him about the baby. We were happy as can be then 5 days later i started bleeding... i went through everything by myself.. drove myself to the Dr, even cried for him wishing he was with me. But i knew he couldn't come home. I know God helped me through everything. Then 4 weeks later he comes home. He doesn't open up much about anything and with our son being happy daddy was home I knew we couldn't talk much right away. But its almost been a week since he came home and still nothing. Not even an are you okay. Nothing. Finally i started thinking about everything and about the baby. So i start crying. He still doesn't ask what's wrong!!! I know he's a dude but geez!!!! I have to tell him what he's doing wrong! Its like I'm talking to the wall. So finally he trys to hug me But by that time I'm just wanting to be alone. So i send him to the couch. Since I'm used to him being away working it feels the same as him being gone. I'm not really sure if there is any advice anyone can give me since nothing seems to be getting through to him. He's a good guy just clueless on the emotional stuff. I guess i really just needed to vent. Please just remember us when you pray. Thanks
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by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KaTrina8187
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:45 AM

(((HUGS)))

Firstly, I'm so very very very sorry for your loss.  It's  hard, and I couldn't even imagine going through it alone.

Second, I however can imagine having a SO that doesn't show emotion... My DH doesn't really show emotions either.  It's tough!  But please remember, that he is probably mourning as well, but in a different way.  Don't send him to the couch, he might need to be comforted too... Use this experience to grow closer to your SO.  Something you two can bond over, and grow closer together because of...

You can get through this, take your time, but remember, there will be a time that he will need you too.

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

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OkWolfe
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:54 AM
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Yea i think I'll go get him. I just needed some time alone. It just drives me nuts how clueless he is!!! If he really knew me he'd know i really don't want him on the couch. Lol


Quoting KaTrina8187:

(((HUGS)))

Firstly, I'm so very very very sorry for your loss.  It's  hard, and I couldn't even imagine going through it alone.

Second, I however can imagine having a SO that doesn't show emotion... My DH doesn't really show emotions either.  It's tough!  But please remember, that he is probably mourning as well, but in a different way.  Don't send him to the couch, he might need to be comforted too... Use this experience to grow closer to your SO.  Something you two can bond over, and grow closer together because of...

You can get through this, take your time, but remember, there will be a time that he will need you too.

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.


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Devious103102
by Priscilla on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:33 AM

(((hugs))) It probably just isn't effecting him the same it is for you. For one some guys don't get as... "attached" so early on because, for them, there's not really much to be attached too, they haven't seen the baby so it still isn't "real" to them that this is happening.  Plus him being away for all of it, and he probably just doesn't know what to say/do for you or how to mentally put any of this together. Lots of good thoughts. 

Angela4boys
by Angela on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:07 AM

I'm sorry.  It is just really hard to go through a loss, especially since you are right, "dudes" just don't understand ;)  They may think they do, but they can't fully.  After my second loss, I had almost no emotion, it was almost like it was a relief when it happened because I knew it was coming...but right around the one month mark, holy heck the dam broke, and I mean really broke.  I had a major melt down.  Just know what you are feeling is normal.  I'd try to communicate as much as you can with Hubby, you don't want this driving a wedge between you two ((hugs))

Happy_Mcboobs
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:07 AM

Aw!! I'm sorry you had to go through that alone---I guess you don't have family nearby that could have helped since your hubby was gone??

Guys grieve differently. He probably wasn't emotionally connected yet because it was so early. Guys don't communicate as much as women do & they certainly don't communicate "feelings".....My husband doesn't talk about his feelings....it's been 6 weeks---and he cried right away & than he said nothing....he has been strong for me each night but he hasn't said anything...the 6 week mark--he finally said that it still hurts...and that it hurts to be at work because there isn't a safe place and people say stupid things....

It took him 6 weeks....and really, as long as he is cradling my head while I cry--I could care less about what is actually said because talking isn't going to help me--I just need to be held & I need to hold him! 

Anyways, you said you just needed to vent and that's what this group is here for! So, no advice from me...just a hug and an ear! :) 

Jcothrine
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:11 AM

sorry for your loss.. i hope that you and your husband grieve together and can move on from this...


JC

Namaste09
by Samantha on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:20 AM
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry for your loss.
Don't push him away he just doesn't understand what to say or do right now. Hold him close, talk to him an tell him how you are feeling.
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mommyofnoah208
by Melissa on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:25 AM
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Thinking of you. I am so sorry for your loss.talk and stay open you both need eachother
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cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:24 AM

((hugs) I am sorry for your loss hun.  

november1813
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 6:00 AM

hugs

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