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In September 2011, a week before my birthday i found out that we were expecting baby #5. Although she was not planned we were thrilled, Our kids were especially excited! Everything went smoothly and i only suffered with acid reflux but that was normal for me. I felt like out of all 5 this was the easiest pregnancy! My EDD was May 28th. On May 26th (Saturday) i went to my sisters outside graduation and it was really hot that day but i made sure to bring lots of snacks and waters. On May 27th (Sunday) we drove to my sisters house for her graduation party. We weren't there for too long before i started to get really dizzy and i just didn't feel good. I called my midwife and told her that i thought i may be dehydrated. So i left the party and went to the hospital to check things out. It was around 7pm that we were there and they had me on the monitors and i forced down lots of fluids. Ella was great on the monitors, very active still. I was sent home and i went to bed shortly after that. The next morning i wake up and it's my EDD!! Despite feeling crappy from the weekend i physically felt ok and i remember my FB status that day about how i felt like i could go another week and that was not normal for me, I'm usually miserable at that point! I went about my day and got alot done. I went to the laundromat and organized everything at home. The babys bassinet was ready and her car seat and hospital bag were by the door. That evening around 7 i put my girls to bed and finally laid down myself when i realized that Ella had not moved all day. There was a leg (i assume) that had been poking out my belly in the same exact spot all day. So i called my midwife and explained to her what was happening. She told me to go to the hospital. I hadn't told my hubby what had been going on because i didn't want to freak him out. So i told him i was driving myself to the hospital for an NST and i would be home after. It wasn't until i was almost to the hospital that i started to really worry. I get checked in and up to the monitoring room and settle in. Then my nurse comes in (who looked about 8 months pregnant herself) to hook up the monitors. As soon as she hooked it up there was nothing there. She told me not to worry cause sometimes they are hiding. I knew that wasn't normal at 40wks!!! She searched and searched and there was nothing. At this point I'm calling my hubby freaking out, telling him to get there fast. At this point I'm still holding onto hope that maybe things were ok, there had to be somesome explanation. Soon the small room we were in was filled with people, my midwife arrived first then the doctor. They brought in ultrasound machine and the room went silent. I was staring at the screen when he said the most horrible thing I've ever heard. "I'm sorry, i have bad news..." Then hepointed to the screen and don't remember much except throwing up allot and feeling like i couldn't breathe. I just wanted to die. I was them brought back to a labor room and we started the induction. I was given cervadil overnight and in the morning i was started on pitocin. That afternoon my sweet baby Ella was born sleeping. She was 9lbs 3oz and 21 inches. She was baptized shortly after. Our family filled the small labor room and we all got to hold her and kiss her. She was perfect. She looked just like her big sister Sofie! Around 930pm we said our goodbyes and the nurses wheeled her away.

To this day I'm still so hurt and confused because we will never know why. Why did her heart just stop?? She was perfect just 24 hours before!! The hardest part is not having an explanation :/
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 4:22 PM
Replies (21-27):
by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 8:16 PM
She is so beautiful. I'm so sorry. Praying for you
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 12:29 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express how we all feel when reading your post. She is a beautiful baby.
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 3:27 AM

I am so very sorry for the loss you and your family have had to endure. Ella is beautiful!!

by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 8:21 PM
Oh gosh, your story breaks my heart. Having no real answer is really unsettling, I'm so sorry :(. I was reading after my loss, a theory (who knows right?) that some losses may be SIDS in the womb. I have wondered about that in my own case. I am so sorry for your loss. Ella is beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story with us :)
by Tara on Jun. 12, 2013 at 9:16 PM

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter.

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:45 AM

My heart breaks for your loss.  Reading this brought me to tears.  I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:53 AM
Thank you everyone for your kind words! I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. This experience has shaken my beliefs for sure, as a mother i want answers that i know I'll never get. I am blessed to have 4 beautiful children at home and we will always keep her memory alive <3
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