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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Do I tell my 7.5 yr old about m/c and how?

Posted by on May. 11, 2013 at 2:16 PM
  • 14 Replies

dh says there is nothing to say to her as she knows nothing about how long a pg takes. he is talking about trying again (I honestly do not think I want to try again). She knows I've been bleeding and in bed but nothing more. She's a very intuitive kid but i don't want to upset her. I don't know if she really "grasped" the pregnancy. When we first told her, she was excited and told a few people she's going to be a big sis. When i started feeling like it was going bad, I stopped talking to her about it. Should I say anything to her? We are not religious, so it won't be anything like the baby is an angel in heaven. Thank you guys.

by on May. 11, 2013 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jessica11r
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2013 at 3:34 PM
I think 7.5 is old enough to understand at least a little bit. I would tell her the baby is no longer in your belly. Something like that. You don't need to go into details but it would probably be better than her wondering when the baby is going to be born.
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jessica11r
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2013 at 3:34 PM
And I'm sorry for your loss.
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Herlache
by Jessie on May. 11, 2013 at 3:39 PM
I'm sorry for your loss! We told our 6 yr old dd she had come with me to my ultrasound when there was no heartbeat. She understands she was sad but understands.
EAzizM
by Erica on May. 11, 2013 at 3:41 PM
When my mom lost her last one, my sister was 4. My mom was 20 weeks so we had to explain to my sister the situation. She cried for a bit then asked a few questions.
Your daughter can handle it as long as you are forward with her. Good luck.
When I had my miscarriage my sister told me "you'll have a baby, i know it". she turns 7 on the 19th.
chchchangez
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:48 PM

Thanks for your kind words. She is pretty inquisitive and will want some kind of detail. I will be gently honest with her.

tts
by Tara on May. 11, 2013 at 4:35 PM

I told my kids.. and they still consider the babies we lost as part of our family.  Its almost as much of a loss for them as it is for us.  

Happy_Mcboobs
by on May. 11, 2013 at 4:51 PM

If she told a few people she would be a big sister--than you definitely need to tell her that the baby is not coming any longer. That is a tough spot to have to tell her that the baby is gone without being able to explain that the baby is in Heaven.....good luck....

My kids all think of our loss as their baby brother. They are free to talk about him & often they mention his name & send kisses to the clouds & draw pictures. I like that they will mention him. My dd picked a bouquet of wildflowers that we could visit his grave. I was 19 weeks though....and had a gender....

DelilahsMom4108
by on May. 11, 2013 at 7:36 PM
We told our kids (3 and 4 at the time) that we were pregnant, they understood, then we told them that that baby's heart was broken and couldn't be born with a broken heart so we were gonna wait for another better with a super strong heart.
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iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on May. 11, 2013 at 7:52 PM
Hugs! I told my kids. They were 5 and 6 at the time. We told them simply that the doctor said the baby was not growing and the baby was not big enough to be born. We also used a pregnancy book that showed a baby at each gestational stage and showed how big a 9week baby truely is compared to a full term baby. We also had a 19week loss... And we used the same words. We are also religious and chose to help ease the passing that way too. As for just not telling her...I would worry that she would continue to tell people and you might have to explain to them (think a teacher, the lady who always checks you out at the grocery store) and I think that would hurt you. I also think it would be diff if you knew you were gonna get preg the first time ttc, but what if it takes a tiny bit longer?? I just think you are gonna be fragile enough without that possibility. Also, kids can say some hurtful things without meaning to anyway. My stepson names all his stuffed animals after my daughter and my son wanted to buy things for a baby that was just gone. Back to explaining loss to kids, I also have found that by saying "the baby didn't grow" it was easy to introduce a new pregnancy into my kids lives. I had a lot of ultrasounds and my sons watched the new baby grow bigger on each ultrasound-so it was proof things were ok to them. Hope that helps, and I'm sorry for your loss.

Quoting chchchangez:

Thanks for your kind words. She is pretty inquisitive and will want some kind of detail. I will be gently honest with her.

momofcrazypants
by Leslie on May. 11, 2013 at 8:16 PM

I think it depends on the child. I told my kids, but they already knew we were expecting since I lost at 16w. My mom miscarried when I was very young, 4 or 5 years old. She didn't tell us at the time what was going on but we did find out several years later.

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