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1st miscarriage and depressed

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:12 AM
  • 9 Replies

hi, I have a question I'm 28, last month i miscarriage :(, I was 12 weeks but my embryo was 8 and had no heart beat and no movements at all, so my doctor told me it was a Missed abortion, i feel devastated I want a baby but my husband tells me we should wait at least 10 months so my womb heals and because I get tired so fast after this, I can't walk for long periods of time, is that ok? or something wrong is going on in my body?, I feel dizzy, with no energy, and my lower back hurts if I stay seated or if I stand up for long periods of time,  how long should we wait to get pregnant and is there any problem with my age to get pregnant? why does a missed miscarriage happen? what I did wrong? :'(

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:12 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Angela4boys
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:27 AM
1 mom liked this

If you aren't feeling like yourself, I'd at least go to the doctor, and get checked out.  Just have a blood panel done, get your thyroid checked, just stuff like that, so you know you are in tip top shape.  It may even be depression that is causing some of these things...only way to know is to see a doctor. 

The most recent research points to there not being a benefit to waiting to try to conceive.  In fact, a large study recently suggested women have the best pregnancy outcome when they conceive within 6 months of a loss (there are exceptions though, such as molar pregnancies).  It's best to talk to your doctor, and together with your doctor deciding what is best for you. 

(((hugs)))  I am so sorry for your loss.  Just know that there is nothing that you did wrong.  Unfortunately most early losses, can't be prevent, and usually there is no conclusions as to why it happens.  There are a variety of possiblities.  Not knowing is unsettling I know, we all tend to search for an answer...Just know that you can go on to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy and baby. 

acb4415
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:42 AM

So sorry for your loss... I am in the same boat, I don't know when I will feel like trying again. It has only been a few weeks since our loss, so I don't feel I am emotionally ready. But my DH said he will be ready when I am. My OB said I can try when I am ready.

chicaespana2003
by Steph on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:08 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Sometimes after you have a miscarriage, it may take time for the pregnancy hormone to leave your body. However, if you have felt dizzy, lethargic, and have had back pain prior to your pregnancy, perhaps you should see a dr like Angela4boys suggested.

You did nothing wrong, and we can't be sure what caused a miscarriage to happen. Like you, my baby measured about 8 wks when I lost it, and while I can't be sure what caused it, it may have been too much stress on my body to care for my then 8 month old daughter, and a growing baby- I didn't know I was preggers at the time.

The time frame your hubby gave you, may give you some time to grieve, but grieving takes time, and you will have good days and bad days, and you never know what the day will be.

You are still relatively young, I'm 28 as well, my mom had me when she was 34, and my baby bro when she was 38, my sister who is the oldest was born when my mom was 23, and my mom thinks she may have miscarried before my sister was born- but she never went to a dr's.

A miscarriage can happen to anyone at any time. Some women I've met or know have had several miscarriages, and then had a sucessful pregnancy, other's have had several sucessful pregnacies and then a miscarriage. The women who have had a number of miscarriages generally will have tests done after their third loss to see what may cause it. Most or some of the times it is something that can be "fixed" like an Rh factor, or a blood supply issue. Then there are times when their are no reasons why- which is the hardest to understand.

It is up to you to decide when you would like to try again, although I would suggest you talk to your hubby so that you are both on the same page, especially if you would like to have more than one child. Maybe, if you were start trying now, and had additional mc's you could get some answers- but this is not my decision.

If you have seen your dr, and they have given you the "green light" to go ahead and try again, feel free to start trying again. If your dr said wait 2-3 cycles before starting, you may go ahead and do that.

I understand that when you do start trying that when you get that BFP, you are going to have a mix of emotions, joy/ fear/ excitment/ worry- it is enevitable. Talk with your dr, or the nurses at the dr's office. Ask questions, see if they will permit you to be seen right away once you test positive, so that you can be sure that your Hcg and progesterone levels are where they need to be. Having a dr who is willing to work with you, will help ease your mind- although waiting for the results will be mind wracking.

What you decide to do, is again, up to you and your hubby. Please know that you will need to grieve, and possibly grieving while preggers might be hard, but I have friends who have done it, and there are ladies here who are living it.

I know that what I've written, might not help, but I hope that you and your hubby can come to an agreement of when to try again, and that he understands that your grieving will be random.

blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:52 PM

I'm sorry for your loss.  I hate the term missed abortion, I wish doctors wouldn't use that describing a loss cause that is so insensitve to the grieving parents.  It depends on the doctors and your miscarriage in how long to wait.  Have you talked to your doctor about how your feeling?  If you haven't I would.  You did nothing wrong, sometimes things happen and we don't know why.

Cal2006
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 3:03 PM

 You didn't do anything wrong....but it is normal to feel as if you had. Just don't let yourself do it...it isn't healthy and there isn't anything to be gained.

I've had four losses, one stillbirth, two natural miscarriages and one miscarriage that required a D&C (or missed abortion...as your doctor stated). I personally think 10 monts is a long time to heal, but it differs for everyone. It just depends...we all have to find our "new normal".

If it has been a month since your miscarriage, I would go to the doctor. I dont' think you should still feel dizzy and tired and have lower back pains...they might not have gotten all of the material...so your body might still think that it is pregnant. 

Sorry hun... hang in there.

momofcrazypants
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:49 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're not feeling well. Without overwhelming you with tons of advice, I think if you are still not feeling like yourself physically, you should get checked out. Just to make sure that everything else is ok. Dizzyness like that isn't really typical without a reason to explain it. Losing a baby is so very hard. My thoughts are with you and your family. (hugs)

Diane1223
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 6:27 PM
I got dizzy when I was miscarrying, I think it was due to blood loss. My OB/Gyn told me and dh to wait 3 cycles.
cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Jun. 18, 2013 at 6:30 PM

((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss hun.  I agree with Angela if your still not feeling the greatest I would talk to your doctor just to be on the safe side.  As when to start ttc again in the long run it's a personal choice but I know my doctor told me to wait at least 2 cycles before trying again.

Bailee2b
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:34 PM

I was so dizzy after my d&c.  I couldn't stand for long periods of time without ending up on the ground.  The feeling subsided in about a month.  My dr told me to wait two cycles. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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