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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Do you get very angry and hold resentment....

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:23 PM
  • 15 Replies

At those who get pregnant and stay pregnant without a problem and you felt like they didnt "deserve" it?!?! Sounds mean I know but I look at some who didnt take care of their pregnant bodies and have no problems. Or those that have abused their other children ( or worse ) and go on to have more kids. I could say so many examples but I am sure you get what I am saying. I have a friend whom I love dearly but shes done some not so honest things - ( cheated on hubby plus so much more) shes lied to many, manipulated many and she got pregnant by accident to her new boyfriend. Those kinds of things just shows me that the liars and cheaters "win". i try to live a good honest life and well....you get my point. But I see stuff in the news that makes me so angry- so sick that I get hateful. And thats not me. And I hate when people tell me "you are blessed with what you have" anyone that has infertility issues and / or had a loss KNOWS full well if they currently have kids they ARE blessed they know this better than anyone, but its not wrong to want another blessing. I have so much empathy for those that do have it worse or who have gone thru worse and I will always try to help where and when I can but its not wrong to still want my desires either. My Mom told me "you have a lot on your plate maybe now isnt a good time and God knew that" So to that I say " theres no one else out there that has a lot in their plate too , maybe more than I do? Sure there are but they get their blessings. There are so many good women that should not be going thru what we are or have went thru - and just dont deserve to go thru this kind of pain but there are total losers who - some do not even want kids but they get them. Its mind boggling to me. Sorry for the rant- all of this is so fresh for me right now, 2 losses in  5 months and tomorrow marks 10 years since our first loss. Thanks for listening to my rant - feel free to blow off steam ladies - no judging :) sorry for typos Im on my iPad :) 

~~
Mother of 3: 20, 3, & 7

"Every person faces difficulties throughout their life. Despite our circumstances, and with God's help, we can choose to be better instead of being bitter."
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:23 PM
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littlelamb303
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:39 PM

I lost mine at 20 weeks 19 yrs ago.  At the time, I hated all pregnant women and I would not even go to baby showers.  I remember my sister coming over to my house to tell me she was pregnant. I did not take it very well.  It annoyed me everything came so easy to so many. To make matters worse, I lost my mom soon after I lost the baby.  I was beyond angry.  So much, so close together. It is mind boggling that I actually got through those horrible years. I eventually had another baby(not easily, I almost lost her too, several times and I still delivered her early, but she was ok)  She is my only child, now 16.  It is normal to feel angry at others who take it for granted.  I went to counseling and spoke about it, it was really hard to get through though.   I hope things work out for you.

mrsb2005
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 7:15 AM

Sorry for your losses. I completelty can relate to what you said though. Im glad u got through it, i think we all eventually get through it but theres always that hole in us - and I think that hole makes us angry. You hit the nail on the head though about being angry at those that take it for granted. I also have a sister who gets pregnant easily. And I will just say she is not in the position to keep having babies and keave it at that lol 

Cal2006
by Bronze Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 8:38 AM
2 moms liked this

 In a bible study class that I took for single women years ago, they discussed anger and resentment. They talked about it in a way that I hadn't thought of before (and I was in my twenties)...if it doesn't impact that person...who is it hurting? The answer is you, or who ever is haboring the anger and resentment. If those people that don't "deserve" their blessings don't feel any guilt and/or it doesn't upset them that you are angry with them...who is it hurting? 

I am not saying that everything you feel isn't justified. I've struggled through those same emotions (4 losses in two years...cousins with drug additctions popping out two kids without any trouble). I think many of us have struggled with those emotions. It is only human, I personally think.

But, as "good people" I think that we need to rise above those emotions. Realize that life is not fair, it was never promised to be. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. People get things that they don't deserve and don't appreciate. But as I Christ follower, I believe that I am supposed to love. I believe that God will right all wrongs, and work all things towards the good for those that love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).  For me that is why I TRY (and it is still a struggle) to focus on not being angry or resentful. I try...I'm not always successful.

But I think that I can't control what has happened to me. But I can control how I react and what my attitude about it is.

I'm not sure that is any help. I know a lot of times I just want to vent and have people agree with me. :)   (which by the way, I do agree with you...it sucks. But I'm working on overcoming those emotions. Because I am a person that loves people and I don't want to become bitter or hateful).

mommyofnoah208
by Melissa on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes it was and still is sometimes hard to see how some have it so easy. I try not to feel that way. But it is hard. Thinking of you
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:21 AM

No. Mainly because I was one of those easily pregnant and pretty much no complications in pregnancy.  Yet I had two babies born with a birth defect, one mild and one fatal.  So when I see pregnant women I think about my story and how there were times where no one could tell anything was wrong because I tried to enjoy my pregnancies.  And you just never know what they went through to get pregnant either since not everyone shares their stories and trials.

TwinkleStars918
by Amanda on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:11 PM
I think I may be the odd one out, I never went through that angry at pregnant women stage. Very rarely I would see a woman with a big belly, and it would feel like I was being stabbed in the gut..just because I was reminded that I did not make it to term.but I was genuinely happy for them. I just accepted early on that feeling that way would not help me to heal. I also had no idea if they struggled to get pregnant or had losses...I don't talk about my losses anywhere but here, most people don't know. It's not the pregnant woman's fault that I had my own struggles to work through.
acb4415
by Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 5:19 PM

I am not really angry at those around me that are pregnant or have new borns, I am just sad because it reminds me of what I am missing out on. I am just getting into the angry phase of my grief, but it is more anger in genera, not aimed at someone or somthing in particular, just the feeling that it is not fair to be in this situation when others get to enjoy their pregnancies I will forever be in fear of getting pregnant and losing another child. But I hope I don't stay in this phase longer, I usually don't stay mad at anything very long. I just hate to feel all this pain and it angers me that there is no one and nothing to blame. But I really don't resent others around me who are with child or new parents. 

Nerys-Kianna
by Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:21 PM

I was like that as I lost my last one in 2o11. The 16 year old daughter of a friend of mine had a total healthy pregnancy and gave birth to a baby girl 2 month after my due date. It hurt so bad and I was litterally crying again. But, it wasn't her fault, that I lost my jelly bean. I even send her some gender neutral baby things, since she didn't had much at all.

mrsb2005
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 10:35 PM
1 mom liked this

U sound like me - i can never stay angry long


i just get so upset at those that take life for granted when others like us struggle to keep a life.


thanks for sharing ladies I related in some way to each of you 

Quoting acb4415:

I am not really angry at those around me that are pregnant or have new borns, I am just sad because it reminds me of what I am missing out on. I am just getting into the angry phase of my grief, but it is more anger in genera, not aimed at someone or somthing in particular, just the feeling that it is not fair to be in this situation when others get to enjoy their pregnancies I will forever be in fear of getting pregnant and losing another child. But I hope I don't stay in this phase longer, I usually don't stay mad at anything very long. I just hate to feel all this pain and it angers me that there is no one and nothing to blame. But I really don't resent others around me who are with child or new parents. 


~~
Mother of 3: 20, 3, & 7

"Every person faces difficulties throughout their life. Despite our circumstances, and with God's help, we can choose to be better instead of being bitter."
Happy_Mcboobs
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:14 AM

My mom makes the same types of statements. And my MIL thinks the same things but she is too Southern to ever say them to my face....my inlaws did tell my husband that they thought we were done after 4 & shouldn't be having anymore because we have a full plate. 

My mom likes to remind me what a full plate I have & that I almost died & that I don't need anymore. But it's not her decision. I still long for another baby...yes, I have four healthy girls & yes I'm afraid because I could have died with my loss....but I don't feel complete yet.....I was ok with  #5 & even a #6...and we lost our only son..... :( 

It's hard....

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