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Another Goodbye *update*

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:40 AM
  • 16 Replies
Yesterday I found out I lost my baby, again. This is number 3 in 13 months. I just don't understand. I lost the first 2 at 13 weeks and we found out I had clotting disorders so I've been on treatments and I lose this baby at 8 weeks!!! Why? Why won't my body work?! I have 2 beautiful children that came no problem and now my body fails me over and over again.
The baby is still with me. I have to wait. Wait for it to happen. Wait for the blood thinners to clear my system. Waiting for another terrible day.
I don't think I can do this anymore, I am a bitter shell of a women. I used to love being pregnant, now all I can picture is when I will lose the baby.
I'm broken. I'm running out of pieces of my heart to lose.


Update
I've stopped crying and just become numb. It's hard doing this at home with my children and husband not understanding I'm not me right now. I decided to take cytotec and move things along. I've been bleeding all night. I can feel what I believe is the baby in my cervix it just hasn't passed through yet. Sorry for the TMI
I think I've decided on a name and I plan on burying "him" by his sister at the cemetery (they have a special section for miscarriages)
I really feel like my heart has just shriveled up. Just empty

Thank you all for your kind words, it's hard to find support IRL because I really think everyone in my life is like "again, what do I say now?" So they just don't say anything
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
EAzizM
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:41 AM
I am so sorry for your losses hun. HUGS.
blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on May. 24, 2013 at 10:58 AM

I'm so sorry you had to go through another loss.  *hugs*

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 12:02 PM
Hugs I am so sorry honey. We will be thinking of you
Happy_Mcboobs
by on May. 24, 2013 at 12:11 PM

I used to love being pregnant too. I was never one to ever complain! I loved every second! I missed being pregnant even though I had this tiny newborn to love & was happy with being the one "holding the baby"--I would always say, can I just be pregnant without the end result? Just have that big tight belly with kicks? 

It's forever changed me to lose though. (19 weeks). I will never find that much joy in a pregnancy & it makes me say never again. I just don't want to do it if I can't find joy in it. The baby is worth it in the end...but babies grow up & become kids, & teens & adults...babies are amazing! And so are kids--but there is something about babies! :) 

jenb52
by on May. 24, 2013 at 12:56 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers.
hope188
by Member on May. 24, 2013 at 2:40 PM
Im so sorry for u loss *Hugs*
peachyisthelife
by Member on May. 25, 2013 at 8:46 AM

I can't imagine 3 losses, I am so so sorry you have to go through so much heartbreak.  I imagine it's very hard to try being pg again after going through that.  I don't have experience with that but maybe others here do?  Maybe it helps to take a break?  I don't know.  I"m praying for peace for your family, I'm so sorry (((hugs)))

Angela4boys
by on May. 25, 2013 at 9:05 AM

I am sorry :(  I'm kinda in your same situation...I have 5 kids on earth, never had a loss, then last June I lost my baby at 16 weeks, January lost another at 9 weeks, and March at 4 weeks, same day I got my BFP.    It's shocking, just all of the sudden to be broken.  I have said after each one, I can't do this again, but, I know that it's worth fighting for.  We're here for you.  I'm so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

momofcrazypants
by on May. 25, 2013 at 9:43 AM

I'm so very sorry. The waiting is hard. (hugs)

jae414
by Bronze Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:32 AM
Oh, hugs hun! Sorry you have to deal with another loss.
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