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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

How to "grieve"

Posted by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:14 PM
  • 11 Replies

so this may sound weird but I keep being told I need to "grieve" I know the meaning of the word but how do I go about grieving? Right now I am completely brushing my feelings under the rug, I get extremely over whelmed at the thought of my baby/loss and try so hard NOT to think about it, people keep saying that's not good and I need to grieve? I don't know how to do that???

by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:29 PM

Honestly hun there is not right or wrong way to grieve because we all do it differently and I don't think you can really force yourself to do it. 

thurstensmom
by Beth on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:43 PM

that's kind of how I think of it I'm probably just not ready and I think I will figure it out better when I am...

Quoting cali_angel_girl:

Honestly hun there is not right or wrong way to grieve because we all do it differently and I don't think you can really force yourself to do it. 


cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:45 PM

That probably is the case.  Just ignore what everyone else is saying hun and take things one day at a time ((hugs))

Quoting thurstensmom:

that's kind of how I think of it I'm probably just not ready and I think I will figure it out better when I am...

Quoting cali_angel_girl:

Honestly hun there is not right or wrong way to grieve because we all do it differently and I don't think you can really force yourself to do it. 



thurstensmom
by Beth on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:46 PM

thank you!

Quoting cali_angel_girl:

That probably is the case.  Just ignore what everyone else is saying hun and take things one day at a time ((hugs))

Quoting thurstensmom:

that's kind of how I think of it I'm probably just not ready and I think I will figure it out better when I am...

Quoting cali_angel_girl:

Honestly hun there is not right or wrong way to grieve because we all do it differently and I don't think you can really force yourself to do it. 




mhoelzer2988
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 7:04 PM
I think they just mean to let go and don't try to be so strong about it because it may affect u in other ways. For instance, when I try to hold things in it comes out in other ways like I'm snappy ,on edge less patience ,etc. I don't know if ur like that but I find its better to release my emotions instead of trying to hold them in. Sometimes it just feels good to talk about it with someone or just cry. I cried a lot after I miscarried and I'm not a big crier. Everyone's different though. Some people can just not let things bother them and u may be one of those lucky people. I wish I was.
thurstensmom
by Beth on Aug. 27, 2013 at 7:18 PM

oh I totally see it coming out in other ways, I am super short tempered and go from yelling to crying really easily...I think because I get emotional really easily I'm afraid it's going to open a flood gate! A lot of people don't even know which makes it easier to pretend like it's not there but the people who do know also know I can be really emotional so to be holding it all in is really out of character for me...I'm just really afraid I'm goin to loose it!

Quoting mhoelzer2988:

I think they just mean to let go and don't try to be so strong about it because it may affect u in other ways. For instance, when I try to hold things in it comes out in other ways like I'm snappy ,on edge less patience ,etc. I don't know if ur like that but I find its better to release my emotions instead of trying to hold them in. Sometimes it just feels good to talk about it with someone or just cry. I cried a lot after I miscarried and I'm not a big crier. Everyone's different though. Some people can just not let things bother them and u may be one of those lucky people. I wish I was.


lovebugs_mom906
by Lisa on Aug. 27, 2013 at 11:38 PM
There is no wrong or right way to grieve a loss of this magnitude. I'm a very private person, so grieving around others is not something I can do easily. Even as they were inducing me, a tear or two would break free and I would try to stop them. My nurses kept telling me it was ok to cry and mourn my baby. But doing around them was hard. I held most of it back until I got home, and then had the full body sobs in the privacy of my bedroom. After that, it's only when I'm alone do I really have a chance to grieve - which isn't often with my 3 and 7 year old home with me. You do what you need to do to heal, and don't worry about what others think. You'll get there when you're ready Hugs!
Angela4boys
by Angela on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:23 AM

I think that grieving happens naturally.  I really didn't greive the loss of my second loss (right away).  I think I was in shock maybe, and I'm not a very emotional person anyways...but about a month after, I could feel it building up inside of me.  Lots of tension, frustration, and it alllllllll came out all at once, one day while I was doing laundry.  Total explosion of emotion, the ugly cry, I couldn't even find the words to put with the emotion.  After I was exhausted!!  Thankfully my husband is very caring, validating, took it all, comforted.   I think the problem comes when you are hurting, and grieving, and you get the, "get over it," "its time to move on," "it wasn't even a baby yet," "etc." that's when we have issues.  Just know it could happen anytime.  Grief comes in stages, some are skipped, some are repeated...but it's not always just extreme sadness, some times it is anger, guilt, blame, etc. 

thurstensmom
by Beth on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:40 AM

I think the struggle to be "sane" around my kids is a BIG factor, also having not even told a lot of people part of me feels like I have to pretend it never happened because I can't (and won't) explain it to most. I'm sorry for your loss, and I appreciate your feedback

Quoting lovebugs_mom906:

There is no wrong or right way to grieve a loss of this magnitude. I'm a very private person, so grieving around others is not something I can do easily. Even as they were inducing me, a tear or two would break free and I would try to stop them. My nurses kept telling me it was ok to cry and mourn my baby. But doing around them was hard. I held most of it back until I got home, and then had the full body sobs in the privacy of my bedroom. After that, it's only when I'm alone do I really have a chance to grieve - which isn't often with my 3 and 7 year old home with me. You do what you need to do to heal, and don't worry about what others think. You'll get there when you're ready Hugs!


thurstensmom
by Beth on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I can totally relate to the tension and frustration, my every day tasks are so annoying to me right now and I have been SO irritable :( I can most likely blame it on my grief. I feel like it's just MY problem and I hold it in because I feel like I will bring everyone down with me...maybe I need a breakdown, but like you said I am starting to believe this is all going to happen naturally, and I really hope I don't hear any "get over it's" I'm so sorry if you did, and for your losses...thank you for the response!

Quoting Angela4boys:

I think that grieving happens naturally.  I really didn't greive the loss of my second loss (right away).  I think I was in shock maybe, and I'm not a very emotional person anyways...but about a month after, I could feel it building up inside of me.  Lots of tension, frustration, and it alllllllll came out all at once, one day while I was doing laundry.  Total explosion of emotion, the ugly cry, I couldn't even find the words to put with the emotion.  After I was exhausted!!  Thankfully my husband is very caring, validating, took it all, comforted.   I think the problem comes when you are hurting, and grieving, and you get the, "get over it," "its time to move on," "it wasn't even a baby yet," "etc." that's when we have issues.  Just know it could happen anytime.  Grief comes in stages, some are skipped, some are repeated...but it's not always just extreme sadness, some times it is anger, guilt, blame, etc. 


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