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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Miscarriage-Loss, Pain and Suffering

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:07 PM
  • 12 Replies

I found out 3 weeks ago, I was 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. Saw a little heart beat and everything. What a MIRACLE that was as I am 35 and it was our first time trying.  My Husband actually flew to visit me in Israel where I was visitng a friend, on his way home from a business trip. We spent three lovely days together and I got pregnant. It was actually funny, he kept saying he wanted to come there and get me pregnant in the Holy Land. We didnt think it would really happen though. I mean, first time trying and in 3 days...crazy. 

That said, a week later, I found out my Father had died. We never had a good relationship. Actually we had quite the unhealthy relationship. Yet it broke my heart that he died not wanting to know me. Not wanting to ever have tried to mend our relationship. So I find out he died, alone in his home, found when the police broke through a window after a friend he had plans with said he didnt respond for days. 

I identified the body. I planned the funeral. And I thought to myself, "God took his life but is giving me this baby to make the relationship I never was going to have with my Father".

The funeral was Wednesday.

Thursday there was blood. By Friday it was not stopping. And after visiting the doctors office I learned there was no longer a heart beat and that my luxurious options were to have a Natural Miscarriage or a D & C.

I chose Natural. So I sit in my home as I write this, bleeding and saying goodbye to this...this heartbeat. A heart beat and all the plans I made for this life that was coming to me instead of leaving. And I feel so lonely and scared. Is my body not good enough? Did I take too much on? Was this my chance? If I am blessed to ever carry a baby, will I be able to enjoy the pregnancy or will it just be full of paralyzing fear? 

Physically I feel shooting pains in my stomach. I almost welcome them to let me know this all really happened and is not just a nightmare. I had said to my Husband that you only get what you can stand but this, THIS IS TOO MUCH. And I would give anything to lay in bed and wake up to a different life. Unrealistic, I know. But this experience has completely changed me. I feel so broken. 

We dont have any children. This gift that felt like the biggest blessing has left me feeling like I am living the biggest nightmare. Only 8 weeks and my heart hurts this much. It was nothing. Minisucle. But that heartbeat...there was something inside of me that we created and now its gone. I dont know where to start, to heal.

by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
OkWolfe
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:43 PM
Pray!! That's all we really can do. It helped me so much to turn to God. He gives me strength to get through the day. I'm so sorry for your loss. We are here for you. This is an amazing group. I'll be praying for you and the ladies in this group also.
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Mommy4Clara
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm so sorry you are hurting. This is a great group -- we share stories to help each other heal....

I had a D&C yesterday.... My second in 5 months. With both losses, I wanted so badly to miscarry naturally.
My first loss was in Nov. and I was 12 weeks. My baby was perfectly sized and formed. It had a heartbeat at 6.5 weeks, but the 12 week u/s showed the heart had stopped a day or two earlier.... I had no signs of miscarriage and my OB said she would give me 2 weeks to try for a natural miscarriage, but it didn't happen, so I had to have the D&C.
I got pregnant again in Feb. I thought this was my rainbow baby. We conceived in Hawaii and we felt so blessed to have a new pregnancy. However, on Wednesday, at 9.5 weeks pregnant, we learned it was a partial molar (meaning 2 sperm fertilized one egg), so the tissue was forming tumors instead if a baby. My doctor said I needed surgery right away, so I had another D&C yesterday. I now have to be tested for cancer every month for a year....
I'm 33, so like you, feel like I am running out of time. It is very difficult, and very painful, but I have faith I will have a healthy baby in the future.
Hang in there. Give yourself time to grieve. It might have only been 8 weeks, but you loved your little one and you always will.... (((Hugs to you)))
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Herlache
by Jessie on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:13 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry for your loss! It doesn't matter how long we have a lil one inside us we fall in love. I hope you physically heal fast. Emotionally will take some time alot of time. Just know we are here for you if you need us. ((hugs))
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Angela4boys
by Angela on Apr. 21, 2013 at 9:05 AM

I am so sorry for your loss :( Losing a baby is a pain unlike any other, and nobody understands unless they have been through it.  (((hugs))) 

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this
Hugs honey. I know it doesn't matter what anyone says, but know this isn't your fault, you couldn't have prevent it. Hugs and I am sorry
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Raeann11
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:35 AM

I am sorry of you loss and Angela is so right. I had a miscarriage with my first. I always had that worry I would never be able to have children. When that happened. I worried a bit more. All your feelings you are having are normal.

HUGS

Quoting Angela4boys:

I am so sorry for your loss :( Losing a baby is a pain unlike any other, and nobody understands unless they have been through it.  (((hugs))) 


Happy_Mcboobs
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh wow. I'm so sorry...it seems like we all have created life in a special place & yet "lost" that special present as well... :( 

I'm sorry about your father & your baby. It's hard to lose someone who you had an unhealthy relationship with. My dad died when I was 19. I didn't have a close relationship with him mostly due to my mom. I don't resent my mom for that--deep down I probably have a little resentment but mostly I don't. I just feel sad that I didn't get to mend it with my dad before he left this earth. 

I lost my 5th baby in March at 19 weeks. Immediately I felt like I gave my dad a grandson in Heaven. I would always wonder about how he would be such a great granddad here to my other four children! And yet, now he's met one of my kids! And so do some other grandparents up there that have gone to Heaven. It's probably an all out dual for the rights to hold my precious baby boy! 

Don't give up hope! I felt like laying in bed and wanting to pinch myself to wake up. I actually did lay in bed for a week mostly because I am anemic--I hemmoraged & could have died giving birth naturally to my baby loss....and I have paralyzing fear of another pregnancy as well. Mostly due to the fact that I was on death's door so to speak during my loss... :( I need to be here for my other kids. But I love babies and I really want another baby! 

chloe255
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:39 AM
Hi mommy, I read your quoting and sorry to hear about the pregnacy..I have Q. I had an D n C in july 13,12 I start ttc two months after the D n C and no lucky I want to know is that's normal trying that long after an D n C?


Quoting Mommy4Clara:

I'm so sorry you are hurting. This is a great group -- we share stories to help each other heal....



I had a D&C yesterday.... My second in 5 months. With both losses, I wanted so badly to miscarry naturally.

My first loss was in Nov. and I was 12 weeks. My baby was perfectly sized and formed. It had a heartbeat at 6.5 weeks, but the 12 week u/s showed the heart had stopped a day or two earlier.... I had no signs of miscarriage and my OB said she would give me 2 weeks to try for a natural miscarriage, but it didn't happen, so I had to have the D&C.

I got pregnant again in Feb. I thought this was my rainbow baby. We conceived in Hawaii and we felt so blessed to have a new pregnancy. However, on Wednesday, at 9.5 weeks pregnant, we learned it was a partial molar (meaning 2 sperm fertilized one egg), so the tissue was forming tumors instead if a baby. My doctor said I needed surgery right away, so I had another D&C yesterday. I now have to be tested for cancer every month for a year....

I'm 33, so like you, feel like I am running out of time. It is very difficult, and very painful, but I have faith I will have a healthy baby in the future.

Hang in there. Give yourself time to grieve. It might have only been 8 weeks, but you loved your little one and you always will.... (((Hugs to you)))

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Mommy4Clara
by Bronze Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:13 PM
Most doctors suggest 3 cycles, mostly for emotional healing. However, I have a high-risk OB and he said there was nothing medically wrong with me and I could TTC one full cycle after the D&C. It might take a while to get pregnant b/c your hormones are off after a loss. Are you charting? You might want to see if you are ovulating regularly.... I never have a hard time getting pregnant, it's just keeping a pregnancy that seems to be my trouble now... I have to wait at least 6 months to a year after having a molar pregnancy, but before we learned it was a molar, my OB said to wait 2 cycles....
Quoting chloe255:

Hi mommy, I read your quoting and sorry to hear about the pregnacy..I have Q. I had an D n C in july 13,12 I start ttc two months after the D n C and no lucky I want to know is that's normal trying that long after an D n C?


Quoting Mommy4Clara:

I'm so sorry you are hurting. This is a great group -- we share stories to help each other heal....



I had a D&C yesterday.... My second in 5 months. With both losses, I wanted so badly to miscarry naturally.

My first loss was in Nov. and I was 12 weeks. My baby was perfectly sized and formed. It had a heartbeat at 6.5 weeks, but the 12 week u/s showed the heart had stopped a day or two earlier.... I had no signs of miscarriage and my OB said she would give me 2 weeks to try for a natural miscarriage, but it didn't happen, so I had to have the D&C.

I got pregnant again in Feb. I thought this was my rainbow baby. We conceived in Hawaii and we felt so blessed to have a new pregnancy. However, on Wednesday, at 9.5 weeks pregnant, we learned it was a partial molar (meaning 2 sperm fertilized one egg), so the tissue was forming tumors instead if a baby. My doctor said I needed surgery right away, so I had another D&C yesterday. I now have to be tested for cancer every month for a year....

I'm 33, so like you, feel like I am running out of time. It is very difficult, and very painful, but I have faith I will have a healthy baby in the future.

Hang in there. Give yourself time to grieve. It might have only been 8 weeks, but you loved your little one and you always will.... (((Hugs to you)))


chloe255
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 5:46 PM
I've been trying for 8 month and I do understand that it take time . But since I had a d&c and a camera going into my belly my mind is telling me that the dr tied my tube or something went bad having a d&c and my body is playing game with me got me thinking that I'm pregnant I'm also having bad cramping pain it feel like I'm having a miscarriage.....I never had any problem getting pregnant since I had the d&c


Quoting chloe255:

Hi mommy, I read your quoting and sorry to hear about the pregnacy..I have Q. I had an D n C in july 13,12 I start ttc two months after the D n C and no lucky I want to know is that's normal trying that long after an D n C?




Quoting Mommy4Clara:

I'm so sorry you are hurting. This is a great group -- we share stories to help each other heal....





I had a D&C yesterday.... My second in 5 months. With both losses, I wanted so badly to miscarry naturally.


My first loss was in Nov. and I was 12 weeks. My baby was perfectly sized and formed. It had a heartbeat at 6.5 weeks, but the 12 week u/s showed the heart had stopped a day or two earlier.... I had no signs of miscarriage and my OB said she would give me 2 weeks to try for a natural miscarriage, but it didn't happen, so I had to have the D&C.


I got pregnant again in Feb. I thought this was my rainbow baby. We conceived in Hawaii and we felt so blessed to have a new pregnancy. However, on Wednesday, at 9.5 weeks pregnant, we learned it was a partial molar (meaning 2 sperm fertilized one egg), so the tissue was forming tumors instead if a baby. My doctor said I needed surgery right away, so I had another D&C yesterday. I now have to be tested for cancer every month for a year....


I'm 33, so like you, feel like I am running out of time. It is very difficult, and very painful, but I have faith I will have a healthy baby in the future.


Hang in there. Give yourself time to grieve. It might have only been 8 weeks, but you loved your little one and you always will.... (((Hugs to you)))


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