giving our baby a name
We lost our baby almost 6 weeks ago. I was 20 weeks.... just getting to the time for the "big reveal" ultrasound. We were actually not going to find out the sex of the baby... we wanted to be surprised. We had two names picked out already both starting with an M so we called our baby M for short. When I developed an infection after the emergency cerclage was put it and it had to be removed and our baby was born stillborn they asked us if we wanted to know what the sex was. We said no, thinking the not knowing would be easier somehow... we also never saw our baby before cremation. I have now decided that the not know is too hard. We are going to call our MD and found out the sex and we are then going to name our baby (because every baby deserves a name). My husband doesn't want to use one of the names we had picked and wants to choose a new one... I do understand where he is coming from, we worked really hard to pick and come to an agreement on the names we picked out and he wants to save them for thefuture. I, however feel that one of the names we had chosen belongs to this baby regardless of the fact that she or he is now in heaven and not with us. We have some more talking to do and I know we will come to an agreement. We have also yet to discuss what we want to do with our baby's ashes. This is still so hard for me... I have good days, but there are still times, things that set me off and I cry and/or get really sad... I should still be pregnant and getting ready for my baby shower... which was scheduled to be in two weeks. Instead i just feel sort of empty and like a failure.
Thanks for listening.