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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

How do I know I'm making the right choice?

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 11:58 AM
  • 13 Replies

I had my miscarriage last Sept. Before the mc, I was ready and wanted another baby. Then losing the baby made me reconsider everything I thought I knew.

Now here we are, just a few weeks past what would have been my due date and dh is talking about ttc again. But now, I just don't know if I'm ready to have another child. Ds is 5 1/2, getting ready to start k in the fall and I'm ready to have some freedom and get back to being ME again. 

Dh and I always said that we would have at least 2 children because we both grew up being an only child and feel we missed out on something. I DO want to have another child but I just don't know if I'm ready to start all over again. I go back and forth with this decision daily..one minute I'm like you know what, this is what I want. This will make our family complete and we will all be so happy to have another child in our family. Then an hour later I feel like NO, I am not ready. Our little family is perfect right now. Ds is a great kid, we have our routine down, we can go out and do things that we couldn't when he was smaller and it's easy. Adding another child will make things hard and complicated again.

But I want a baby SO bad at the same time. As you can tell from my post...I am SERIOUSLY confused. I've been going back and forth for months and just don't know what to do. Part of me feels like maybe the mc was a sign that we shouldn't do this, that we're not ready. But I just don't know.....

:-(

by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 11:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
michellej428
by Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 12:11 PM
And it doesn't help that ds is asking me daily when he will have his baby sister....it kills me
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blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jun. 11, 2013 at 12:47 PM

*hugs*  I think it is normal to go back and forth.  I did too for awhile.  Then I realized that I needed to stop letting fear control me and decide if I really wanted to try again or if I was just scared of going through all the pain again.  I decided to ttc again and that came with new up and down emotions as well.  It is almost like an never ending cycle. 

Just try and weigh the pros and cons without the fear getting in the way.  I always say I was an only child even though I had older siblings from my dad that were 14,12 and 6 yrs older than me but I lived with my mom.  So something to think about as well, if you want to try again then when and how far apart do you want your kids to be.

chicaespana2003
by Steph on Jun. 11, 2013 at 12:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I can understand you changing your mind, despite not being in your shoes exactly. While you have noted your hubby is ready to ttc once again, and you are on the fence, perhaps you need some time to let your mind be free.

You could compromise with your hubby with not intentionally trying again- ie if you are on bc, stop taking it, and be cautious around ovulation time, but then if you are bc free, you could be more care free when dtd.

Yes, your son is making it a little harder asking for a little sibling (sister or brother being specific at this point is kinda hard...), but at least you know that he is very open to the idea of being a big brother.

I do not know this road you are on right now. I have a dd who will be 2 at the end of July, and we will not be ttc until sometime towards the end of next year. Concerns are always there, as well as fears- but they will be subsided at some point (not sure when, or where).

Be open with your dh, let him know your concerns.

Cal2006
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 1:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 For me, (at least lately) I pray. When I can't decide...I let God decide for me.

I don't have any kids, so that is  what propels me to keep trying despite all of my losses is the intense desire to not only be a mom....but to feel that baby grow inside of me. I so want to get past the 20 week mark, and feel every kick and turn. 

It sounds like there isn't a wrong choice. If you get pregnant and have another child, your schedule will be disrupted--but only momentarily. You'll have a little brother or sister for your son, you'll have your "complete family". BUT if you chose not to have another child, you get to keep your schedule and you still have your son and husband to give your full heart to.

While it is a decision that affects your whole family....it is YOUR decision. So if you don't think that you can do it again, please don't be pressured into it.

I pray that you find the decision that is right for you. I know that it is a tough one to make.

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 1:29 PM
Hugs, no advice, but I hope you find peace. GL honey
TheJs
by Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 5:15 PM

I've struggled with that too. We wanted 4 originally (We have 2 plus our  angel), but after the m/c i just don't think i can risk going through that again. I don't think i could go through a pregnancy and nto worry every second that somnethign is going to happen, and the stress wouldn't be good for the baby. Hubby left it up to me, and said he is fine either way.

Herlache
by Jessie on Jun. 11, 2013 at 5:26 PM
I know how you feel my dd is 6 and I have pcos so conceiving is hard for me I had weight loss surgery and lost alot of weight and out of the blue on bc I got pg. I was so scared pretty much starting over. Then I miscarried, I kind of had baby fever after that and tried again right away to my surprise I got pg again only to loose that one as well. Now I just don't know I really want another baby but I'm not sure if I really want to start over.
mommyofnoah208
by Melissa on Jun. 11, 2013 at 8:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I am sorry, praying for a decision and peace. Just take time
Angela4boys
by Angela on Jun. 11, 2013 at 9:11 PM
My feeling, and this is just me, not what I think is good for everyone... I will have plenty if me time one day... This is my fertile time, and I need to take advantage of this season of life...
michellej428
by Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 9:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank for your response. That is part of it too..ds is already 5 1/2 and we weren't planning on having them even that far apart. So if we are going to do it, we would prefer to do it sooner rather then later. (god willing)

Quoting blessedmommie07:

*hugs*  I think it is normal to go back and forth.  I did too for awhile.  Then I realized that I needed to stop letting fear control me and decide if I really wanted to try again or if I was just scared of going through all the pain again.  I decided to ttc again and that came with new up and down emotions as well.  It is almost like an never ending cycle. 

Just try and weigh the pros and cons without the fear getting in the way.  I always say I was an only child even though I had older siblings from my dad that were 14,12 and 6 yrs older than me but I lived with my mom.  So something to think about as well, if you want to try again then when and how far apart do you want your kids to be.


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